The Perfect Match Page #9

Good luck, French.

Good talk.

I'll live in his house for the rest

of my goddamn life if I have to...

but I am through with this marriage!

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Look at this.

Why's it flippin' out like that?

Side-boob on fleek. Look at this.

Stupid! Charlie, look at this.

Oh, my God. He's so lame, right now.

Hey.

Hey!

Wow, that is such a waste.

Wow.

So what's going on, Charlie, huh?

I wanted to apologize.

You know, I was a real jerk.

On my birthday, and after.

I understand.

But yeah, you were.

Okay, you're really not gonna make

this easy for me, are you?

It's not supposed to be easy.

Especially within these four walls.

All right, well, I'm sorry. Okay?

Well, hold on a second. Sit down.

What exactly are you sorry for?

I'm sorry that I hurt...

and pushed away...

everybody in my life

that means something to me.

- Keep it coming.

- And I'm sorry...

that our parents died.

All right, let's dig in, okay?

Let's go deeper with this.

What are we doing? Therapy?

Well, no, I'm your sister.

That would be illegal...

but we're talking and I'm a therapist.

And let's not get off track.

We've got some momentum going here.

What are you grateful for?

- What I'm grateful for?

- Yes.

I'm grateful that

I am finally learning to grow up.

And I'm grateful

I have some awesome friends.

And I don't know if I've ever said it...

but I'm grateful for you.

Aw, Charlie.

I am so proud of you.

That'll be $300. No, seriously.

I think you'll feel better

if you pay for it.

I've already had lunch.

You're... Stop. Stop.

Come here.

You're taking advantage

of my vulnerability right now.

- All right?

- Look.

You were pretty young

when Mom and Dad died...

but they had a great marriage.

I got to see that, but you really didn't.

I think that's probably why

I believe in love...

and why you don't.

You're good.

But I have to tell you something.

Do you know what makes me happy?

It makes me happy

that you had your heart broken.

What? Why would you say that?

It means you had the capacity to love.

And that, my little brother,

is a beautiful thing.

All right, now that we're good...

I gotta patch things up with the crew.

I don't even know

if I'm still invited to the wedding.

Just 'cause you were a jerk

doesn't mean they don't still love you.

Okay, everybody! Everybody, back to one!

Come on, let's go, flower girl.

Let's go, ring bearer.

Bridesmaids, groomsmen,

everybody, let's go.

Back to your starting positions.

We're gonna run this one more time.

Somebody tell this chick

this isn't brain surgery.

Walking down the aisle.

Left, right, left, right...

Smile. I think we got it.

Hey, bud. Yeah, okay.

Hey, Press.

Any room for another best man?

- I'm sorry, Rick.

- So, he's the best man, now?

Okay, come on. Come on, people.

Come on, come on, let's go.

Bridesmaid, with the best man.

- Don't look at me.

- There you go, there you go.

Okay, and when they get

halfway down the aisle...

the rest of the wedding party begins.

There you...

Okay, slowly, slowly, slowly. And smile.

Smile.

Okay, that's nice. Let's go.

Look, man, I'm sorry about everything...

Hey, you don't even gotta say it, man.

Okay, excuse me.

You two can deal with your bromance issues...

on your own time, all right?

This is a wedding, okay?

I need you to focus.

All right? Just... Just focus.

All right? Focus.

Yeah. Who is that?

I don't know, but apparently

she's high as hell on cocaine.

Bride!

Ah! About time, you little jerk.

I deserve that.

I'm sorry.

All right, just come on. Come on.

- Oh, okay.

- All right, come on, come on.

Handsy!

I just want everybody to remember...

a wedding is a magical moment...

that every bride should cherish...

as she goes through

those long, hard, trying...

seemingly insurmountable,

Mount-Everest-like years that lie ahead.

This is the day that will comfort her...

as she weathers the storms to come.

Okay? So, come on, people...

just stop playing around

and let's get it together, all right?

Pastor, commence.

It's straight.

- Hey.

- Hey.

So, am I still getting

the silent treatment from you?

I don't know, I haven't decided yet.

What can I do to speed this up? Please.

Maybe you can start off

with some free babysitting.

Yo, I told you. Super sperm.

- Congratulations.

- Congrats.

It is about time,

but didn't you just pee on that?

Why is it on the table?

That is just nasty.

You're not going to be able

to fit into your dress.

All calories count.

By the power vested in me...

from the state of California...

as a servant of God,

I now pronounce you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Ladies and gentlemen...

I present to you, Victor and Ginger.

You always hear people talk

about fairy-tale weddings...

but you never really hear people

talk about fairy-tale love.

And that's what we're witnessing.

That's what I've been witnessing

for the past what, 20 years?

Yeah.

'Cause where else

other than a storybook...

would a 10-year-old boy...

with dashing, handsome looks...

Hey, hey, hey.

...meet a beautiful princess...

fall in love...

and never have eyes for anyone else?

I love you.

He never did.

- Good.

- And I'm a bad influence.

He's terrible. He's terrible.

A good friend told me...

that there's nothing

more important in life...

than going after what you love...

or in this case, who you love.

And while there might not be

any perfect people, guys...

there are people

that are perfect for each other.

And trust me...

Ginger and Victor...

you two are my best friends.

You guys are my...

You guys are my family.

And I just... I hope that tomorrow...

brings you more happiness and more joy...

than any of us could have ever imagined.

I'm just happy that I...

that we were here to witness it.

Guys, lift your glasses.

To Victor and to Ginger...

the perfect match.

The perfect match!

I feel like I could have taken

some of these.

I highly doubt that.

You see, it's a little different

than shooting porn.

One time in college, man.

- "One time."

- One time in college!

Look at him. Look at him.

His parents would be

so proud of all of this.

Charlie, I love this.

Where'd you shoot it?

I shot that one in...

I know they are proud.

I mean, we're proud.

You know, it took him a lot to get here.

Real talk, this is impressive

for a first gallery.

Yo!

Yeah, dawg. That's my man!

Looks like you've got a dress shirt on.

- Congratulations.

- Thank you.

Thank you so much for coming.

Hey, how's it going tonight?

You know, it's been a tough journey...

but nights like tonight...

let me know I made the right choice.

- God is good.

- Yes, he is.

Yo, yo, yo, yo, look!

Dude, act like you've seen

a celebrity before.

I'm just saying, but it's...

I'll be right back, guys. Thanks again.

French! What's up, my bro?

What's goin' on? What up, baby?

Congratulations, man.

Ah, thank you.

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