The Nutty Professor

- Hey, hey Hey-hey-hey

- Let's sweat!

- Macho, macho man

- Macho man

- Come on!

- I've got to be

- That's right! Shake it, honey!

- A macho man

Macho, macho man

- Oh, yeah! Like a pony! I'm a pony!

- I've got to be a macho

Don't you feel like

a pony when you sweat?

- Oh, yeah! Yeah! Go!

- I've got to be

- Go! Do it! Come on!

- A macho man

Macho, macho man

- - Here we go! One! Two!

This is my favorite exercise!

Come on! Five!

- Macho, macho man

- Whoa!

- Macho! Macho! Ohh!

- I've got to be

- I'm a pony!

- A macho man

- Come on. Let's go!

Do it! Come on!

- I've got to be a macho

- I'm vogueing! You can vogue!

- - Can you feel it?

I've got to be

- A macho man

- Ohh!

I'm going to have an aneurysm.

Ohh! My calves are burning!

This is our science department.

The genetics wing.

I'll remind you we are

in the vanguard of research.

Get Klump in here now.

- Professor Klump.

- Good mornin'.

- Hey, Professor!

- Good mornin'!

- Morning.

- Mornin'.

- Good morning, Professor Klump.

- Morning. How are you?

Mornin'.

Aaaaaah!

Oh, my goodness.

Professor Klump, the cages-

what happened?

That is most peculiar, Jason,

because I distinctly remember

locking up last night.

I locked these cages, picked up

my portfolio and turned around-

Oh. Ha-ha-ha.

I must've grazed the switch.

Ha-ha.

- Shelley's the only one

that didn't get out.

- Good. I'll tend to Shelley.

You students take care of this.

Excuse me.

Hello, Shelley. How are you today,

my little powder puff?

Yeah. Yeah.

- Sir?

You may want to look at

the latest test results.

I'm not sure if I'm

reading them correctly.

- She's lost three ounces

since the last feed?

- Must be some kind of mistake.

No, no, Jason.

Her entire molecular structure

has been realigned.

We've done it.

This new formula's working.

It's actually reconstructed

Shelley's DNA.

She lost 20 percent

of her body fat in one feeding.

What if we upped the dosage?

No, one step at a time.

We don't want to jeopardize Shelley.

- We'll keep the feedings as scheduled.

- Okay.

Schedule. Excuse me.

I'm very late.

Students, we got a lot of work to do

and don't have much time to do it in.

Tryin' to win a grant here.

So, as Arsenio used to say,

let's get busy!

- Comfy?

- Quite.

Anything I can get for you?

Juice? Coffee? Rack of lamb?

No, sir, I'm fine.

You, uh, did want to see me

about something, didn't you, sir?

Well, Professor Klump,

allow me to answer that question

by posing another.

- Why are you trying

to destroy my school?

- Beg your pardon, sir?

- Do you know who

Louise Vindovik is?

- Oh, surely, sir.

She's a lovely woman who so

generously donates money to help

fund our science department.

Ooh! Close.

Very close. But wrong.

See, she was a lovely woman, and she

used to fund our science department.

That was before she was hospitalized

for nearly swallowing a gerbil.

Not gerbil, sir.

A hamster.

Gerbils are more streamlined and

hamsters have a tendency to be fluffier.

The male hamster's scrotum has

a tendency to be disproportionately-

Never mind.

Those National Rifle people

are right.

If I had one now- bang.

Sir, I'd like to concentrate

on the positives.

What Ms. Vindovik witnessed

was 5,000 healthy hamsters...

bred from a genetically deficient

hereditary line.

It's actually very exciting.

Do I look excited, Klump?

Uh, no, you don't

look excited at all.

But maybe you might be holding it in,

your excitement,

not wanting to...

express it.

Now listen to me carefully,

you fat tub of goo.

For years you've single-handedly

alienated every wealthy donor we've had.

Air-conditioning schools

are outdrawing us!

We've lost so much money,

red is our school color.

Inner-city schools

have better computers than we do.

Bosnia wants to give us money!

I'm going to set up a meeting

with Harlan Hartley- Klump!

Are you listening?

- Uh, yes, sir. Yes.

- Hartley is the last

rich alumnus we've got.

And he's a science fan.

And he's considering donating

a $10 million grant to this school.

And I want that money, Klump.

Your job depends upon it.

I'll let you know how to handle it,

since I'll be watching you. Now go.

- But, sir, I don't know

if you should-

- Ah-ah-ah.

See, right back there, just before

you said, "But, sir-" Right there?

That was the end

of the meeting.

Well, I guess

I'll leave.

You have a pleasant day.

Grace, the cream

has turned again.

Of all the equations you'll learn

during the course of your studies here,

this equation shall be,

I promise you,

the most helpful throughout

the course of your studies,

because this equation

fundamentally breaks down...

what DNA is composed of...

and what components of DNA-

- I seem to have messed myself.

I haven't really messed myself.

I mean, I messed my shirt up.

But, uh, make sure you read chapter four

in your textbooks on genetics.

Gon' be a pop quiz

on Wednesday.

There's a pop quiz.

Pop quiz.

Professor Klump?

- Hello.

- Oh. Hi. I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to interrupt.

I was looking for Professor Klump.

I'm him. I'm he.

I'm Sherman Klump-

- Never mind. I do that all the time.

Makes the table look more festive,

and the kids enjoy it.

The yellow and green

and purple rolling around.

The table's more colorful and-

- Would another time be better?

I could always-

- No, no, don't be ridiculous.

- I'm between classes

and I got a m-minute to chat.

- How can I help you?

- Hi. I'm Carla Purty.

- Hello, Miss Purty.

- I'm a grad student.

- I'm teaching my first

chemistry class across the hall.

- Okay. Mm-hmm.

I just had to come over

and introduce myself.

I've followed your work

for many years, and I'm a big fan.

Well, thank you very much.

I'm fatter-

uh, flattered that you've been

following my work the way you have.

A chemistry teacher. Chemistry sure

is important to have... chemistry...

to have and use it.

Chemically- Chemistry. Well-

- It's been a pleasure meeting you.

Oh, the pleasure was

all mine, Miss Purty.

And, um, hope to

see you around.

Well, you can't miss me.

Have a good day.

You do the same,

Miss Purty.

- Mm-mmm-mmm.

Now, that's fine.

She's fine.

Oh, this is so fabulous.

Ain't nothin' like

gettin' together with family

and havin' a good meal.

Cletus, take this bowl.

It's hot.

Goddamn,

Sherman, it's almost like we

don't see your ass no more.

Good to see you, son.

You think you too good to

spend time with your family

every now and then?

- I've been real busy, Ernie.

- I don't want no potatoes.

Mashed potatoes give me gas.

In my day, Sherman, people used

to spend time with they family...

on Sundays

and special occasions.

Come around

and pay their respects.

You mess around and miss

little Ernie's golden years,

you're gonna be mad at yourself.

- Baby's got a little gas.

- Here she goes. Y'all

better cover your plates.

Mama, have some water.

Grandma, you spit on me.

What you talkin' about,

coverin' your plates?

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