The Object of My Affection

Welcome to the Brinkley School and

our first-grade show. I'm George Hanson.

This afternoon we are proud to present

our own adaptation of The Little Mermaid.

Music will be provided by the Brinkley Trio,

led by my co-teacher Melissa Marx.

Now on with the show.

Hi. I'm Nina Borowski,

and I think all of you are new here,

so welcome to

the Cobble Hill Community Center.

I'll be your group leader, and

we can talk about whatever you'd like:

School, home, jobs,

sex, anything.

Sea snakes.

Stingrays.

Did I miss anything?

- Honey, I just signed Castro.

- Shh!

Sally, you're on.

I know exactly what you've come for.

There's this boy I've been seeing,

and now he wants to f*** me.

- He's only gonna hurt you.

- Do you wanna f*** him?

Well, he's cute.

- Does he say he loves you?

- Yeah, but he just wants to get in my pants.

But do you love him?

Nina, isn't that right?

Well, I don't know about that.

But what I do know is, if I have sex

with a guy, I want him to be my friend.

So let's start with do you like him?

I'll give you anything, if I can have my prince.

Come with me then.

And whilst my slave girl

weaves her magic spell,

I will cut off your tongue!

Slave girl, play!

Where is he?

- Who are you looking for, George?

- Just a friend of mine.

He says if I don't f*** him,

he'll find another girlfriend.

Kiesha, I don't claim to be an expert on love,

but I do know what can screw up your life.

- So should I do it?

- You can say no.

Keeping your boyfriend happy

is not your full-time job.

You've got school, family,

work, your friends...

You call the shots.

You guys were great!

Excuse us. Come on. Get in line.

- Daddy!

- Oh, you were great.

- You were terrific. I loved you up there.

- Mommy!

Mr Hanson, that was a great show.

I think that was your best yet.

- We had a great sea witch and cast.

- Don't be so humble.

I've seen a lot of kids' shows - they bore me.

This one had grit.

- Grit?

- Yeah. It was the real stuff. Not all gooey.

- Thank you, Mr Miller.

- Call me Sidney. Let's go.

George, we're having a few people for dinner.

We'd love it if you'd join us.

- That'd be great.

- I'm sorry, Mrs Miller. I'm meeting a friend.

Bring your friend. It's casual.

Everyone's dying to meet you.

- Really?

- Listen, you're a hero.

Who cares if I can get Fidel

a million dollars to write his diary?

- You're fighting for the future of this country.

- 7.30.

You were so good. I can't believe

how good you were. I loved everything...

Where's Dr Joley?

I'd kill my boyfriend if he missed my show.

Bye-bye. Good job, you guys.

It was great.

- Just give me back two.

- Hey.

Thank you. I got stuck in a faculty meeting,

and then the subway...

And then the dog ate your homework.

See you tomorrow, George.

- I just hate myself for missing this.

- Really, it's OK.

Hungry? I'm in the mood for sushi.

I wish. I just told Constance Miller

we'd have dinner at her house.

I'm sorry, Joley. She ambushed me.

But she said it was casual.

George, Sidney Miller is the most

powerful literary agent in the world.

Casual to the Millers is not casual to us.

I was hoping we could talk tonight alone.

- OK, I'll cancel.

- You can't. It's important for your career.

- We'll talk later.

- Are you sure?

Well, I wrote it as an academic book,

but I think it could be a best seller.

And Sean Connery

would make a great George Bernard Shaw.

Maybe your friend George could do

something with it. That was a great show.

- So did you go to a teachers college?

- No, I was premed at college.

Oh, God. Your poor mother.

George? George?

I want you to meet

my great friend, Joyce Myers.

Oh, Joyce!

How are you? I so wanted to see your show,

but I was in a lunch for King Hussein.

How is he? Sidney's waiting for his book.

Well, Noor is adorable,

and the children...

Dr Joley seems to have made a hit

with my stepsister.

- How long have you two been together?

- Uh, four years.

Sidney represents RuPaul.

We'll have you all over some time.

Sidney, don't you think it's time for a revised

encyclopaedia of the American theatre?

- When's the Pavarotti gala?

- Next week.

You've done such wonderful things for that

company. You completely turned it around.

Of course, opera's not my thing,

but I adore the Three Tenors...

- Sounds like your show was a huge hit.

- Yeah, well, the kids worked really hard.

- I'm sorry I missed it.

- Oh, that's OK.

I was in bed with King Hussein.

- George Hanson.

- Hi. Nina Borowski. Hi.

- Oh, so, you're the stepsister?

- Uh-huh. Yeah.

I bring the income level down at

Constance's parties by at least three figures.

- I can help you in that department.

- Thank you.

My pleasure.

I heard all about you from Dr Joley.

Sorry about you and him.

- Hm?

- Oh...

OK, here we go. Come here. Come here.

You see that man

standing there with my evil stepsister?

- Mm-hm.

- That's my husband.

- You married?

- No, I'm not.

But she's hoping I'll marry that man

because she hates my boyfriend.

Oh!

You'll meet her later. Excuse me.

- Oh, Joyce, this is Stephen Saint.

- All right, we're clear.

- She's always doing this to me.

- Why?

Because my boyfriend's

a penniless legal-aid lawyer.

I'm a counsellor at a community centre and

I live in... a walk-up in Brooklyn.

- It sounds fine to me. I love Brooklyn.

- Yeah, me too.

You should visit me. There are some

really nice apartments in my neighbourhood.

- I'm not looking for an apartment.

- You're not?

No. I live with Joley.

But he told me at dinner

you might be looking for a place soon.

He told you what?

When he found out I had a spare room,

he asked if you could move in with me.

- That's insane.

- I thought so.

It's not every day I invite the lover

of my dinner companion to live with me,

but if you're desperate...

I don't know what you're talking about.

Maybe I have this completely backwards.

Maybe he meant for

the two of you to move to Brooklyn.

What else did he say?

Have you never discussed this before?

No, this is a total first for me.

- Oh, my God.

- Nina?

- Nina, this is Stephen Saint.

- Hi.

I was asking Constance all about you.

You are very fresh and natural.

He is the most fabulous

creative director at Saatchi's.

And you're a cute shrink.

That's an unbeatable combination.

My sister likes to say I'm a shrink.

I'm actually a social worker. Hi.

George, come with me.

I'm having problems with my centrepiece.

Oh, hey, um,

I think the work that you do is fantastic.

I think you got a lot of courage.

George, I'm in the book. If there's anything

I can do... I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

What did she say?

Good night.

You were great.

You were just great! Oh!

And those women. My God. Oh!

They were swooning all over you.

You were the centre of attention.

And I, of course,

was stuck next to that social worker.

Oh, well.

- You told her I wanted to move to Brooklyn.

- What?

Goddammit, Joley.

You told her I was moving out.

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