The Noose Hangs High Page #3

- Yeah, I'm here.

- Who said you were here?

What do you mean I'm here?

Of course I'm here.

You wouldn't wanna bet on it?

Wanna bet me that I'm...

- Are you crazy?

- I'll bet you, you're not here.

You wanna bet me money?

$10 says you're not here.

- That's a bet, chump.

- Here, you can hold it, too.

$10. You wanna...

- That you're not here.

- All right, go on, prove it.

- You're not in Chicago, are you?

- Why, certainly not.

- You're not in Philadelphia, are you?

- No.

- You're not in St. Louis, are you?

- Of course not.

If you're not in Chicago, you're not in

Philadelphia, and you're not in St. Louis...

you must be someplace else.

- That's right, yeah.

- Am I right?

Well, if you're someplace else

you can't be here.

- No.

- That's all.

- That's a good one.

- Yeah.

I'm gonna pull that on my boss.

He needs a little humor.

That's all right. You know how it is.

- Does the mouse know about this?

- He don't know anything.

- He don't know anything?

- No.

- I'll pull it on him.

- Go ahead.

Hey, you. Get up out of there.

- Get up, come out.

- What'd you get me up for?

I want to bet you $10 that you're not here.

Hey, come on.

- What's the matter with you?

- I wanna make you a bet.

I'll bet you $10 that you're not here.

- You wanna bet me $10?

- Yeah, that's right.

A chance to make some money. Come on.

Put it right here. Here's mine.

There you are.

Are you ready?

I'm going to prove that you're not here.

- You're not in Chicago, are you?

- No, sir, but I got an aunt there.

You're not in Chicago, are you?

And you're not in St. Louis?

- And you're not in Philadelphia?

- No, sir.

You're not in Chicago, St. Louis,

or Philadelphia...

- then you must be someplace else.

- Right.

And if you're someplace else,

you're not here.

- Yes. That's right.

- Give me back my money.

- Who took your money?

- That's my money.

- You did, that's my...

- I took your money?

- That's right.

- Now just a minute, big boy.

Didn't you say that I wasn't in Chicago,

Philadelphia, or St. Louis?

That's right.

If I'm not in Chicago, St. Louis,

or Philadelphia, I must be someplace else.

- If I'm someplace else, I couldn't be here.

- That's right.

If I'm not here,

how could I take your money?

I love pickles and milk.

The mailman! There he is.

Thanks ever so much.

- It should be in here.

- It's gotta be in there.

Here it is, I told you it would get here.

- $50,000 safe and sound.

- Right in the envelope.

- Oh, boy.

- Pretty cute.

- Open for a thrill of a life.

- $50,000 worth of thrills.

- It was my idea.

- Yes, indeed.

I can go along with a gag,

but where's the dough?

Honest...

I put it in that little envelope with my own

two little hands. I put it in there.

Why, I know I did.

Ted, there must be some mistake. Now...

What's the matter, chump?

You look kind of sick.

- Pickles and milk don't agree with me.

- You don't agree with me, either.

Hold him, Chuck. Hold him, too.

Hello, Mr. McBride.

The $50,000?

Well, I was just going to call you on that,

Mr. McBride. You see...

I had a little tough break.

I'll give you 48 hours.

After that, if the money isn't paid...

I will speak to the district attorney.

But you wouldn't do that, Mr. McBride.

I certainly will. Bye.

Let him go, Chuck.

Now look, boys...

I know $50,000 is a lot of dough.

Why don't you just hand it over

and we'll forget the whole thing?

We haven't got your money.

- We're as honest as the day is long.

- That includes daylight-saving.

I want that dough and I want it right now.

Mr. Craig, honest...

all I know is we went into an office...

and they were mailing out

thousands of envelopes...

maybe millions of envelopes.

I put the money in one little envelope

then I put the little envelope...

into a big envelope

and I addressed it to you.

Mailmen are delivering those envelopes

all over town this very minute.

And as far as my money is concerned,

it's goodbye.

Goodbye, Mr. Craig.

- Hilda?

- Yes, ma'am.

- Who was it?

- The postman.

- She's been screaming her head off.

- How have you stood it for two years?

A girl's gotta work.

Such toast.

I'll put them there.

Carol?

Yes, Miss Van Buren?

How many times have I told you never

to bring me these silly advertisements?

Here, throw it away.

Yes, Miss Van Buren.

Bills...

"What every woman wants. "

Carol?

"Open for the thrill of a lifetime. "

Did it take you all morning

to dispose of one little letter?

Miss Van Buren,

are you sure don't want this?

Carol, how many times

do I have to tell you...

I don't want to be bothered

with those advertisements?

- But, this envelope has...

- I don't care what it has.

I don't want it.

- But, Miss Van Buren, please.

- Carol.

Keep it, throw it away,

do anything you want with it.

- Now get my cold towel this instant.

- Yes, Miss Van Buren.

I'll hold on till you find out.

Will you guys keep quiet?

I can't hear a thing!

Thank you very much.

Break it up.

I just checked

with the Plaza Mailing Service.

They tell me they did send out

those face powder samples yesterday.

You boys got a break.

The order was for 25,000,

but so far only 800 have been mailed.

Wait a minute.

If we could get hold of that mailing list,

we could see everybody on it...

and possibly find the one

who's got the money.

Give us a chance to get the money.

We'll get it if it takes us a year.

I have a very impatient client. Mr. McBride.

He says I've gotta pay up in 48 hours.

That gives you boys 36 hours

to get that money or else...

Go get that mailing list.

Wait a minute, come here.

- See this watch?

- It's got a hole in it.

It used to belong to a pal of mine

named Shoebox Jackson.

Now you keep it, pudgy.

If you don't kick in by tomorrow,

there'll be a bullet hole in the middle.

- Then it won't work so well.

- I won't work so well either.

- I don't want it.

- Get going. Midnight tomorrow.

Get your coat.

Excuse me, I'm sorry.

Somebody took my coat.

I had a coat when I come in here.

Here's your coat. Pardon us.

Mr. Upson, we only want to borrow them

for 24 hours.

Absolutely not. This is our

deluxe special private mailing list.

And if a rival company got a hold of it,

I'd lose my job.

- He fainted.

- From what?

The heat.

- What'll we do?

- He needs air.

I'll fan him.

Watch out. Give him plenty of air.

See, that brings him right to.

- There you are.

- How do you feel? What was wrong?

I felt like I had teeny-weeny light bulbs

in my head.

- You should have your head x-rayed.

- I did.

- What did they find?

- Little teeny-weeny light bulbs.

I better get him out in the air.

We finally got the list.

Our lives depend on this,

we've got to work fast.

So we'll divide them equally.

You look up your half, I'll look up my half.

There's 20 pages.

That's 30 names to every page.

There's one for me, there's one for you.

There's two for me, there's one, two for you.

There's three for me,

there's one, two, three for you.

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