The Old Fashioned Way Page #2

but for your benefit I have | ordered 100 more chairs.

But remember, one and only | one chair to each person.

Bring me my cane.

Thank you. Oh, yes.

Good morning, | my dear Mr. Wendelschaffer.

I hope | I haven't disturbed you.

Mrs. Wendelschaffer, | come down here.

By the by, how is the good Mrs. | Wendelschaffer this morning?

My dear Mrs. Wendelschaffer.

How well you look. | I trust you are fit.

Don't use the word "trust" | around here, Mr. McGonigle.

I hear it too often.

I merely use it | as a hyperbole.

Now, listen to me.

After you've eaten my food | and slept in my beds,

not one piece of baggage goes out | of here until you've paid your bills.

My dear Mrs. Wendelschaffer, | our unimpeachable integrity

has never even been | slightly questioned.

Bertha, show them to | their rooms. Yes, ma'am.

And don't forget to count | the towels. Yes, ma'am.

Is the dining room | open yet?

No!

My dear Bertha. | How charming you look today.

Well, you might as well | pick up your bags.

There ain't nobody gonna | help you carry them upstairs.

Have we any cigars?

Yes, sir.

Thanks.

See if he has any matches.

Thank you.

Gee, it sure is | swell out here.

Nice view.

You know, I like these little | towns, seeing a new one every day.

I hate them.

Traveling with the girl | you love.

Wallace Livingston, | will you talk sense?

Well, I am. | I mean, I do. I...

You ought to be back at school, | studying, making something of yourself.

Betty, listen.

I'll go back to school, | if you'll go with me.

You know | that's impossible.

Well, why?

Because I don't belong there | any more than you belong here.

What do you mean? | Well, I'm...

In the first place, | you're rich.

My father is, but...

Yes, and I know what rich | people think of our profession.

You don't know my father.

You wait till he hears | about you barnstorming

around the country | with a rep show.

Well, he might | get mad, a little.

You didn't give them too | much soup, did you? Mmm-mmm.

No, that's right. Give them | plenty of bread and crackers.

Uh-huh.

And remember, nobody gets a | second helping of apple pie. Uh-uh.

And we don't serve ice cream. Uh-huh.

That's all you're | supposed to know. Uh-huh.

You better look out.

Oh.

Sit here, | my little hourglass.

For the benefit of all those | who do not know me,

I am the Great McGonigle.

The soup sounds good.

Thank you.

Say!

What did you tell us the | opera house was sold out for?

Isn't it? | No, it isn't.

I just saw the manager and he | told me, up till last night,

they only had $17.30 | in the box office.

Mr. McGonigle, I wanna tell... | Quiet. Take off your hat.

Didn't you hear me tell those gilpins | I'd arranged for 100 extra seats?

Why, they went for it | like a trout for a fly.

Oh, fudge!

Cease!

Don't you use that sort of language | before my innocent little daughter

or I shall be compelled | to lay hands upon you!

Oh... | Hush.

I don't...

Sit down there and have some | of that hot vegetable soup.

Let us finish | our repast in peace,

and remember that every cloud | has a silver lining

and every plate of vegetable | soup is filled with vegetables.

Oh, that's it.

Oh, Mrs. Wendelschaffer, Bertha | tells me Mr. McGonigle is here.

Cleopatra Pepperday, you're not going | to make a fool of yourself again,

like you did last year, | are you?

Why, I don't know | what you mean.

I only want him | to hear me sing.

Sing? Oh, rats.

Who's the old squigelum | over there?

That's that | Pepperday woman.

Who?

Don't you remember how | she pestered you last year?

No, I don't recall.

She's all dressed up | like a well-kept grave.

Well, she's the richest woman | in Bellefontaine.

The cloud | with a silver lining.

What's her name? What's her | name? Quick, quick, quick.

Cleopatra Pepperday.

Mr. McGonigle, | I'm so glad to see you.

My dear Cleopatra Pepperday!

How delighted I am | to see you.

I didn't think | you'd remember me.

Remember you? | How could I forget you?

Oh, Mr. McGonigle. How | could anyone forget you?

Oh, Mr. McGonigle. | Will you sit down here?

Oh, thank you. | Thank you, dear.

It is a pleasure, an honor, to break bread | with you on this delightful afternoon.

Thank you, Mr. McGonigle.

Oh, don't mention it.

Well, little man, | do you know who I am?

Da-da.

Come here. | Boy, you have me wrong.

His name's Albert, after | his dear departed father.

Yes?

Has a wonderful head.

Oh, thank you, Mr. McGonigle.

Shaped like | a Rocky Ford cantaloupe.

Esther.

Are we going to have him | with us for dinner?

Let me, let me... | Please, let me help you.

Now, come on there. | Come on.

He's holding on | to the floor.

There we are.

Hang on.

Look out. Here, I'm just going | to help you in, that's all.

Head up. | Get your foot over there.

Where's his other... | Can you see his other foot?

Oh, here it is. He's such | a friendly little man.

Yes, he is. Yes.

There you are. | Now, you're all right.

Now I have him.

There you are. | There you are.

He has a mind | of his own, hasn't he?

Just like his father.

Yes, stubborn as can be. There | you are. Look at that. There.

Now, could anything be | nicer than that?

Now, come here.

There.

There, little man.

Oh, Mr. McGonigle, I do hope you'll | let me sing for you this year.

You know, you were too busy | when you were here last time.

Yes, we were very... | Very busy last season, yes.

But you will let me | sing for you this time.

I've been looking forward | to it for months.

Oh, thank you.

Really.

Oh, Albert! Now, you | shouldn't have done that.

Whatever possessed you?

Oh, Mr. McGonigle, | I'm so sorry.

Very well done.

Boy. Boy.

I don't know whether to eat | from the coat or from the plate.

Oh, Albert!

Look what you've done | to Mr. McGonigle's watch.

Oh, I'm so sorry. | Oh, Mr. McGonigle.

It's all right. He | has such an impulsive nature.

Yeah. | Just like my own.

Don't apologize, it's all | right. It's just a little child.

Oh, he does the cutest | things. That he does.

You should see him | when no one's around.

Oh, I'd like to catch him | sometime when...

See him sometime | when no one's around.

Oh, Albert. | Why did you do that?

Bet the minute hand won't | be a bit of use after this.

Mr. McGonigle, I hope | he hasn't hurt your watch.

Oh, no. How could you hurt a | watch by dipping it in molasses?

Oh, he's never | done that before.

Well, I hope he doesn't do | it again, not with this watch.

Oh, Mr. McGonigle, I hope you | won't dislike my little Albert.

It'll make me love the | little nipper all the more.

He's a brat. A brat!

A B-R-A-T. Brat!

Albert, you mustn't do that.

Naughty, naughty.

Oh, it's all right. | Don't apologize.

I'm used | to that sort of thing.

We stage folks | get this all the time.

Listen, folks. There's one of them | new-fangled horseless carriages coming.

I've got to see this.

Where is it? | Where is it?

All gone. All gone.

Here. | Don't do that.

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