The Passion of Anna Page #4

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a long, coherent dream

which troubled her at Easter.

I was walking alone.

I felt a terrible longing

for companionship,

for someone's arms

around me, for rest.

At the same time,

I knew this was gone forever.

Can I come home with you?

No. We are forbidden

to have guests.

We've changed the locks.

Why?

I don't know.

- Can't you stay?

- No, I need to go.

Stop!

I don't know where I am.

What is this place?

Can you please help me?

Who is that woman?

Her son is going to be executed.

She is on her way

to the execution.

Forgive me.

Can we have a word

with you, sir?

Yes. Please, come in.

Johan Andersson at Skir

has been found dead,

and he left this letter for you.

When did it happen?

We found him today, hanged.

He had ugly bruises on his head,

and seemed

to have been beaten up.

Do you want to know

what the letter says?

Yes, sir,

and we'd like the letter back.

"Dear Andreas. A few hours ago,

some people came by.

"They told me I was a criminal

and had to be punished.

"They dragged me by the hair

out into the yard.

"There they beat me

with their fists and spat on me.

A younger one took a stone

and hit me in the head."

"I was confused

and told them I was innocent.

They said that if I confessed

they would leave me alone."

"I said I would confess."

"Then they stopped

hitting me in the face.

"They pushed me up against

the wall and told me to talk.

"I said everything

they wanted to hear.

"When I couldn't think

of any more, they hit me again.

One of them stood

over me and..."

"...pissed on my face.

I couldn't cover my myself

because I was too tired."

"They kicked me

as I was lying there.

They stepped on my glasses,

and I lost my false teeth..."

"...and I couldn't find them."

"I can't recall

what happened next, as I fainted.

When I woke up,

they'd left in their cars and..."

"...I walked back inside.

I didn't want to live anymore..."

"...because I could no longer

look anyone in the eye."

"That's why I can't go on living.

"Dear Andreas,

I'm writing this letter to you

"because you've always

been good to me

and always wondered

how I was doing."

"Truly yours."

Thank you, sir.

That's all.

Can I get it back?

Yes, sir,

when the investigation is through.

- Good-bye.

- Good-bye.

Anna?

Oh, there you are.

What are you doing?

I'm praying for Johan.

You're praying for yourself.

Go away! Leave me alone!

Damn lousy acting!

Damn acting!

It looks like a pigsty.

That's not worth keeping.

That might come in handy.

You can have it.

It was Grandpa's.

I'll keep the radio.

Good afternoon.

I got a letter from Johan.

Really?

Anna and Andreas have lived

a year in relative harmony.

There have been arguments

and reconciliations

due to misunderstandings

or bad temper,

but the arguments

were never too hurtful.

Anna got a translation job,

and Andreas

kept working for Elis.

I have a headache.

Maybe I've caught a cold.

I'll make you something hot.

That's nice of you.

I'll just finish up this chapter.

It's quite exciting.

You have cancer of the soul.

You need an operation

and radiation.

You have tumors everywhere.

You'll die a horrible death.

- What are you doing?

- Looking at a photograph.

I hope it's not an old flame.

What makes you think that?

A penny for your thoughts.

I'm thinking about cancer,

and it terrifies me.

What are you thinking about?

Nothing.

- I'm thinking about the lies.

- What lies?

We should take

a trip somewhere.

We should get away

from here.

It would do us both good.

I really want to say yes.

What are you thinking about?

I could ask Elis

to lend us the money.

But at the same time,

there's a wall.

I can't speak

or show you that I'm happy.

I can see your eyes,

but I can't reach you.

Do you understand?

I understand.

I'm outside that wall.

I've shut myself out.

I'm so far away that...

I know how strange it feels.

It's strange.

I want to be warm

and tender and alive.

I want to be free.

It's like being in a dream.

You want to move, but you can't.

Your legs and arms

are as heavy as lead.

You try to talk but can't.

I'm afraid of being humiliated.

It's like hell.

I've accepted the humiliation

and let it sink in.

Do you understand?

I understand.

It's terrible to be a failure.

Some people think they have

the right to tell you what to do...

contempt with good intention.

A brief desire

to trample something living.

I understand.

You don't have to...

I'm dead.

No, that's too melodramatic.

I'm not dead.

But I live without self-respect.

I know it sounds silly

and pretentious.

Most people live

without any self-esteem.

Humiliated at heart,

stifled, and spat upon.

They're alive

and that's all they know.

They know of no alternative.

Even if they did,

they would never reach out for it.

Can one be sick

with humiliation?

Is this a disease

we have to live with?

We talk so much about freedom.

Isn't freedom a poison

for the humiliated?

Or is it merely a drug

the humiliated use

in order to endure?

I can't live like this.

I've given up.

I can't stand it anymore.

The days drag by.

I'm choked

by the food I swallow,

the sh*t I get rid of,

the words I say.

The daylight screams at me

every morning to get up.

Sleep is only dreams

that chase me.

The darkness rustles

with ghosts and memories.

Has it ever occurred to you

that the worse off people are,

the less they complain?

Finally they're silent...

...even if they're living creatures

with nerves, eyes, and hands.

Vast armies of victims

and hangmen.

The sun rises and falls, heavily.

The cold approaches.

The darkness.

The heat. The smell.

They're all silent.

We can never leave.

It's too late.

Everything's too late.

I believe Elis thinks it's hypocrisy

to be horrified at human folly...

...and a waste of feelings

to call for decency and justice.

He won't allow

other people's suffering

to keep him awake at night.

He thinks he's indifferent

in his own and others' eyes.

Those are the conditions

under which he lives,

otherwise he couldn't function.

What are you doing today?

- What are you doing?

- I don't know.

I asked you.

Do you realize that it's over?

Answer me!

If you don't give me a reason,

I have nothing to say.

You're free to go

whenever you like.

You're lying.

You lied about your marriage.

You lied about your divorce.

I know the truth about you.

Really?

I know what you're like.

You're a parasite.

I don't like you at all.

It's hell living with you.

I've been longing to get out.

Poor Anna. You were

so happy before we met.

At least I had good memories

of my husband and our love.

What about now?

- I lived in the truth.

- Really?

You've destroyed it

with your damn lies.

Stop it, Anna.

You can't tell me what to do.

You don't decide for me.

Go to hell!

Someone sneaked

into the stable.

He poured gasoline

over the poor creature,

threw a burning match

into the haystack,

and ran out fast as hell.

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