The Palm Beach Story

...in case we miss the train or something.

We have the big place in Yonkers. Of course.

What'd he say?

He said "of course. "

We're from Texas originally.

Of course.

What'd he say?

He said "of course. "

Why does he keep sayin' the same thing

all the time? My husband's a little deaf.

Of course. Yes.

What'd he say?

He said it's as quiet as a tomb

here... just what we're lookin' for.

I don't mind a little life. We'll

be dead soon enough. Come in.

Concrete.

I said, "Come in. "

I'm fine, thanks. How are you? I hope

all the tenants aren't as disagreeable.

I can assure you they're not. The building

is very friendly, efficient and quiet.

She got in by mistake, but

she's leaving first thing in the morning.

What? I said she's leaving

the first thing in the morning.

Who? My wife? You going home

to see your mother?

What's that? Canary?

I love birds.

I said she is leaving

the first thing in the morning.

You don't have to shout, and your best

friend oughta tell you a little secret:

Just speak in a low, clear voice. I said she's leaving

the first thing in the morning. She got in by mistake.

But tomorrow

she flies away.

I understand it's a bird.

What about it? I like birds.

It's right here.

Duplex. What's the

ceiling so high up for?

That's what duplex means... the one floor up over

the... You don't keep the apartment very clean.

What's on the balcony? You see, the

former tenants aren't getting the service.

A little delinquency in the rent. What's

he say? I don't like him to talk to me.

He says the former tenants haven't been getting

any service. That's why the place is so dirty.

They didn't pay the rent.

I don't mind a little dirt.

That's the trouble with women... always

fussin' around lookin' for something to pick on.

- You can tell me later, Arthur.

- Never satisfied with things the way the Lord made 'em.

Why, dirt's as natural in this worid

as sin, disease,

storms, twisters, floods and cyclones.

Is there anything else you'd like to try? What

you doin' in the bathtub with a wrapper on?

I might ask you what you're doing in my

bathroom. I don't suppose you go with the flat.

Nah. That's too much to hope for. Thank

you. I'm glad you like my perfume too.

Huh? I said I'm glad

you like my perfume too.

You have a lovely, clear voice,

like a bell.

If I was married to you, I'd hear everything

you said almost, but you wouldn't enjoy it.

Besides, I'm already married.

So am I.

Me too. Anyway,

I'd be too old for ya.

"Cold are the hands of time

that creep along relentlessly,

"destroying slowly but without pity

that which yesterday was young.

"Alone, our memories resist this

disintegration and grow more lovely...

with the passing years. "

That's hard to say

with false teeth.

You're a funny old man.

I didn't get it, but you looked

very pretty when you said it.

I love birds.

You do?

Say, if they're showing the apartment and

you're still in it, you must be broke, huh?

Ah, it doesn't matter.

What did you say?

Yes. That varmint rentin'

it out from under ya?

Yes.

I know how you feel.

I was broke too when I was about your age,

but I didn't have a figure like you got.

I had to use my brains. You'll get over

it. You'll get over being young too.

Someday you'll wake up and find everything

behind ya. Gives ya quite a turn.

Makes ya sorry for a few of the things

ya didn't do while ya still could.

- Are you sorry?

- How much rent do you owe?

Well, that isn't really your business.

I can't hear you. You're mumbling.

I said it isn't really your business.

I'm in the sausage business.

Don't worry about me.

This'll be a hot one on the wife. She's down

there poking her snoot in everybody's business,

egged on by that varmint.

- How much do you need?

- Don't be silly.

Will 500 cover it?

Please don't talk nonsense.

I can't hear you. You're mumbling again. You

shouldn't mumble, with such a lovely voice.

I wouldn't do this for everybody.

Look, this joke has gone far enough.

You say that ain't enough? Well, how much

do you need? You're just embarrassing me.

That's all right. Don't mention it. It's a

privilege to do a favor for such a beautiful lady.

It makes me feel young again. There. Oh.

Well, how do you suppose it makes me feel? I

haven't seen anything like this for so long.

You talkin' about the money?

Forget it. I'm cheesy with money.

I'm the Wienie King...

invented the Texas Wienie.

Lay off of'em;

you'll live longer. Here.

Buy yourself a new dress, too,

and a new hat.

You're a fine girl. So long.

Whoopee! Hot diggity!

Hello?

Give me Longacre 5-6599, please.

You see, it's strong and safe.

It's simple and practical.

It lets the light and air through,

and it's practically invisible from below.

And it's built right in the middle of

the city instead of way out in the sticks.

Excuse me a moment. Be right back.

- Yes?

- Darling, the most exciting thing has happened.

Look, honey, I'm right in the middle of

a talk with a very important gentleman.

- Could you tell me later?

- Oh, all right, dear.

Of course, this is the big one, but to build a

working model in some field or village somewhere...

that small planes could actually land

on... to prove that it was practical...

would only cost

about $99,000.

After that, we'd be on velvet.

You see,

it's a steel mesh

made of stretched cables.

Every municipality, every town,

every city needs one.

My patent is basic.

$99,000 is a lot of money.

Oh, but it isn't what it costs; it's what it

brings you back. You see, I've got $99,000 now,

but if I was to build this thing,

I might...

Let's start all over again

from the beginning.

Go ahead. My time ain't

worth anything. I'm retired.

Psst.

Hey, Mike,

come here a minute.

Take a gander inside, will ya, and see if the manager's

gone to dinner. I don't wanna see him face-to-face.

Sure. But if it's the rent you're thinking about,

you can go in and whistle up his nose. It's paid.

It's paid? What do you

mean, it's paid? It's paid.

Who paid it?

Your wife.

My wife? Well, I'm sure it wasn't

mine. An old man give her the money.

An old man give her the money? What do

you mean, an old man gave her the money?

I said I'm taking you to dinner and then the theater and

then supper, so hurry up and put on your dinner jacket.

Just a minute.

What's all this malarkey...

about some old man paying the rent for you

that the whole building is buzzing with?

Oh, it's not malarkey, darling.

Here's the receipted bill.

You see? It says "paid. " And I paid the

butcher and the grocer and the drugstore.

And I got this dress and had my hair done

and six pairs of stockings and some new shoes.

And here's $14 in change.

That's for you.

Isn't it wonderful? Sensational. But you

haven't quite answered my question yet.

What question, dear? Why this alleged

old man gave you... How much is it?

Seven hundred dollars.

Seven hundred dollars.

Why?

No reason.

Oh, is that so? He just... Seven hundred

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