The Punk Singer Page #8

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It was all band, band, band...

...band, band, and I'd been in that.

...mode of every band I'd done was.

...just a complete immersion, where.

...my identity was so wrapped up in.

...my bands that it

wasn't really healthy.

You got to keep on

keep on livin'

you got to keep on

keep on livin'

you got to keep on

Kathleen started getting sick.

...on tour a lot, which happens.

You know what I mean?

I get sick every tour,

first day of the tour.

It just happens.

Disproportionate

reactions just won't fade

I noticed her feeling

depressed more than anything...

...and I think I noticed her having.

...more and more sickness, in terms

of, like, losing her voice...

...getting strep throat, whatever.

And she was taking

antibiotics a lot.

So, I think that I did have some.

...sort of sense of, like, the

fact that she wasn't well.

Keep on livin'

you got to keep on

keep on livin'

I knew there was

something wrong, for sure.

I was really worried.

Keep on livin'

keep on livin'

keep on livin'

you got to keep on livin'

keep on livin'

I struggled through the le

Tigre tour dates that we had.

...and everything we had

planned and finished it.

Whoo!

Thank you, guys!

Thank you so much.

I sat down with Jo and J.D. And.

...said, "I can't do this anymore. "

We all had lunch one day, and.

...it was kind of just, like, we

all knew that something was.

...gonna happen, but we

weren't sure what.

And Kathleen was like, "I don't

want to do this anymore. "

I kind of felt, like, spent

in terms of writing songs.

I felt like I had said.

...everything I had to

say up to that point.

Our last real headlining show

was at Webster hall in New York.

I lied when I said I was done.

I knew I wasn't done.

I just didn't want to face the

fact that I was really sick.

I wanted to have

control over it.

I wanted to tell everybody

I chose to stop.

But I didn't... I didn't

... I didn't choose.

I was told by my

body I had to stop.

But that was really painful for

me to be told by anybody or.

...anything what I could

and couldn't do.

So, I told myself and told my

bandmates and told my husband.

...and told the world that I chose.

...to stop playing music because

I had nothing else to say...

Because that felt better to me

than being in touch with the.

...fact that I might not ever be.

...able to do the thing I love more

than anything in the world.

We were seeing just, like,

all these different doctors...

...trying to figure it out.

And they were telling her all

this different stuff, and they.

were doing all kinds of

f***ed-up, crazy tests.

They were like... She had

some weird eye thing, and the.

...doctor's like, "oh, yeah, it's.

...probably lupus, or

it could be M.S."

Just like all this f***ing crazy.

...sh*t, and you're like, "what?"

2008, the illnesses

took a really weird turn.

Sex education through...

I went to the planned

parenthood march.

I was not comfortable.

I was having language problems.

Our next speaker was the

lead singer for bikini kill.

I feel like I don't have

to say anything else.

And le Tigre and the co-founder

of the riot grrrl movement.

I couldn't hear out of the.

...one ear, and I was, like,

really struggling.

All the sudden, the sound

changes in your head.

I thought I was having a stroke.

I couldn't talk.

I couldn't communicate.

And I was slurring,

like I was drunk.

One side of my body felt numb.

The paramedics thought that

I had a minor heart attack.

When I got to the hospital, the

doctor asked me for all my.

...symptoms, and at that point, I

was like, "I'm not gonna lie. "

I just was like, "f*** it.

I'm in the hospital.

I'm just gonna tell

this woman everything. "

She was just like, "yeah, you're

just having a panic attack...

...because there's no way that you

could be having neurological.

...stuff and breathing difficulties

and the stomach stuff. "

She was like, "there's too many.

...body systems to be involved, and.

...there's no illness that has all.

...those body systems involved. "

To be living with something and.

...not knowing what it is,

is really terrifying.

I have late-stage lyme disease...

which means I've had lyme

disease for... Now for.

...about six years.

When she came to see me, she.

...had been ill for

about five years.

She actually recalled that she.

...had been bitten by a

tick back in 2005.

And, in fact, going through her.

...history, she had been

treated for lyme disease.

I took antibiotics for

three weeks afterwards.

So, when I got sick later, I

...never associated it

with lyme disease.

And when it was brought up to

me by different specialists, I

...said, "I already took the test. "

You know, I would pull out my.

...shitty Elisa test that's, like...

...the $20 test that the insurance.

...company wants you to take, show

...it to doctors, and nobody said...

"oh, that's actually a crappy,

totally unreliable test. "

But eventually I got a test

called the Western blot test...

...and it lit up like

a Christmas tree.

It's like if you were superman,

and you met kryptonite.

That's what lyme

disease is like.

I got to take my pills.

When you start treating

someone with lyme disease, that.

...person might get worse

before they get better.

It's kind of like you wake the.

...sleeping giant when you use the.

...antibiotic, and the infection

kicks back even harder.

I just took my

medication an hour ago.

And... I guess I'm

having a reaction.

...now to the... Infection

and the medication.

...meeting up or something.

I'm filming this kind of because.

...in my movie, in the movie about

me, I talk about having this.

...disease and, um, how it makes

it so I can't do things.

And, obviously, I can't be on

stage when I'm like this, and.

...this is me when it's

bad as it gets.

Do I look normal?

No.

'Cause it doesn't

feel normal right now.

But... I want to

show what it's like...

...because a lot of people

get misdiagnosed.

Like, I was misdiagnosed

for five years.

It invades, like, every part of.

...your body, and then, when you

try to get rid of it, you have.

...these really f***ed-up

reactions, and you can't control.

...your body or your speech, and

it's real uncomfortable.

So, it's something that...

Think that's good for now.

We'll get a seizure later.

I'm sure I'll get

a seizure later.

I think we should

do a few more takes.

I don't think people really

saw her at her sickest.

You know, it's

just her and Adam.

More stressed out than

I've been in a long time.

Sh*t is crazy.

When you have an illness like.

...this, it's hard to explain

it to other people.

The expectation out there is...

"okay, so, you had lyme disease.

You took antibiotics.

You should be better. "

When you've had it for five

years, and it hasn't been.

...treated, that's not gonna

be the way that it works.

She never talked about her.

...health or the pain she

was in or anything.

I didn't know for a long time.

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