The Other Sister Page #9

Ernie!

The Spanish mustang!

- Uh, hey, that smells like a good year, pal. Come on. Come on inside.

- Well, I...

I love Carla, Ernie.

Carla loves me. There's a fact.

Okay, most people at school

make fun of me...

and they... and they... and they never...

and they never talk to me, Ernie.

They never, ever talk to me.

And she... she... 'Cause she's the... she's

the only one that makes me feel like a person.

- Oh, come on, now.

- To Carla!

Now... Now... Come on, now!

Now, that's... All right. Here.

- Let's go... What's that? What's that?

- Got ya.

- Aw, Ernie!

- See how I did that?

- I love to drink, Ernie.

- Oh, yeah? Come on.

- Yeah. It makes me feel good.

- Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Wait, is that...

is that why people drink?

Oh, people drink

for lots of reasons.

Some to be happy, some to forget,

some to be brave.

I think... I think I wanna...

I think I wanna be brave, Ernie.

No. Only cowards

get brave that way.

Forget drinking.

Forget all that stuff.

You gotta find what makes you happy.

Danny, what makes you happy?

Uh...

- Come on. What makes you happy?

- I wanna... I wanna take a ride in your Mustang.

That's, uh...

That'd make me really happy, Ernie.

You never did that, and that...

t- t-that would make me very happy.

No, I can't take that car out in winter

weather. It'll ruin her paint job.

Some other time. Anything else

would make you happy? Come on.

Yeah.

Help me... Help me find a job

so that I can be with Carla forever.

I'm sorry your father

won't change his mind.

See, he s... he s... he said

he'd paid for me long enough...

and that he... he said...

he said it's my mother's turn.

I'm very angry right now, Ernie.

Oh, I can understand anger.

I know about that.

No! No, no, no, no. Easy now.

There. Easy. Come on, now, easy.

Watch my guitar.

Now, easy.

You know what I do sometimes

when I get angry? You know what I do?

I call up a buddy.

I call a pal. Hmm? See?

And, uh, somethin' like this.

How are ya? See?

That's it. That...

- That's good.

- Yeah.

Yeah?

That's it. See? See?

- Yeah.

- Patting. Patting is good.

P... Patting. That's it.

Heather!

All right, guys, what do we think

about this for the country club, hmm?

- Mm-hmm. That is so chic.

- Very.

- Where'd you get that?

- At Michelle's, uh, Soho boutique, actually.

Where is Carla?

We're gonna be late, aren't we?

You know what? You always do that,

Mother. You know who she is.

- She's the one... - Oh, please. -

That you refer to as my special friend.

- Ohh.

- All right, tension alert.

You know what? Honey, why don't you go

start the car, and I'm gonna go find Carla...

- and you...

- Mmm.

Wait, Mother,

you never even met Michelle.

- Come on!

- I cannot believe it. You're still doing the look.

- Oh, wow. Dad, she's still doing the look.

- Look...

- You know what? - I just... - Mother,

we've had this conversation several times.

- I don't wanna have it any more.

- I just hope you outgrow it, that's all.

Yeah, a-and I'd hoped

you'd accept it.

Mother, being gay

is not a diagnosis.

It's not a disease I'm going to recover

from or a phase I'm going to outgrow.

I know what being gay is, okay?

I give to gay causes. I support gay

parades. They even gave me a plaque.

Yes. So why support them

and not me?

- Because I'm not their mother.

- Yes, I know this. You're mine.

So why can't you just say it?

I have a gay daughter.

- I have a gay daughter.

- It's not like I'm asking you to go on Oprah, mother. Just say it to me.

- Oh, look at this. - I have. - Look at

this evolution coming down the stairs.

- Isn't that beautiful?

- Ohh.

Caroline and Heather did my make-up.

Both sides.

Oh, yeah. Look at that. Well, honey,

let's... Uh, the limousine is waiting for you.

- Let's go out there, princess... -

Ohh, beauty. - And slip into your...

Carla. Your gentleman caller

just arrived. He's on the porch.

- Oh, your Prince Charming. Let's go find Prince Charming.

- Ohh... Oh, it's Daniel!

- We're gonna check on the limo.

- All right.

- I'll put his bike away.

- This earring is driving me crazy.

I can't take it. I'm not...

I'm never gonna wear it again.

- Hi.

- Wow.

You look really handsome.

Yeah, you look r-really pretty.

Oh. Did you talk to your dad yet?

Oh, n... Well, 'cause I... 'cause I

don't... I- I-I don't need my dad any more...

'cause I...

'cause I have an idea for... for us.

I knew you'd come up

with something.

- Yeah.

- We're coming, Dad!

- Okay!

- So deck the halls with boughs of holly

- 'Tis the season to bejolly

- To bejolly

Yeah, don we now our gay apparel

- It's Christmas time

- Hi.

- You know my mother Pucky.

- Of course I know Pucky.

So, how are the plans going

for Caroline's wedding?

- We're excited.

- What about you, Heather?

- Any young chaps on the horizon for you yet?

- Oh!

You know what? No. You know, the literary

world is just a lot of reclusive writers...

and, you know,

serial killers, so...

- Caroline, where's the wedding going to be?

- It's gonna be at St John's Church.

- Oh, right here in Sutter Hills.

- Uh, New Zealand.

- Hey.

- It's not in New Zealand, Jeff.

It's in Sutter Hills.

Carla...

I- I-I'm kind of afraid

of your family.

I feel that way too

sometimes, Daniel.

- You do?

- Yeah.

But all you have to do

is be brave...

and then you could say

anything you want...

'cause you feel more comfortable.

E- Excuse me, I'll be...

Excuse me, I'll be right back.

- Here you are, sir.

- Very nice bottle.

Yes, sir, you picked

a very nice bottle. Green.

So that...

So that'll make me very brave?

Sir, it's 110 proof.

It'll make you very brave.

- Thank you.

- Thank you, and merry Christmas.

Yes, it is.

Thank you, Martin.

My publishing company

is going to merge next month.

Ah, Dr Longhurst,

master of the root canal.

- Elizabeth. Elizabeth Russell.

- Mmm.

That's that young dental hygienist

who married the Tate boy.

- You know, Ridley?

- Radley.

- Radley.

- I should've married him.

His father Orson built this club.

Oh, Carla, did you receive that

Dustin Hoffman book that I sent you?

Yeah. I'm going to give it

to Daniel for Christmas.

Don't tell Ernie.

- I don't know any Ernie.

- Good.

- Merry Christmas.

- It still is.

Carla, come here.

- Sit down there. This is a surprise.

- Where is... Where is Daniel?

He's missing everything.

Ladies and gentlemen, everybody,

may I have your attention, please?

Olive juice.

- Some months ago...

- What are you saying?

- Olive juice.

- While I was soliciting petition signatures at a sorority house...

- Why?

- Because from far away...

- I had this wonderful...

- it looks like "I love you. "

That's a very good trick!

And if I said it was love at first

sight, that would be disingenuous.

- "Disin... " What?

- Untruthful. - Oh.

She had just come back from a softball game and

had the worst case of hat hair I've ever seen.

Je... Oh, my God.

It looked terminal.

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