The Phenom Page #2

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But as it is, it's absurd.

I mean, the NCAA's completely corrupt.

Who's that guy, at Duke?

The one at Duke that they are paying

ten million dollars a year

to coach a basketball team.

Coach K, absolutely.

Yeah, these coaches

making a million dollars

while the players get nothing,

it should be illegal.

And so should the Major League drafts.

All drafts should be illegal.

You want to sign with the Yankees,

you should be able to sign with Yankees,

don't you think?

I've never really thought about it before.

All drafts should be illegal.

I don't think Yankees

would be my first pick.

Why not?

Well, you know, New York.

All those people, all that money.

Isn't money important to you?

Yeah, money is important to me but,

only enough to take care of my mom

and I don't have to put up

with those Steinbrenner kids.

Talk to the socialist.

What's a socialist?

It's a person who believes in a system

where there's no private property.

Oh, that's not me. No.

I want to buy my mom a house.

Of course.

You're still a ball player, after all.

I mean you couldn't throw all those

strikes if you were a complete Marxist.

Exactly.

When I grew up, athletes were political.

They wanted to be like Muhammad Ali.

Nowadays, they want to be

like Michael Jordon.

Hollow billionaire. They're capitalists.

No heart or love in what they do.

LeBron went back to Cleveland.

There was love in that move. Kevin Love.

Ba-dum-bum-tssh.

Did I tell you the one

about the polar bear and rabbit?

- Oh, the polar bear and the rabbi?

- Rabbit.

Uh, uh, hold it. LeBron,

are you ready for dessert?

I just called you LeBron, didn't I?

Because I love the game.

Oh, Hopper, are you ready for dessert?

No, you can call me LeBron.

You can call me LeBron. I like it.

My parents, they loved you.

Really?

I'm not used to talking like that

at dinner at all.

Yeah?

- What's it like at your house?

- My house? At dinner?

I always sit in front of the TV.

We eat, we don't really say anything.

My mom works all the time.

She is in real estate. My dad he's...

He's away.

Your family is so smart.

You're smart.

You're going to be a valedictorian.

You got all the Chinese kids beat.

I'm just good at studying, that's all.

I'm terrible at studying.

My Mom says I have ADD.

How do you focus when you're on the mound?

I just forget about everything.

Hopper, come on in for a second.

- Sunflower seed?

- No, thank you.

How is the change up coming along?

Mm-mm. I don't know. Sometimes,

I think I'm getting it, and then...

Yeah.

There's not really anything to get.

You just can't blow up, you know.

Yeah, I guess.

I heard your dad's coming back this week.

Yup.

Is that what you wanted

to talk to me about?

Is he going to stay with you and your mom?

Yeah, I think so.

- How do you feel about him coming back?

- I feel great about it.

- Real f***ing cocksucker.

- Yeah.

My dad rides me pretty damn hard.

I know he does.

He rides me hard too.

He tells me all the time

not to watch the pitch count,

'cause it's going to make you soft.

A dime a dozen.

He's a piece of work, your pop.

Yeah, he thinks you are...

he thinks you're slow too because you didn't

take that third base Coaching gig at FSU.

- That's what he said?

- That's what he said.

You are doing really good.

- Yeah.

- Staying out of trouble.

I'm trying really hard.

And I like Dorothy. That's a good girl.

- Yeah.

- She's got sturdy head over her shoulders.

It seems to me you've been

in the pink since you been with her.

A lot better than with the last one,

I forgot her name right now.

I think it was another "D" name.

- Doreen.

- Doreen.

Any girl going to math class,

puts on that much mascara,

she does not like herself very much.

Anybody puts on that kind of mask,

they unintentionally expose themselves.

Are you listening? I can't tell with you

if you are listening.

I'm listening.

- Are you?

- Yeah, yeah.

This is bananas.

I think your mom took that picture.

High school yearbook.

I was the yearbook editor.

I found that last night,

going through the garage.

He was a really gifted player,

could have gone pro.

You think?

You know, he hit a lot of doubles,

that's what he says.

He's a doubles hitter.

Doubles?

Double vodka, double soda.

Senior year, he started showing up

to practice late and tired and high,

new tattoos all the time,

and then by the end of the season,

he just simply wasn't showing up at all.

He said he got...

kicked off the team for brawling.

There was a bad brawl,

but he never got kicked off the team.

In fact, I remember

the coaches actually liked

that he threw punches in the brawl,

because it's the only time

they'd seen him with any pep all year.

Little did we know that was it.

That was it.

That would be his pastime

from then on, fracas.

I got to go, Coach.

Dorothy is waiting for me.

Look at me.

Be astute.

If late at night,

trouble comes knocking...

at your door, do yourself

a favor, stay in bed.

Yeah.

Go say hi to Dorothy.

So, I have another joke.

I went to the zoo the other day.

But there was only a dog.

It was a Shih Tzu.

Why do you like mayonnaise on your fries?

- Try it, you might like it.

- Mm, no, I'll take my chances.

You never take the chance.

Whenever we go out, you always sit

in the corner, with your back to the wall,

like you are afraid of your own shadow.

Like the Nutcracker cornered

by the Mouse King.

It's the best spot.

You can see everything coming.

If there's a scout over there,

spying on me, then I know it.

And if there's any trouble coming,

I know it.

But, then you never get surprised.

Yeah, well, surprises are overrated.

Hi, y'all.

So...

Hey.

What did Coach have to say?

Why do you care what my coach had to say?

Because I care about you.

Do you have any idea how much

pressure I am under right now?

I'm only trying to help.

I know, but, I mean,

I'm the number three ranked prospect

in the country.

Number one pitcher.

You have any idea what kind

of pressure that is?

Well, who do you think has the best

grade point average in the school?

There is not nearly as much as rivalry.

Yeah, but if I want to go to a great

college, then I need to get a scholarship.

I'm talking about

millions and millions of dollars.

I'm talking about being famous. I'm talking

about being a professional athlete.

You know that a Shih Tzu

is a toy dog, right?

- What are you talking about?

- Shih Tzu and a sh*t zoo.

- Come on.

- And you are telling jokes right now?

- Come now, Hooper, it's only baseball.

- I just...

That's the dumbest thing you've ever said.

It's not just baseball.

You know what? I wanna go home.

You're hurting my feelings.

You really need to toughen up.

- No, I don't.

- Yeah, you do.

No, I don't need to toughen up,

because that's a stupid goal.

Survival of the fittest.

Yeah, it's called Social Darwinism.

And you are scared that if you can't

throw a ball perfectly, then you...

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