The Owl House

Season #1 Episode #14: Really Small Problems

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[Open on the Owl House's kitchen. Eda is stirring something on the stove while King is watching Luz talk to Willow and Gus on a crystal ball.]

Luz:
So they said I couldn't remove my thumb, but look at that! [pretends to remove her thumb] Whoop!

Gus:
You sliced it off! [panicked] You sliced off your own thumb!

Willow:
[chuckles] You make doing homework actually fun.

Luz:
And they say humans can't do magic.

King:
Luz... [climbs onto table] Nyeh! You've been talking to them all morning. Don't forget about the Luz and King comedy hour!

Eda:
Please, no. Not the comedy hour...

King:
This week I've been working with props! [turns around to show a cardboard tube on his nose] Oh dear, I've gotten a tube stuck on my nose! Will I ever eat again? [slams a piece of bread on his face] Looks like I'm toast!

Luz & King:
[laugh]

Eda:
It just goes on like this for an hour!

Luz:
Heyo, dough boy, quit loafing around!

King:
Why don't you bake me?

Luz & King:
[laugh]

[The crystal ball buzzes with an alarm and flashes red. The time, 8:00, flashes below Willow and Gus.]

Luz:
School time! See you guys in class!

Willow:
Bye!

Gus:
But what about the thumb?!

[Luz ends the call.]

King:
[sigh]

Luz:
Hey, don't worry. We'll finish our comedy hour when we get home. [kisses King's skull]

King:
Hee hee, oh you!

Luz:
[singsong] Try not to miss me while I'm gone! [closes door]

King:
[scrambles over to the door] You... you really think she's coming back this time?

Eda:
Yes, she'll be back; she always comes back. It's cute you miss her, though.

King:
The King of Demons-- [tosses bread and tube off] The King of Demons misses nobody! I wouldn't care if she came through this door right now! Wha!

[Luz comes through the door.]

Eda:
Hey, you're-

King:
You're back! [climbs up on Luz's head] I didn't miss you at all.

Luz:
Apparently there's an infestation of pixies at Hexside, so school's been canceled.

King:
That sounds like a crumby situation.

Luz & King:
[laugh]

Hooty:
Hey! Guess what's been in my mouth that I'm about to throw up!

[Hooty gags for several long moments. Everyone stares at him in disgust. He finally throws up letters and a box.]

Hooty:
The mail!

Eda:
[going through the letters] Junk, junk, death hex.

[She tosses the death hex into a trashcan, which condenses into a dark purple ball before disappearing entirely.]

Eda:
Oh, a carnival's in town today!

Luz:
A carnival? You know, I've been so busy with school lately, what do you say we take this comedy hour on tour? It'll be a Luz and King day!

King:
That's my kinda day!

Luz:
[puts an arm around Eda] Let's all three of us go!

Hooty:
An adventure with friends! I'll go pack my stuff!

Eda:
Carnivals bring crowds and crowds bring suckers. This could be the perfect chance to try out my new get-witch-quick scheme. [takes staff out of pot, knocks goop off of Owlbert] I'm in! To the carnival!

Luz & King:
To the carnival!

[They all leave.]

Hooty:
Good news, I'm bringing my knapsack full of games! Hello?

[A fly buzzes near him.]

Hooty:
Oh, a fly! Talk to me, talk to me!

[THEME]

[Cut to the Bonesborough Carnival.]

Eda:
Well, here we are, kids. Look at all that fresh meat.

[Flies buzz around a fried chicken on a stick.]

Luz:
And smell all the fresh meat! [sniffs as a fly goes up her nose; coughs it out her mouth] Fun!

Owlbert:
[hoots, starts to twist off the staff]

Eda:
No games for you, Owlbert, we've got scams to run.

Owlbert:
[sad hooting]

Tibbles:
Friends! [lands in front of them] Welcome!

[Everyone jumps into defensive poses]

Tibbles:
I see you got my postcard.

Eda:
Tibbles? You sent this?

[Eda looks on the back of the flier. It reads: "To my Owl House Pals, From Tibbles," and has a picture of Tibbles dancing when Eda tilts it. She lowers it and Tibbles is doing the same dance.]

Tibbles:
Mm-hmm.

Luz:
Aren't you mad at us for destroying your stand?

King:
Ooh, and destroying his life! That was the best part!

Tibbles:
No, no, no. I should thank you. After my stand was destroyed, I reevaluated my life and found my true calling! I'm now ringmaster of... [snaps whip] Tibbles's Tent of Tiny Terrors!

[Luz approaches the terrarium containing tiny unicorns, a tiny manticore, and a tiny griffin.]

Luz:
Aww. It's like a regular circus but adorably small!

Griffin:
[hisses]

Luz:
[presses her face to the glass] You're my friends now.

Eda:
I don't buy it. [sends away her staff] What kind of con are you running?

Tibbles:
No cons here, Owl Lady, only pros. In fact, why don't we toast our newfound friendship with this totally innocent bottle of water. [pulls out potion]

Eda:
[takes potion; sarcastically] Oh yeah, sure! Why don't I just--

[Eda throws the bottle. It lands on an Oracle Teacher's head and knocks them on their back.]

Oracle Teacher:
I'm okay!

Eda:
I know poison when I see it; you can't scam a scammer! Now speaking of scams... [walks up to a stand] Beat it loser! [knocks the vendor's stuff to the ground] Step right up to... [transforms the stand] Eda's Human Horror House! Humans shed their skin and I've got proof. [pulls out fishnet stockings]

King:
You should really put a lock on your closet.

Luz:
You know what, Eda can pick through my socks all she wants. Because today is all about having a great time with my partner in crime.

King:
That's me! I love crime!

Luz & King:
[laugh, walk off]

Tibbles:
Have a good time, friends. [whisper] While it lasts.

[Cut to a dunk tank.]

Abomination Student: Dunk the skeleton! Win a prize!

[A ball hits the target, dumping the skeleton into a cauldron labelled SKIN. The skeleton pops out now covered in skin.]

Skeleton:
Ah! Aah! I'm covered in pores!

Luz:
Now this is my kind of weird! So what do you wanna do first? We could brave the molar coaster, or eat a mysterious blob...

King:
Ooh, what's that? [runs up to prize booth] Ah! Some kind of deadly string weapon.

Luz:
No, silly. That's a friendship bracelet.

King:
Is that a type of deadly weapon?

Luz:
A weapon of love. [grabs them and puts them together, forming a heart] It's basically a declaration to the whole world that you're the best of friends.

King:
Ooh! That's a safer way than becoming blood brothers! Luz, we must have those bracelets!

Prize Vendor:
And yoink. [takes bracelets back] Sorry, ma'am. If your bone son wants these bracelets you'll have to play the games and win the tickets. You know, carnival rules.

King:
Beat up the man and steal his things for me.

Luz:
Or let's just play the games.

King:
Oh, okay.

Luz & King:
[laugh] Games! Games! Games! Games!

Luz:
[gasps] Friends!

Willow:
Luz!

Gus:
Hey, Luz!

[They all hug.]

Luz:
Oh my gosh, I didn't think I'd see carniv-y'all here.

Gus:
Boo.

Willow:
I got an invitation from Tibbles.

Gus:
We figured it's a trap since we squashed his stand with a walking house.

Willow:
But who cares? This place has a Scarris wheel.

Gus:
It's like a human Ferris wheel but it gives you long-lasting nightmares.

Luz:
Yes! This mama is ready for trauma.

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