The Phantom Light Page #4

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with a man in the room.

God bless you, there's no

worrying about his feelings.

What if he do happen to

see you with nothing on?

He'll think he's

seeing the fairies.

Well, what was she yelping

about? -Oh, nothing.

She just met one of

our prize exhibits.

Well, now, perhaps you ought to tell me why

you joined up with that bit of trouble.

I didn't. She's a stowaway.

-Stowaway, me foot.

A ruddy girl in a

respectable lighthouse.

You wait 'til old Claff has a talk

with you. -Who is he, chief lightkeeper?

What him?

Don't make me laugh.

I'm chief here.

Ever heard of King Kong?

You are always saying you

are chief here, Sam Higgins.

No one is disputing it.

It is your responsibility this man

and woman are on the lighthouse

against all regulations. -Well, we

couldn't leave them to drown, could we?

This is the reporter bloke I was

telling you about. -Mr. Higgins?

Oh, brace them up.

Don't let them drag like that.

I've braced them up and braced them up so

much that my feet hardly touch the ground.

Well, go on and roll them up

then. Tuck a leaf in them. Here.

God blimey. Tuck your shirt in,

can't you? Put it in these here tapes.

Oh, do what you like with

them. I ain't your nanny.

Females.

So we've got you on our hands

tonight, I suppose. -Uh-huh.

And you didn't know

she was with you? -Nope.

Must have followed me and

hid under the tarpolean.

Can't these

journalists tell them?

You tried to bribe

me, didn't you,

so that you could give your paper an

eyewitness account of life at a lighthouse.

Or had you another idea in coming

here? -Aye, speak the truth, man.

Or maybe you'll leave this lighthouse

the way others have left it before.

Oh, steady on. It ain't a

capital offense, you know.

Mr. Higgins?

-What the...

do you mean to say

you went and cut my...

Well, you told me I could

do what I liked with them,

and I think I made a

very good job of it.

My Sunday trousers.

You ought to be

ashamed of yourself.

Go on, now. Sit on there.

Now, we'll do avail of

me Sunday trousers.

What's your little game?

Mr. Higgins, you know I

wouldn't have done it -

Oh, for goodness sake,

don't turn on the tap.

Here.

Mr. Higgins, I'm going

to tell you the truth.

I'm an actress, hiding

from the police.

What, you act as

bad as all that?

There was a man. He fell in love

with me, terribly in love with me,

and then there came another

man, and he fell in love with me.

And they fought. -What

for? -Me. Poor little me.

They fought as cavemen fight for their

mates. Oh, it wasn't horrible. I fainted.

And then one reached for a

knife and I fainted again.

And then the other reached for a

knife, and I ran and ran and ran.

And the next thing I

remember I was in a train,

and I fainted again.

When I came to there was

a man sitting opposite me.

I smiled at him. -And he fainted?

No. I said, "Where am I?"

He said, "Telebuch."

You do believe me, don't you, Mr.

Higgins? -So the police are after you.

They ain't in love with you too, are

they? -Oh, please don't make fun of me.

You've got such a kind face. -Hmm,

what was the show you was in, Eastland?

Cheerful, ain't it?

So now you know. Of course,

personally speaking I don't believe it.

But old Claff -

well, here he is.

He'll tell you.

So you believe in the

phantom light, Mr. Owen?

Yes, sir, I reckon I do

believe in the phantom light.

So will you if the Lord ordains

you see the sunrise tomorrow.

The prime minister of mirth.

This thing you heard,

opening and shutting doors,

do you really believe

it was a ghost?

Pretty strong, your ghost.

What was that? -Oh, nothing.

Ain't you had enough

excitement already?

Me, excitement? Oh, yes.

Of course, you know you'll

be having ghosts after you

as well as police if

you're not careful.

Are you sure there was no one

about when you heard those steps?

No, there was not

until Tom Evans let out

a terrible, great scream.

It's Davis!

Fetch it quickly. Quickly.

That was a near shave. -Yeah.

I wonder - he's

tied up alright.

I'm almost beginning

to believe -

Sam. Sam!

What the - what the blinkin' -

They are open, like they

were last night, wide open.

Have you searched the place?

Nothing here?

Listen, I've been waiting for a

chance to see you alone. -Have you?

You're a frightful liar. -Am

I? -And a fearful nuisance.

Am I really? -Uh-huh. -Then you

don't care for me a little bit? -No.

You know, nobody ever

hated me before like you.

Really? Isn't that grand? But all

the same, I want you to help me.

Opens the door with

invisible hands and vanishes.

Don't be silly. How could you

vanish if you're invisible?

If you're invisible you're vanished

before you started. Ridiculous.

I'm going up to talk to Bob.

Lord protect us.

Lord protect us.

So he tied you up,

my own flesh and blood tied up so

that you can't move hand nor foot.

Well, we'll soon see

about that, Tom, my boy.

We'll soon see about that.

Well, I think it's the most thrilling

thing I've ever heard. -Good.

Now, the first thing you've got to do

is to keep Sam Higgins out of the way.

Well, I can easily do that. -I'll tell

you what, get him to show you the light,

him and the other fellow.

-Do you want me to them there?

Yes, as long as you can. Let them

go on thinking I'm a reporter.

I'm going down to the storeroom

to fix my box of tricks.

It's all wired. It's only got

to be connected up.

Bolshies.

Claff!

I thought you was going up? -Claff,

they ain't what they said they was.

I just overhead them talking.

You know what they're going to do?

They're going to blow

up the lighthouse.

What? -Communists, that's what they

are. A couple of ruddy Bolshies.

Now, listen, we've got to act

quick and don't interrupt.

I did not interrupt. -No, but

you was going to. -I was not.

What if you know. Shut up.

Now listen, you go and take the young

lady upstairs and show her the light.

That I won't.

It's against the regulations.

You'll do what you're told.

Who is boss here, you or me? Me.

Then it's unanimous. Now come on.

Come along. Show her the light.

Suppose she doesn't

want to see the light.

Hello, Mr. Higgins. -Ah, nasty

night, don't you think? -YES.

Still, I suppose you'd rather be in

here since the cops are after you.

You won't give me

away, will you? -Oh no.

But wouldn't you be better off if

you went to some foreign clime?

Foreign slime?

-Yeah.

I knew a bloke who was in

trouble just like you. -Oh?

But you know what he done? He grew

along beard and went to Russia.

Ever been to Russia?

-Nope, nor grown a beard.

Mr. Higgins, what's up there?

Oh, that's where

we keep the light.

Would you like to see it? -Just

what I was going to ask you.

Claff, take this young

lady up and see the light.

Now, go on and do

what I tell you.

Take this young lady

up and see the light.

But Mr. Higgins, you're coming

too. -No, thanks very much.

I think I'll turn in

if you don't mind.

Please.

Wait for me, Mr. Claff. Is it much

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