The Nursery Page #2

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Yeah, illegitimate

father of the year.

That's my man.

Honestly, guys, I

love you for coming over,

but you shouldn't be here.

If the Belascos come

home, they'll freak out.

What do they care?

(scoffs) They're

nervous types, believe me.

Hmm. Gracey will charm 'em.

Or at least the dad.

Wouldn't be the

first dad I've charmed.

(laughs) Slut.

You love it.

[Ranae] Guys.

Honey, you were so

scared on the phone.

I don't think you

should be here alone.

I was freaked out

because of that stupid

picture you sent me.

[Cali] I didn't

send you anything.

I saw what I saw.

It came from you.

Who else would send

something from your phone?

F*** you guys.

No, nobody had my phone.

I had it on me the whole night.

[Grace] What was it?

[Jeremy] Dick shot?

[Cali] Shut up.

[Jeremy] Lighten the f*** up.

[Ranae] It was just a

stupid, nasty picture.

I didn't send it.

Then who did?

Someone with a

sick sense of humor.

How would I even

get her phone?

I was playing hockey with

my brother the whole time.

Yeah, glamorous Saturday night

with the video game goontards.

That's the price you pay,

baby, to play with the python.

[Grace] God!

(Jeremy laughs)

You're disgusting, not

to mention, delusional.

[Jeremy] Yeah, you would know.

Can we scroll past the

Facebook memory moments, please?

[Jeremy] Jealous.

I love it.

(lips smacking)

Guys, really.

It's fine.

I'm fine, it's just (sighs)

I don't wanna piss

off the Belascos.

We'll leave by midnight

and they won't know

the difference.

Cool?

(heavily sighs) That's fine.

[Cali] Great.

[Jeremy] (heavy sigh)

Finally, now where's the beer?

You're not

drinking their beer.

Oh, you are such a hero.

You're not babysitting

the f***ing beer, ya know?

Movie time?

(suspenseful music)

Ah, my friend.

Our theory of

glandular stimulation

through electricity

pulses was correct.

A few days ago, you were

small as your companion.

And now, look at you.

Why are we watching this?

[Jeremy] Because

it's a classic.

Classically stupid maybe.

Because the other

thing he wanted to watch

was even stupider.

It's more stupid.

I didn't realize

this was English 101.

That's because you

didn't pass English 101.

I'm not going to

school for blogging.

(Ranae smirks)

[Jeremy] I think I'm

actually getting more stupid

from this conversation.

Actually, I think stupider

was right in the first place.

Ha!

[Ranae] Tell me

you don't think

you're gonna smoke in here?

Come on.

Grace!

(sighs) Fine, I'll go outside.

I'll go with you.

[Jeremy] You want

us to pause the movie?

Oh, yeah!

Make sure I don't miss a

minute of this piece of sh*t.

(lighter clicking)

(crickets chirping)

Don't these people

believe in neighbors?

I think there are a few

more houses around, but

it's pretty spread out.

I'd go crazy out here

in the middle of nowhere.

[Ranae] It's pretty

during the day.

[Grace] Uh-huh.

[Ranae] There's a path through

there that they showed me.

It's suppose to be

good for hiking.

A creek.

Thrilling.

(crickets chirping)

(dramatic music)

Did you see that?

See what?

By the trees.

[Grace] Yeah, gorgeous.

No, right in

front of the trees.

[Grace] What?

[Ranae] I could have

sworn I saw something.

(crickets chirping)

[Grace] I don't see anything.

Yeah, you're right.

I guess I didn't either.

Come on.

Let's go back in before Cali

and J kill each other. (laughs)

(nervously laughs) Yeah.

[Man On TV] Midnight?

Oh, there ain't no use in

waiting around here any longer.

This must be the bats night off.

(laughing)

[Jeremy] Oh, wait, wait.

This is the best part.

Watch, watch.

(suspenseful music)

(bat screeching)

Did you hear that?

Yeah.

[Jeremy] Oh, that was

the best part, hold on.

[Man On TV] Get

that camera ready!

[Jeremy] He tries to

take a picture of it

before it gets him.

Wait, just watch.

(bat screeching)

(dramatic music)

[Jeremy] This

is the best part.

Watch, watch.

Do you ever shut up?

What is your problem?

You make us watch

this idiot movie,

then you yammer away

the minute it starts.

So?

It's an awful movie.

What I'm not letting

you enjoy it?

Is that what you're saying?

(Cali laughing)

[Grace] He does the

same thing in the theater.

That is so annoying.

[Grace] Tell me about it.

People who talk

in movie theaters

should be f***ing shot onsite.

(phone ringing)

[Ranae] Hey, baby brother.

[Ray] How's babysitting?

Hmm, the usual.

I can't believe you broke

away from the geek world

just to check-up on me.

This is the computer age,

I can do both.

[Ranae] What's up?

Uh, not much.

Grandma and Grandpa

wanted to know

if you're coming home

for Thanksgiving.

Utah isn't home.

[Ray] You know what they mean.

You didn't come for

the memorial service.

I know.

[Ray] It's been

a long time, Ranae.

I know, Ray.

Why's it so dark in there?

I can barely see you.

We're just watching a movie.

We?

Is Cali there?

[Cali] Hey, sexy.

When are you gonna visit again?

[Ray] (bashful laughing)

I don't know.

[Cali] Don't

make me beg, stud.

[Ranae] And that's

Grace and Jeremy.

[Grace] Hey, Ranae's brother.

[Jeremy] What's up?

[Ray] Hi.

Are you having fun

with your virtual BFFs?

You forgot someone.

Oh, you have

real friends, too?

[Ray] No, you forgot to

introduce me to someone.

What are you talking about?

[Ray] Who's the other girl?

What other girl?

The girl standing behind you.

(dramatic music)

[Ranae] That's not funny, Ray.

[Jeremy] (laughs) I love it.

[Ray] What's not funny?

There's nobody else here.

[Ray] I wasn't making a joke.

Goodbye, Ray.

[Ray] Ranae, don't be mad.

I wasn't joking.

Goodbye, Ray.

Is everyone having a good

time messing with me, tonight?

(dramatic music)

Oh, my God.

(rapid footsteps)

(heavy breathing)

[Jeremy] What the f***?

(dramatic music on TV)

What happened?

I don't know.

Something's going

on in this house.

What do you mean

something's going on?

I don't know.

I'm seeing things or something.

What did you see?

(snickers) Your little

friend is completely losing it.

[Grace] You know

she's messed up.

Don't be a dick about it.

[Jeremy] Yeah,

this isn't messed up.

This is like some

padded room sh*t.

[Grace] I told you that her

mother died like a year ago,

so give her a break.

[Jeremy] I could

care less, personally.

I'm just saying.

[Grace] Yeah, you're

just talking sh*t

when you could be like a

real person for once?

[Jeremy] Gracey, these

people left their kid with her.

Think about that.

[Grace] So, what?

[Jeremy] So, what?

She's liable to stick it in

the microwave or something.

[Grace] That's not funny.

She's fine.

Yeah, fine.

She's about to file for

divorce from reality.

You're the one who doesn't

seem to have a grip on reality.

What are you talking about?

You appear to be missing

the reality of the fact

that they left us alone

and do not appear to be

coming back anytime soon.

(lips smacking)

[Man On TV] I was still

skeptical when I came to

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