The Problem with Apu Page #4

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you could make it

work for you, too.

And I'm a big believer

in facing it.

You've got to see

what it was.

So that's why you have

the collection.

Yeah.

But it doesn't horrify you

when you see it?

No, no. No.

Not at all?

No, because when you deal

with ignorance,

how can you be

pissed off?

They don't know

any better.

They're trying

to make a living.

They're making cookie jars.

But Hank isn't ignorant.

He knows

there's a problem with Apu,

yet he still does this.

Remember, please,

children, that in life,

there is nothing that is

not so disgusting

that it cannot be sold

on a heated roller

at a nearly

criminal mark-up.

Based on your definition

of minstrelsy,

does Apu count as a minstrel

since it's brown paint,

a white guy's voice?

I would say so,

but he's not

singing and dancing, is he?

Aah!

Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart

Now, here's the tricky part

Oh, won't you rhyme with me?

Yeah, there's --

there's --

Okay, then, he's in

the minstrel show, too.

If he's singing and dancing,

he's in.

He has

all the qualifications.

He has

all the qualifications.

Maybe if Hank realized Apu is

no different than this

or this...

or this,

he might, I don't know, stop.

We needed to talk

to Hank Azaria.

And, luckily, I have agents.

- Hey, man. It's Hari.

- Hey, Hari.

Yeah, I was just wondering

if we have any news about Hank,

like, if anyone has said

anything from his camp

about, like,

doing the film.

Yeah, check your e-mail.

You sent me an e-mail?

Uh-huh.

You're gonna want to read it.

Okay, so, it's a forward

from his publicist.

"Hank wanted me to

pass this article on to you."

And it's the same

Huff-Po article

that me and him were

both quoted in,

like, three years ago.

So he's, basically,

saying that

he doesn't want to

do the film

and he's not gonna

talk about it anymore.

You okay?

No, I'm fine.

You sure?

No, I'm okay.

No, I'm okay.

I'm fine.

Look, we'll give him a beep...

Yeah.

...and we'll figure out

the next steps.

Okay. Bye.

Well, it's been months,

and Hank Azaria appears to be

ignoring my requests

to talk about Apu on camera.

If I don't get him

to retire the voice,

this whole thing is a failure!

And by thing, I might

possibly mean my career.

So I decided

to "Politically Re-Active,"

my podcast with Kamau,

to sic my fans on Hank.

So, Hari, you're working

on something too, aren't you?

Yes, I am, Kamau.

Thank you for asking.

I'm making a documentary

about Apu from "The Simpsons,"

which I am

very excited about.

We're trying to get Hank Azaria

to be in the film.

He's the voice of Apu.

Tweet @HankAzaria that he

should be in my movie, right.

Sample tweet --

Dear @HankAzaria, please talk

to @HariKonadabolu about Apu

for his documentary

#Apu2016.

Now, let's get

this thing trending.

Let's see if Hank will be

in this movie.

Are you sure

you don't wanna come?

In a Civil War

re-enactment,

we need lots of Indians

to shoot.

I don't know which part of that

sentence to correct first.

There was a guy, the year after

"Harold & Kumar" came out.

I was walking down the street.

He was kind of drunk.

He stumbled out of a bar,

Indian guy, and he goes,

"Hey, I get called Kumar

all the time because of you."

And I just looked at him

and was like,

"It's better than Apu,

isn't it?"

Yeah, right.

And he goes, "Yeah.

Yeah!"

Can you name any other, like,

famous Indian-Americans?

There was --

But he wasn't even

East Indian.

It was the actor

from Johnny 5.

Is that a yes or the number of

your intelligence quotient, hmm?

But he wasn't even

East Indian.

No, Fisher Stevens.

I found out he wasn't Indian

three years ago.

Yeah!

I mean, you never had

the feeling that,

like, at least

we have something?

With Apu?

Yeah.

Hell, no!

Never?

No, it's the same as

"Indiana Jones

and the Temple of Doom."

How many white folks

in brownface,

eating monkey brains

are you gonna deal with?

Chilled monkey brains.

Are there any roles

you regret?

No.

None?

Let me think before I actually

answer that question.

I'm so used to doing

these interviews

where that's where

you're supposed to say.

Yeah.

If you're a Southasian-American

and you dream of being an actor,

your choices are pretty limited.

You either portray

your community

as one-dimensional

with hopes of better work,

or you let

somebody else do it.

It begs the question,

is it better to be clowned

or to clown yourself?

I had a bread-and-butter role

that I did for years,

which was the weeping

ethnic mom

of potential rapist

or murderers.

It is a mother's duty

to protect her son!

I was playing Achmed,

the foreign-exchange student.

And I was wearing a turban

and eating fried camel,

doing these kind of, like,

weird Indian dances.

From, like, 1991 till,

like, '96, '97,

is all just,

literally, cabbie,

cabbie, cabbie, deli,

deli, deli...

...doctor.

One of the first movies I did

was a movie called

"Van Wilder"

with Ryan Reynolds,

and I played

an Indian exchange student.

And I remember very clearly

getting a phone call

from my agent at the time,

and she said,

"Hey, I've got

this audition for you.

It's a supporting lead

in a movie."

She goes, "Okay,

the character's name...

is Taj Mahal.

I'm Taj...Mahal.

And I hung up the phone,

and she calls me back.

And she's like, "I knew

you were gonna do that."

I'm like, "Well, yeah!"

I mean, I didn't major

in Theater and Film

to play Taj Mahal.

Right.

She said, "Look, it's almost

impossible for me

to sell you

without any credits --

any legitimate credits

on your resum.

And I know that

you probably won't want

to do something like this,

but I would really

strongly urge you

to take a look at it."

Was there ever any hesitation

when you were asked to do

an Indian accent

in the casting room?

I always thought to myself,

like, "Look,

if this is

a really cool part,

if the guy happens to be

an Indian guy,

if I take the part,

I accept the responsibility

of lending the character

more dignity

than what's written there,

and to be able

to challenge the director

and the creatives

and, hopefully, not be

fired for that."

So, how easily can something

turn into a racist meme?

Well, despite only being

said eight times

over the entire course

of "The Simpsons" history,

"Thank you, come again"

has haunted Indian children

for over a quarter century.

Why?

It's funny because it's racist.

Uh...this could

take a while, folks.

Thank you, come again.

How would you

define "patanking"

if you were to explain

what that means?

Patanking is

being asked to speak

in a broad Indian accent

with broad acting.

They want the accent

to sound like this,

and they want your tongue to be

really pulled back.

So, patanking was going

into a room

and having to do that

exact thing in front of people,

like a monkey.

This voice has caused

so much trouble.

So, how did Hank

come up with it?

When I first moved to L.A.,

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