The Philadelphia Story Page #7

You can't do that to me,

not a friend of old Junius.

- I mean, not an old friend of Junius.

- I wish old Junius were here.

Tracy, I'll get your wraps.

He'll wrap me up.

- Hello, you.

- Hello.

- You look fine.

- I feel fine.

Good, good.

Oh, wait a minute.

What was I saying?

Oh. Let's have another drink,

or would Kittredge spank?

- That's not what you were saying.

- It isn't? All right.

Not what I was saying.

Oh, oh, I know.

Why do you wish your brother was here?

Does he like Kittredge?

- Everybody likes Kittredge.

- Everybody likes Kittredge.

Everybody except

C.K. Dexter Haven, huh?

- Come on. We'll have some wine.

- Some wine.

Mother, I thought you'd

gone home ages ago.

I should have, but I've been

having such a good time.

- Everybody should have a good time.

- Darling, what's come over you?

Oh, it's just that

a lot of things...

I always thought were

terribly important...

I find now are...

and the other way around and...

Oh, what the dickens.

Connor, you're thirsty,

and the night is young.

- Here we are, dear.

- We're going to have one more drink...

- Not you, I'm afraid.

- Why should you be afraid?

- You know wine never affects me.

- Look here...

What she really wants, George,

is another dance with you.

- Oh, very well.

- Lf it's that much of a chore...

- Not for me!

- You've already been too attentive!

George, please.

What will the neighbors think?

- The course of true love.

- Gathers no moss.

Boy, champagne.

Just the bottle.

I'm going on a picnic.

- You're leaving us, Jock?

- Rather, but I'll be back.

Come on, darling, champagne!

And again and again and again!

Follow that cab!

- What cab, sir?

- No cab.

Some joke, huh? Take me to

the C.K. Dexter Haven mansion.

- Mr. Haven?

- Front entrance.

C.K. Dexter Haven!

This is where

Cinderella gets off.

You hurry back to the ball before you

turn into a pumpkin and six white mice.

Good-bye.

C.K. Dexter Haven.

- What's up?

- You are.

I hope it's worth it.

Come on in.

I bring you greetings.

Cinderella's slipper.

It's called champagne.

Champagne is a great "levelerer."

Leveler.

- It makes you my equal.

- I wouldn't quite say that.

Well, almost my equal.

C.K. Dexter Haven,

I would like to talk to you.

Let's go in the talking room.

- Don't tell me the party's over so soon.

- No, no.

- I just felt like talking to you.

- Well, that's nice.

I wonder if I might

borrow a drink.

Certainly.

Coals to Newcastle.

Here, sit down.

Excuse me.

What's this?

- Is it my book?

- Yes.

C.K. Dexter Haven,

you have unsuspected depth.

- Thanks, old chap.

- But have you read it?

I was trying to stop drinking.

I read anything.

- And did you stop drinking?

- Yes. Your book didn't do it, though.

Are you still in love with her?

Or perhaps you'd consider that

a very personal question.

- Not at all.

- Liz thinks you are!

Liz thinks you are.

But of course, women like to romanti...

romanticize about things.

- Yes, they do, don't they?

- Yes, they do, don't they?

I can't understand how you

could've been married to her...

and still know

so little about her.

- Can't you?

- No, I can't you.

I have the hiccups. I wonder

if I might have another drink?

- Certainly.

- Thank you.

You know, Tracy's

no ordinary woman...

and you said some things to her

this afternoon I resented.

- I apologize, Mr. Connor.

- That's quite all right.

But when a girl is like Tracy,

she's one in a million. She's...

She's sort of like a...

She's sort of like a...

- A goddess?

- No, no, no!

You said that word

this afternoon. No.

She's sort of like a queen...

a radiant, glorious queen...

and you can't treat her

like other women.

No, I suppose not. But then, I imagine

Kittredge appreciates all that.

Kittredge!

Kittredge appreciates Kittredge!

Ah, that fake "man of the people."

He isn't even smart.

He's a five-cent edition

of Sidney Kidd.

Well, I always thought Kidd himself

was the five-cent kid.

And what's that make you worth,

C.K. Dexter Haven...

bringing us down here?

But you know why I did that.

To get even with my ex-bride.

Doggone it, C.K. Dexter Haven...

either I'm gonna sock you

or you're gonna sock me!

Shall we toss a coin?

Kidd's just using you

like he uses everybody else.

You don't know Kidd

like I know him.

The guy's colossal. He's terrific.

He's got everybody fooled.

Yes.

"No mean Machiavelli

is smiling, cynical Sidney Kidd.

"The world's his oyster

with an 'R' in every month."

That's not bad.

When did I say that?

You didn't. I did.

Sorry.

I suppose you never heard about

Kidd's arrangement in Kansas City?

- No.

- In San Francisco?

Let me tell you about

the time he went to Boston...

to be awarded the Sarah Langley

Medal for World Peace.

The true story on that

little jaunt would ruin him.

Look, Connor. What would happen

to you if I used this stuff?

- Why?

- I might want to, very much.

Kidd is holding a dirty piece

on Tracy's father.

- This might stop him.

- On Tracy's father?

That's right.

Oh, so that's how

Kidd got you to...

That's how Liz and I were gotten in.

Blackmail, huh?

We all rode into this thing

on a filthy blackmail.

Look, you use it.

Use it with my blessings.

I'm through anyway. I'm not gonna

hand in a story on this wedding.

- I'm gonna write one on Kidd.

- No, let me do it.

I don't have to tell him

where I got my facts. Okay?

- Okay.

- All right, come on.

Now shoot.

Peace medal. Boston.

Oh, oh.

The time:
May, 1938.

The place:

Boston, in a hotel.

Kidd had just arrived.

And this same Sidney Kidd,

ladies and gentlemen of America...

this protector of American democracy

and homes and firesides...

was at that very moment

entertaining...

the South Carolina Mata Hari

on his yacht.

Don't interrupt me!

This Sidney Kidd,

ladies and gentlemen...

who demanded the respect...

of all who were

connected with him...

- We've come for the body of Macaulay.

- I'm glad you came.

- Can you use a typewriter?

- No, thanks. I have one at home.

Who's that?

Here was Sidney Kidd,

ladies and gentlemen...

Sidney Kidd the good,

Sidney Kidd the noble...

Where's Kittredge?

- The people's choice?

- Yeah.

His bride just dropped him at

the gatehouse after a slight explosion.

A fight?

Fifteen rounds, no decision.

Where's my wandering parakeet?

You look beautiful, Red.

Come on in.

Why?

No particular reason.

A drink, maybe?

I don't drink.

That's right. I forgot.

I haven't.

Show Liz to a typewriter

and stand back.

- Can she do it?

- She can and she will.

- Dictate to her and then bring her home.

- Aren't you coming, Liz?

It seems I've got to

commit suicide first.

- Going my way, Miss?

- Miss Goddess to you.

Okay, Miss Goddess to me.

Champagne's funny stuff.

I'm used to whiskey.

Whiskey's a slap on the back,

and champagne's...

heavy mist before my eyes.

Do you hear a telephone ringing?

I did a little while ago.

Let's see.

No, not yet.

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