The Rainmaker Page #2

- I want to cut my children out. Cut, cut.

I had trouble sleeping last night.

I was worried about your estate.

If you're not careful, the government

is gonna get a big chunk of this.

A lot of these taxes can be avoided

with careful estate planning.

All that legal gobbledegook. I suppose

you want your name in the will?

- Of course not.

- Lawyers always want their names in.

There are all kinds of lawyers. But I

do need to know where the money is.

Is it in bonds, stocks, cash?

Rudy, not so fast.

Okay, ma'am.

So we have this money, somewhere...

Who do we leave it to?

I want it all to go to the Reverend

Kenneth Chandler. Do you know him?

He's on television, out of Dallas.

He's got curly grey hair, premature.

He wouldn't dream of touching it up.

I want him to have the money.

- Forgive me, Ms Birdie...

- What?

I just have a real problem

drafting a will -

- that's gonna cut out family

and convey the bulk of the estate -

to a TV personality.

- He's a man of God.

- I realise that. I know.

Is there any way we could...

Do you have to give him everything?

- Could it be 25%?

- He's got a lot of overhead.

His jet is getting old.

Just draw it up the way I asked,

and bring it back so I can review it.

Here's the hustlers when they were

still young and sweet. Cut, cut, cut.

- You come back now.

- Oh, I will.

- Thank you.

- No, thank "you".

- Is that a little apartment back there?

- It used to be. Do you like my garden?

- It's fine. Do you do the work yourself?

- A boy cuts the grass once a week.

30 dollars, can you believe it?

It used to be five.

Are you interested in renting it out?

I couldn't afford much, though.

You could have it reasonably,

if you'd assist me with a few chores.

- Perhaps a little weed-pulling.

- Weed-pulling's my speciality.

I go to hospitals all the time.

Bruiser has contacts at the precinct.

- They feed him accident reports.

- Can I ask you something?

What does Bruiser expect me to do?

You get the case, find the victims,

sign them up. Put the case together.

- So I should solicit?

- What did they teach you in school?

- Not to chase ambulances.

- Learn quick, or you'll starve.

No problem. Ask your doctor,

we can admit you here.

- Nice flowers.

- Thanks.

- William.

- How you doing, Deck?

- Dr Wells.

- Good morning.

Don't act like a lawyer.

"Do not enter. "

- How you doing, Mr McKenzie?

- How are my tests?

Gall bladder. Wrong fish.

Mr van Landel...

Good afternoon, Mr van Landel.

Can you hear me?

Hi.

- Who are you?

- Deck Shifflet, paralawyer.

You haven't talked

to any insurance companies?

Don't, they're just out to screw you.

Do you have a lawyer?

My firm handles tons of car wrecks.

Insurance companies are afraid of us,

and we don't charge a dime.

- Can you wait till my wife gets back?

- Your wife?

Sorry.

I'm very sorry, Mr van Landel.

- Where is your wife?

- She'll be back in a little while.

I'll have to talk to her in my office.

Just sign right there.

You only talk to your doctor. People

will be offering you settlements.

I do not want you to sign anything

without me reviewing it first.

My number is on this card.

Rudy Baylor's number is on the back.

Call that number for him anytime.

Any questions? Good,

we're gonna get you a bunch of money.

- Let's go.

- I'm real sorry.

I'd like to be alone, please.

And that is how it's done.

Piece of cake.

What if the guy had a lawyer?

We came with nothing. If he'd

thrown us out, what have we lost?

Dignity? A little self-respect?

In law school, they don't teach you

what you need to know.

It's all theories and lofty notions

and big, fat ethics books.

- What's wrong with ethics?

- Nothing, I guess.

You should fight for your client, refrain

from stealing money, and try not to lie.

- That was blatant ambulance chasing.

- Who cares?

There's a lot of competition. What they

don't teach in school can get you hurt.

How do you know when a lawyer

is lying? His lips are moving.

What's the difference

between a hooker and a lawyer?

A hooker will stop screwing you

after you're dead.

Lawyers love lawyer jokes.

They're even sort of proud of them.

Why do you suppose that is?

What the hell are you doing?

I'm studying.

- You study on your own time.

- I know...

But the bar exam is next week.

I'm scared.

You want to study? Run over

to the hospital and study with Deck.

- I'm not gonna study with Deck.

- I got a police report here.

- Do we represent her? Is she here?

- Not yet.

Go to the hospital and check it out.

Maybe you can sign her up.

Here you go.

Now, where did this all come from?

You have to tell me where it came from.

I know what's going on the second

I lay eyes on them. Like I'm ten.

My father crying in the bedroom, my

mother with blood all over her face, -

- telling me Dad's sorry,

he won't do it again.

Just tell me yes!

Why are you doing this to me?

It's always the same with you.

You make me so crazy.

Kelly Riker was admitted

three days ago, -

- at midnight, I might add,

with assorted injuries.

The cops found her on the sofa, beat

to hell, wrapped in a blanket, naked.

Cliff Riker, her spouse,

was intoxicated and highly agitated.

He wanted to dish out to the cops

what he was giving his wife, -

- which was, by the way,

a severe beating with a baseball bat.

Evidently his weapon of choice.

- Let's talk about Ms Birdie's millions.

- No, I want to talk about Cliff.

- What happened to Cliff?

- His family bailed him out.

He's due in court in a week.

Nothing will happen.

Colleen Janice Birdsong's late second

husband left her a couple million.

But lawyers,

bad trust department investments -

- and the IRS devoured the estate,

except for $40,000, -

- which Ms Birdie

probably tucked in her mattress.

Sorry.

- Good morning. Isn't it a lovely day?

- Yeah, it's beautiful.

Oh, here's my mulch!

That's right, there.

Stop it! Put it right there.

My yard boy will get it.

Right down there.

Isn't that a fine bunch of mulch?

Excuse me.

I'm not one to meddle, but...

Are you all right?

Are you in pain?

No, but thanks.

I'm up here studying for the bar exam,

so if you need anything, holler.

Anything, all right?

I'll get it for you.

- My name is Rudy Baylor.

- Kelly Riker. Nice to meet you.

Why don't you sit down?

Go ahead, take a seat.

What school do you go to?

I went to Austin Peay,

then to law school at Memphis State.

I always wanted to go to college, -

but it didn't work out.

I always thought I'd go,

but it didn't work out.

- What kind of lawyer will you be?

- I enjoy trial work.

I'd like to spend my days

in a courtroom.

- Defending criminals?

- Maybe. They're entitled to a defence.

- They have a right to their day in court.

- Murderers?

Most murderers can't afford

a private lawyer.

Rapists and child molesters?

No.

Men who beat their wives?

Criminal work is a rare speciality.

I'll probably be doing more...

...civil litigation.

- Lawsuits and stuff?

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