The Odd Couple

Room, please.

You alone?

Luggage?

How long

you want it for?

Not very long.

$5.00.

$5.00.

Haven't you anything higher?

Higher?

Good night.

Goodbye.

Baby!

Yeah!

Ante.

Ante up.

Excuse me, sir.

Aren't you the one

called the Cincinnati Kid?

You don't like it,

get a machine.

Jeez, it stinks in here.

What time is it?

Again?

I just like to know

what time it is.

You're winning $95.

That's what time it is.

Where the hell are you running?

I just asked what time it was.

It's 10:
30.

Got to leave by 12:00.

Oh, jeez.

I told you that

when I sat down.

Murray, didn't I say that

when I sat down?

Don't talk to him.

He's dealing.

Want to rest for a while, Murray?

Go lie down, sweetheart.

You want speed or accuracy?

Make up your mind.

Hey, you want to

do me a favor?

Smoke towards New Jersey.

No kidding. I'm really worried

about Felix.

He's never been

this late before.

Maybe somebody should call.

Hey, Oscar! Why don't you

call Felix?

Why don't we chip in

and buy another window?

How can you breathe here?

How many cards

you got? Four?

Yes, Murray, we all

have four cards.

You give us one more,

we'll all have five.

If you gave us two,

we'd have six.

You understand

how it works now?

Is Oscar playing or not?

Hey, Oscar!

Yeah?

Hey, Oscar, you in or out?

Out, pussycat, out!

Told my wife I'd be home

by 1:
00 the latest.

We're making an 8:00 plane

to Florida. I told you that.

Who goes to Florida in July?

It's off-season.

There's no crowds,

and you get the best room

for 1/10 the price.

No cards.

Some vacation. Six cheap people

in an empty hotel.

Dealer takes four.

Hey, you think maybe

Felix is sick?

I mean, he's never

been this late before.

This is the same garbage

from last week's game.

I'm beginning to

recognize things.

I'm out.

Two kings.

Straight.

Maybe he's in his office

locked in the john again.

Did you know that Felix

was once locked

in the john overnight?

He wrote out his entire will

on half a roll

of toilet paper.

What a nut.

Don't play with your chips.

I'm asking you nice.

I'm not playing,

I'm counting.

Leave me alone, will you?

If you stop playing

with your chips.

I hate winners

playing with their chips.

It's my house, Vinnie.

You want to play with your chips,

go ahead, darling.

I'm in for a quarter.

Won't you look

at your cards first?

What for?

I'm going to bluff anyway.

Who gets the Pepsi?

I get a Pepsi.

Murray the policeman

gets a warm Pepsi.

Still didn't fix the refrigerator?

It's been two weeks.

No wonder it stinks.

Temper, temper.

If I wanted nagging,

I'd go back with my wife.

I'm out. Who wants food?

What do you got?

I got brown sandwiches

and green sandwiches.

Which one do you want?

What's the green?

It's either very new cheese

or very old meat.

I'll take the brown.

You're not going to

eat that, are you?

I'm hungry.

His refrigerator's

been out of order for two weeks.

I saw milk

standing in there

that wasn't in a bottle.

What are you, a health nut?

Eat, Murray.

I got six cards.

It figures.

I got three aces.

Misdeal.

You know who makes

good sandwiches? Felix.

Ever taste his cream cheese

and pimento on date nut bread?

Make up your mind...

poker or recipes.

Aah! Oscar, you got beer

all over my glasses!

You got it on the chips.

You got it all over me now!

Are we going to stand here

or play some poker?

Here.

You got it on the suits.

Don't put it

in the middle of the table.

Put it on the side.

Wipe the cards.

Get the beer.

All right, right there.

How can you play like this?

Wipe the beer off.

Right there.

Come on, let's play

some poker here.

What's the game?

Who's playing here?

Vinnie, what time you leaving?

We got 10 minutes

before the next announcement.

All right, this is

five-card stud.

"Five-card studarino"

A red lady, a deuce cuatro,

a big ace for

the policeman. Bet.

The pot's shy.

Who didn't put in a quarter?

You didn't.

You got a big mouth.

Lend me $20.

I just did.

Borrow from somebody else.

I keep winning

my own money back.

You owe everybody.

If you don't have it,

don't play.

I'm through being nice.

You owe me $6.00 apiece

for the buffet.

What buffet?

Hot beer and sandwiches

left over from high school.

What do you want,

a tomato surprise?

Murray, lend me $20,

or I'll tell your wife

you're in Central Park

wearing a dress.

Maybe that's Felix.

Pair of 6s.

Three deuces.

Why didn't you go

to Florida last night?

If that's my wife,

tell her I'm leaving at 12:00.

You look at your watch again,

you get peanuts in your face.

Cut.

I can't hear you.

Dabby? Dabby who?

No, there's no Dabby here.

Oh, Daddy! For crying

out loud, it's my kid.

Brucey, how are you, baby?

Huh? Yes...No, I couldn't...

No, there's a lot of boys here.

We're playing. Huh?

Boys, give me a break!

My 5-year-old

is calling from California.

Must be costing him a fortune.

How have you been, honey?

Yes, I got your letter.

Yes. It took three weeks.

Next time, you tell Mommy

to give you a stamp.

Yeah, I know, honey,

but you're not

supposed to draw it on.

You hear this?

We hear. We hear.

We're all thrilled.

Huh? Huh? Oh, Mommy

wants to talk to me?

All right, sweetheart.

I love you, soldier. Goodbye.

Ante $1 .00.

You got

$1 .00, Oscar?

Not after I get through

talking to this lady.

Hello, Blanche. How are you?

I got a good idea

why you're calling.

I'm a week behind

with the check, right?

Four weeks? It's not possible.

It's not possible.

Blanche, I keep a record

of every check in my files here.

I happen to know

I'm only three weeks behind.

Look, don't threaten me

with jail, Blanche,

because it's not a threat.

With my expenses and my alimony,

a prisoner takes home

more pay than I do.

Very nice language

in front of the children.

I'm $800 behind in alimony.

Let's raise the stakes.

She can do it.

What?

Throw you in jail.

If she can't aggravate me

once a week, she's not happy.

Aren't you worried

about the kids?

The kids are living

in their grandfather's house

with a swimming pool

in California.

Can we just play cards?

I said you'd get into trouble.

I should know...

I'm your accountant.

If you're my accountant,

how come I need money?

If you need money,

how come you play poker?

Because I need money.

You always lose.

That's why I need money.

Then don't play.

Then don't come to my house

and eat my potato chips!

Beautiful.

Beautiful, man.

Why are you yelling?

We're playing a friendly game.

Who's playing?

We've been talking since 8:00.

Since 7:
00! I said then

I'd leave at 12:
00.

You want a banana in the mouth?

All right.

All right. All right!

Calm down! Calm down!

Take it easy.

I could arrest

the whole lousy game.

Let's just play cards,

and please hold them up.

I can't see

where I marked them.

He owes money to everyone,

and he still

won't take it seriously.

Life goes on, even for those

who are divorced,

broke, and sloppy.

Hello. Divorced,

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