The Perks of Being a Wallflower Page #7

I think you could write

one of them one day.

- Really?

- I do.

You're the best teacher I've ever had.

Thank you.

Ten, nine, eight...

seven, six, five...

four, three, two, one.

Dear friend...

I wanted to tell you about us running.

There was this beautiful sunset.

And just a few hours

before, everyone I love...

had their last day of high school ever.

I was happy because they were happy...

even though I counted and I have...

I kept imagining

what school would be like without them...

as they were all getting ready

for their prom.

My sister finally decided

to break up with Derek...

and go stag with her girlfriends instead.

And then there was Sam.

I've looked at her picture

since that night.

I like to see how happy she was

before she knew.

They were in a hotel suite after prom

and the truth came out.

Basically Craig

has been cheating on Sam the whole time.

When I heard that...

I kept thinking about the happy girl

in these pictures.

'Cause she doesn't have 1,095 days to go.

She made it.

This is her time.

And no one should be

able to take that away.

Congratulations.

Oh, Charlie. Charlie's here.

Guys, group photo.

We should all take a group photo.

Get against the railing

and try to look suave.

Yep, this is the one.

That's gonna be a great angle.

At her going away party...

I wanted her to know about that night

we went through the tunnel.

And how for the first time...

I felt like I belonged somewhere.

And tomorrow, she's leaving.

So I wanted to give her a part of me.

Are these all your books, Charlie?

Thanks for staying up with me.

Sure.

My brother said Penn State has this

restaurant called Ye Olde College Diner.

You have to get a grilled

sticky on your first night.

It's a tradition.

That sounds like fun.

Yeah.

Pretty soon, you'll have

a whole new group of friends, you know.

You won't even think about

this place anymore.

Yes, I will.

Had lunch with Craig today.

Yeah?

He said he was sorry and that I was right

to break up with him.

I'm driving away

and was feeling so small.

Just asking myself,

"Why do I and everyone I love...

pick people who treat

us like we're nothing?"

We accept the love we think we deserve.

Then why didn't you ever ask me out?

I...

I just didn't think that you wanted that.

Well, what did you want?

I just want you to be happy.

Don't you get it, Charlie?

I can't feel that.

It's really sweet and everything, but...

You can't just sit there

and put everybody's lives ahead of yours...

and think that counts as love.

I don't want to be somebody's crush.

I want people to like the real me.

I know who you are, Sam.

I know I'm quiet.

And I know I should speak more.

But if you knew the things

that were in my head most of the time...

you'd know what it really meant.

How much we're alike...

and how we've been through the same things.

And you're not small.

You're beautiful.

What's wrong, Charlie?

Nothing.

You know I'm gonna call you all the time.

- We're gonna see each other in New York.

- All the time.

Come on, Sam.

What's wrong, Charlie?

Put your seat belt on.

We'll meet you there.

Don't wake your sister.

It'll be our little secret, okay?

Look, Charlie, she's fast asleep.

Don't wake your sister.

My fault.

It's all my fault.

It'll be our little secret. Okay?

Stop it.

Stop.

Stop crying.

This'll be our little secret.

Candace. Your brother's on the phone.

Hello?

- Hey, Candace.

- Charlie?

Sam and Patrick left,

and I can't stop thinking about something.

What?

Candace...

I killed Aunt Helen, didn't I?

She died getting my birthday present...

so I guess I killed her, right?

I've tried to stop thinking that,

but I can't.

She keeps driving away and dying.

Call the police and send them to my house.

I can't stop her. I'm crazy again.

No. Charlie, listen to me.

Mom and Dad are gonna be home

with Chris any second.

I'm just thinking...

what if I wanted her to die, Candace?

What? Charlie?

Charlie!

Charlie?

I'm Dr. Burton.

Where am I?

Mayview Hospital.

You... You have to let me go.

My dad can't afford it.

Oh, don't worry about that.

No. I saw them when I was little...

and I don't want to be a Mayview kid.

Just tell me how to stop it.

Stop what?

Seeing it.

All their lives all the time.

How do you stop seeing it?

Seeing what, Charlie?

There is so much pain.

And I don't know how to not notice it.

What's hurting you?

No, not me.

It's them. It's everyone. It never stops.

Do you understand?

What about your Aunt Helen?

What about her?

Do you see her?

Yes.

She had a terrible life.

God, what am I supposed to...

You said some things

about her in your sleep.

I don't care.

If you want to get better...

you have to.

She...

She was insane.

I'm just sayin'.

She...

Charlie?

You gonna let me help you here?

Okay.

Do you remember anything

before you blacked out?

I remember leaving Sam's house.

I was walking home. And...

I was in the hospital for a while.

I won't go into detail about all of it.

But I will say there

were some very bad days.

And some unexpected beautiful days.

The worst day was the time my doctor

told my mom and dad...

what Aunt Helen did to me.

Honey?

I'm so sorry.

The best days were those

when I could have visitors.

My brother and sister

always came for those...

until Chris had to go to training camp.

He's going to be first string this year.

My sister told me she met a nice guy

at her summer job.

Here he is.

So I'll see you Thursday at 6:00, right?

- Okay.

- You gonna hang in there?

My doctor said we can't choose

where we come from...

but we can choose where we go from there.

I know it's not all the answers...

but it was enough to start putting

these pieces together.

God bless this food we

are about to receive.

We thank you for this bounty...

in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, Amen.

- Amen.

- Amen.

How do you think the Penguins

are gonna do this year, Dad?

Goddamn Penguins.

Think they're allergic to goddamn defense.

What do the players call a puck again?

A biscuit.

Are you sure it's not a "goddamn biscuit"?

You're cruisin' for a bruisin'.

Honey, I think we're gonna have to do...

a little shopping for you

before you take off?

- Yeah, I need some books.

- Clothes, too.

Yeah.

Can Charlie come out and play?

The first night, we had grilled stickies.

So good.

You have to visit in the fall.

We'll have some, okay?

Definitely.

Oh, sorry...

Charlie has a breakdown

scheduled for October.

Well, can I tell you something?

I've been away for two months.

It's another world.

And it gets better.

And my roommate Katie

has the best taste in music.

I found the tunnel song.

Let's drive.

I don't know if I will have the time

to write any more letters...

because I might be too busy

trying to participate.

So, if this does end up

being the last letter...

I want you to know that I was in a bad

place before I started high school.

And you helped me.

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