The Princess and the Pirate

That's not me, folks.

I come on later. I play a coward.

Lower away. Steady, easy as she goes.

Fill her in and there she rests.

Three years of plunder on the high seas.

Enough gold and treasure

to buy a continent.

And no one will ever know

where it is but you, Captain.

- This map is the only key.

- Very good, Mr. Pelly.

- An excellent job of mapmaking.

- Thank you, sir.

- But just one thing, Mr. Pelly.

- Yes, sir?

What if, by some ill chance,

I should lose this map?

Would you be able to draw me

another one from memory?

With my eyes closed, sir.

- Are you sure?

- Positive.

Thank you, Mr. Pelly.

His eyes are closed,

but I do not see him making another map...

and the same fate will befall

any other man Jack among you...

whose memory is too good.

Back to the ship now, my lads.

We have business to attend.

- Hurry now.

- Where to now, Captain?

There is a packet called the Mary Ann

out of Liverpool for Jamaica.

- We shall pay her a visit, Pedro, my lad.

- I know the Mary Ann well.

- She carries no gold.

- Right you are, Pedro.

But I am informed she has on board ajewel

far more precious than gold.

- Ajewel with blue eyes and silken hair.

- You speak in riddles, Captain.

Perhaps, but I tell you, my lad,

there lives a king...

who'll pay a million doubloons

to the one who returns this jewel to him.

But I know of no such jewel.

Good. When you know too much,

you will follow Mr. Pelly.

Make haste, you blasted sons

of unholy mothers.

We're off for the Mary Ann.

Anything on the horizon, Captain?

A ship flying friendly colors,

but I can't make out her name.

- Hold your course.

- Aye, aye, sir.

Your pardon, Captain. Miss Warbrook says

Sylvester the Great is at it again.

She can stand it no longer.

She desires you to speak to him.

Very good. I'll attend to it at once.

Keep a weather eye on that ship.

- I'll be back shortly.

- Aye, aye, sir.

Yes? Come in.

Have you spoken to that imbecile

in the next cabin?

Yes, but he's rather difficult to control.

I don't believe you'll be troubled

any longer, Your Highness.

Captain, I must admonish you.

It's Miss Warbrook on this voyage.

It slips out, Princess. Miss Warbrook.

I'm worried, my lady.

Should the King discover

that I assisted you in your flight...

You have been well-paid,

and I assure you no harm will come to you.

- But, Your Highness...

- All I want is rest and privacy.

- Please see that I get it.

- As you wish.

No, do not kill him!

Do you not know he is your own father?

Father or no father, this cur shall die.

Perhaps my sword shall put an end

to your vain boasting, Rodney Faversham.

Have it, you!

That this should happen to me.

I'm done for, I tell you.

Don't be frightened. I am rehearsing.

This sword doesn't really go through me.

I couldn't stand that five shows a day.

I'm ticklish. Pardon me.

I'm dying. Dying.

Death's rattle. I'm dead.

- I don't mean to intrude on your rehearsal.

- No, not at all.

Sit down and take a load off my eyes.

I always work better with an audience...

especially when they don't outnumber me.

Wait, I'll take off this putty nose.

Fools everybody.

Look, I want to speak to you

about all this noise...

It'll keep. Say, don't go away.

Here comes the high spot of my act.

There's no limit to what I can do.

That's not me. That's a cat.

It keeps coming here all the time.

Stage-struck, trying to get in the act.

Come on.

I've already got seven faces.

I don't need another puss. Ham.

Mr. Sylvester the Great, you've quite an act.

I'm sure you've worked hard at it, but...

I'm glad you appreciate it.

My act is known all over Europe.

That's why I'm going to America.

I am sure you'll get

the reception you deserve.

Naturally. Say, here's a laugh for you.

You'll find this hard to believe...

but there's a weasel next door

that objects to my rehearsing.

Sends the Captain, telling me to pipe

down. Hasn't got nerve to tell me himself.

The Captain doesn't seem

to have much success, Sylvester.

- I see you haven't piped.

- No, I'm not going to. You know what I did.

I walked into the cabin,

and busted him right in the snoot...

- and him with shoulders like that.

- Sylvester, I have news for you.

- I'm the weasel next door.

- Yeah. I told...

Please try the act in pantomime.

No, do not kill him!

Do you not know that he is your own father?

- What did you say?

- Nothing. I just said "um."

Guess I can say "um."

What do you know?

- What's that?

- Nothing. I just said, "What do you know."

Look at what they said about me

in the Timbuktu Bugle.

Boy, what a write-up,

even mentions my name.

- "Sylvester the Great attracts attention."

- That's enough.

"Of all the actors who ever

played Timbuktu...

"Sylvester the Great

is probably the worst..."

Here's another one

from the Leningrad Tattler.

In Russian that's a great compliment.

It means that I'm a schlemiel.

Very few of us left.

You seem to have done

quite a lot of traveling.

With an act like mine, it's safer. I've been

to many places, the Indies, Europe, Africa.

Should've seen the show I did

on the Road to Morocco.

- Were you good?

- I would have been sensational...

only some overage crooner with laryngitis

kept crabbing my act. I had to brush him.

You know, I've never met an actor before.

You stay away from them.

Most of them go right on the make for a girl.

You know, I got a proposition.

A dame with your wardrobe...

I might be able to use you in my act.

Sylvester, that's very generous of you,

but I can't act.

That never stopped me. Besides,

with your figure, you don't have to act.

You have to stand there in tights, holding

a tray with the stuff for my different faces.

In fact, if we get the right tights,

I might not have to use so many faces.

Sail ho!

Ship closing in off the starboard bow!

All hands on deck!

- What is it, lunch hour?

- Man the gun stations!

- I don't like the looks of this.

- What?

I hear there are pirates in these waters.

Let them stay in the water.

They're dangerous on ships.

Do you know how to use these?

Do I know how to use these?

This is my racket.

What do you think

I wear them for, ornaments?

- The bullet comes out this end.

- Yeah. It must be an old model. Now watch.

Wrong pistol. That's for the silent pictures.

Wait a minute.

You see that seagull up there

on the deckhouse?

Watch me shoot out its left eye.

Imagine what I could have done

if this gun were loaded.

Out of the way, you leather-mugged ape!

Are we fighting or dancing the fandango?

See that flag?

You know what that skull and crossbones

stands for, don't you?

Yeah, iodine, and we're going to need it.

- That's the Avenger, The Hook's ship.

- The Hook?

Yes. For 15 years he's sailed the seas,

thirsting for blood.

He ain't gonna get a drink here.

Don't stand there. Get me a lifeboat.

He'll make me walk the plank.

I'll get my notices wet. Come on.

Fire!

Sylvester, I'm ashamed of you hiding

behind me. Haven't you any backbone?

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