The Princess and the Pirate Page #2

- Yeah, but it's nothing like yours.

- Get up. We must help fight them off.

- What are you, a man or a mouse?

- A man or a mouse. Why, I'm a...

Where's mama?

We'll run alongside. Lie flat

until our bowsprit tangles her rigging...

- then board.

- Aye, aye, sir.

Get going, man.

What are you doing in this fight?

- I'm foreman.

- Here, take your stand by the mainmast.

You heard the Captain.

Take your stand at the mainmast.

Mainmast? I wouldn't know the mainmast

if it fell on me.

I had to open my big mouth.

Fellas, excuse me.

All along the gangway!

Move lively. Lively now!

I'll bash your head in. Come on.

Pardon me. So hard to get coat hangers

these days, I thought I'd use the hook.

The Hook!

Out of my way. I'll slit his gizzard.

Captain, the ship is ours.

The last gun has been spiked.

What further orders, sir?

Find the jewel that we seek

and see that no harm comes to her.

- Spare all the women, but kill all the men!

- Aye, aye, sir.

Put 'em up, I tell you.

One false move and I'll let you have it.

You got it.

Curse you! I'll cut out your gizzard.

You'll dance to the devil's hornpipe

at the end of the main yard!

I'll slit his gizzard! I'll cut him to ribbons!

Open that door, you sniveling idiot!

Plague and perish your ugly bones!

Where did he go, that mangy hound?

I'll see the color of his liver!

Where is he? Tell me where is he?

You addle-brained old idiot,

what tongue do you speak?

It is the language of the gypsies. I learned it

from my grandmother, Gypsy Rose Lee.

Enough, old pig. Tell me where he went

or I'll slit your gullet.

If you mean my son, he was so fearful

of you. He dove through yon window.

Over yon.

- Through yon window?

- Over yon. To a watery grave like this.

- Of course, he was much thinner than I am.

- So you're his scurvy cow of a mother.

- I have a mind to carve you to ribbons.

- Well, I'm not really his mother.

- You know how gypsies are.

- No, but I can rip you open and find out.

Why, the blundering swabs,

they're blowing her up and me still aboard.

I'll have those devils

swinging from the yardarm for this.

Blowing up the ship. He better hurry.

He'll be blown to bits. What about me?

Wait.

Stop! Don't! Don't you recognize me?

I'm trying to tell you, I stole these clothes.

I'm your shipmate, Charley.

Why, of course, it's Charley.

Hi, what have we here? Who are you?

Me? I'm Charley's aunt.

The pretty Mary Ann will sail

the seas no more, Captain.

Blown to Davy Jones' Locker, she is.

Right well done, my lads. Broach another

cask of rum on the main deck.

This day's work will be heard of

far and wide.

- And the crew that did it shall not go thirsty.

- Aye, Captain.

But the jewel of which you spoke, Captain,

where is she?

Come, you shall see.

The Hook is looking at you. Maybe it's me.

Sylvester, you should be

ashamed of yourself in that disguise.

- Why don't you die like a man?

- Because I'd rather live like a woman.

Now I'm not so sure.

You see, Pedro, did I exaggerate?

Fetch her to my cabin.

Here come, me jewel.

No harm will come to you, fair lady.

You are the honored guest of The Hook.

Tell this filthy cutthroat

to take his hands off me!

- You hear, Pedro? Our fair jewel has spirit.

- Aye.

- Handle her gently, but be off with her.

- Wait a minute!

- I've got something to say about this.

- Yes, what have you got to say?

Goodbye, Margaret.

Who brought this old hag on board?

She wouldn't bring a farthing

in the slave market.

- Slit her gullet and throw her to the sharks.

- Aye!

Please, Captain, let me

have this wench for myself.

Everybody on board always gets something,

but I never get nothing.

What am I laughing at?

She ain't much to look at,

but she's good enough for old Featherhead.

- Now wait a minute.

- What say ye, my lads?

Shall we give the old hag

to the toothless one?

Yes!

Never let it be said, lads,

that The Hook isn't generous.

Take her, toothless one, but when you

sober up, I'll warrant you'll regret it.

- Did he hurt you, honey?

- I'm black and blue.

But don't worry, dear.

You're in my hands now.

- That's what I'm worried about.

- Come, sweets.

Where are you taking me?

To my quarters where we can be alone,

just the two of us.

But couldn't we be engaged for a while?

I want you to respect me.

Remember, I saved your life.

From now on, you're mine.

You'll do anything I ask you to.

But if we wait, we can have

a rose-covered cottage in the country.

I can see you now, coming home

after a hard day at the asylum...

me laying out your pipe and slippers

and straitjacket.

- Lovely.

- Wait!

Let's be fair.

Now, my little gypsy sweetheart.

You come near me,

and I'll scratch your eyes out!

Just as I thought.

You are not a woman. You're a man.

Don't be silly. I just had my hair cut.

I couldn't get any bobby pins.

Anyway, it's much cooler these hot nights.

You're a man. I knew it all along.

You didn't fool me. Nobody ever fools me.

Of course not. How can anybody fool you?

You're too smart.

Smart. They think I'm an idiot.

But little do they know

how smart I really am.

Let's keep it a secret.

If you don't tell anybody I'm not a gypsy...

I won't tell anybody you're not an idiot.

You see these pictures on the wall?

I'm the ship's tattooer.

They think that's all I'm good for.

For 10 years, they've beat me

and kicked me, but I'll get my revenge.

They've treated me like a dirty dog,

but now I've got you for a partner.

Yeah, toss me a bone

and let's get out of here.

No one must know our secret.

I'm going to help you to escape.

- Escape? Tell me more, Tyrone.

- You're going to repay me for my help.

Listen to everything I say.

I've stocked the dinghy. There are enough

provisions in it for 10 days at sea...

and if you follow the course

I have charted for you...

you will arrive at the island of Casarouge.

Casarouge? What will I do there?

You will go to the Boar's Head Inn

and ask for my cousin, Pierre Lamonte.

This is him.

He forgot to shave this morning.

You will give him this.

It contains the blood of 1,000 men.

The blood of 1,000 men?

Pretty anemic, weren't they?

- Hey, what are you doing?

- It's all right.

This is a map to a treasure

worth 15 million gold crowns.

I stole it from The Hook.

But once you escape, he'll think you stole it.

- You think he'll be mad?

- Mad!

Why, if he ever catches you,

he'll cut off your legs...

and your arms and your ears

and your nose.

- You mean, he'll streamline me?

- And then he'll slit your gullet.

I knew he wouldn't forget that.

Stop waving that knife at me.

But this knife is to close our deal.

- We'll both sign a pact in blood.

- In blood. Couldn't we use ketchup?

No, blood. It's my knife.

So it'll have to be your blood.

But I've got a knife of my...

Blood. Now, we're partners forever.

Come, I'll show you to the dinghy.

Runs his own blood bank.

You stay here, Featherhead.

I've got business.

What do you want?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes