The Replacements Page #3

McGINTY (V.O.)

Daniel Bateman, L.A.P.D. and ex-

Navy SEAL. Awarded a Purple Heartfor losing a kidney during combatin the Gulf War. He was a walk-on

at Michigan State before giving upfootball and sneaking back intothe service for one more tour of

duty.

BANES (V.O.)

But... you said he lost a kidneythere.

Bateman viciously head-butts one of the bikers beforestuffing the other's head into the meth mixture.

McGINTY

I guess he went back to find it.

He pulls him out and clubs him with a big policeblackjack, whap! Bateman looks around and spots a bigBiker cowering in a corner. The guy is terrified.

Bateman gives him a sick smile. But then three more

POLICEMAN run in, out of breath. They look around at theunconscious Bikers.

POLICEMAN #1

Jesus, Bateman! Why don't youever wait for us?!

BEEP! BEEP! Someone's BEEPER is going off. The three

cops look at theirs. Nothing. The cowering Biker looksat his.

BIKER #2

Not me.

Bateman pulls his beeper, studies it and looks puzzled.

BATEMAN:

What area code is 202?

POLICEMAN #1

Washington, D.C.

CUT TO:

13.

15 EXT. MINI-MART - DAY

A man dutifully sweeps up outside the rundown mini-martwith his back TO us. CLIFFORD FRANKLIN. All is calm

until... wham! the door bursts open and a TEN-YEAR-OLDBOY runs out of the door. The KOREAN STORE OWNER stepsoutside as he screams:

KOREAN STORE OWNER

Clee-Ford!

15

ON CLIFFORD FRANKLIN

as he drops his broom and spins around to reveal he'swearing one of those Breathe-Rite bandages over his nose.

KOREAN STORE OWNER

(pointing excitedly)

Tween-kee!

Franklin gets into a track set position before springingup and down the street like Carl Lewis on crack.

16 DOWN STREET

The Little Boy has a long lead on Franklin. But Franklin

kicks it into hyper-drive and begins to close the gap...

McGINTY (V.O.)

Clifford Franklin, he was a 100

meter qualifier in the Olympicsbefore he pulled a hamstring inthe final trials. Great attitude.

Great desire. And the fastest son

of a b*tch I've ever seen...

The Little Kid can't believe that Clifford is catching

up.

LITTLE KID:

Here! Take it! Take it!

The Kid tosses the Twinkie back over his shoulder...

PILACHOWSKI (V.O.)

But can he catch?

SLOW MOTION as the Twinkie spins end over end through theair. Franklin holds up his hands, sucking the airthrough his Breathe-Rite nose and exhaling through hischeeks as the Twinkie hits his hands... and falls to the

street. He steps on it as cream filling squishes frombeneath his track shoes.

(CONTINUED)

16

14.

16 CONTINUED:
16

McGINTY (V.O.)

That's why I have you, Leo...

We hear the WHOOSH WHOOSH of Pilachowski's INHALER, as

we...

CUT TO:

17 INT. BACKSTAGE - NIGHT 17

We hear SCREAMS and APPLAUSE as we HOLD ON two hugebodyguards dressed in identical black suits. ANDRE and

JAMAL JACKSON. Suddenly, the off-stage door opens and theBACK-DOOR BOYS step out. They're a spoiled, young,

preening white pop group (think Backstreet Boys -- butwith even less soul.)

BACK DOOR BOY #1

Yo, homes! We kicked it old

school!

BACK DOOR BOY #2

We're keeping it real!

They high-five each other as Jamal rolls his eyes.

JAMAL:

(under his breath)

Keepin' it real my ass...

ANDRE:

Be cool...

Andre and Jamal fall in front of the group, leading themto the backstage door.

McGINTY (V.O.)

Andre and Jamal Jackson. Together

they were the best tandem team of

guards in the game. But then

Andre got traded. And they both

fell apart...

Andre's cell PHONE suddenly goes off.

ANDRE:

Hold on...

(into phone)

Yes?

(stops)

You kiddin' me?

(CONTINUED)

THE REPLACEMENTS - Rev. 9/18/99 15.

17 CONTINUED:
17

Who is it?

JAMAL:

Shhh!

ANDRE:

Jamal edges his way in to listen. And now they're bothgetting excited. We reach the exit doors as they swing

open.

BACK-DOOR BOY #3

Where's the limo?

BACK-DOOR BOY #4

This is, like, whack!

We hear the fans SCREAMING for them.

are used to this.

But the teen idols

BACK-DOOR BOY #5

Andre... keep them away.

(then)

Andre!

(panicking)

Andre? Jamal?!

But Andre and Jamal are on the telephone. The girlsattack the pretty boys who shriek in horror! Andre and

Jamal freeze before looking over. A long beat.

ANDRE:

Damnit, Jamal! You were s'posedto be watching those Back-DoorBoys!

JAMAL:

(a little smile)

They ain't keepin' it real no more...

Andre sighs before he shrugs and gives in.

JAMAL:

Aw sh*t, let's play some football.

Right on...

ANDRE:

CUT TO:

17A OMITTED 17A

THE REPLACEMENTS - Rev. 9/18/99 15A.

18 EXT. HELL'S KITCHEN (NEW YORK) - DAY 18

We see a street full of garbage and graffiti as we CLOSEON an authentic Welsh pub by the name of "GRUFF'S."

(CONTINUED)

16.

18 CONTINUED:
18

A little sign in the window proclaims, "Today's Special:

Boiled Rabbit!"

McGINTY (V.O.)

Nigel Gruff, striker out of

Cardiff now residing in Hell's

Kitchen. They called him 'The

Leg' because he could kick a

soccer ball the entire length of

the field -- and score.

PILACHOWSKI (V.O.)

Has he kept in shape?

McGINTY (V.O.)

Yeah. By Welsh standards.

18A INT. GRUFF'S PUB - SAME TIME 18A

As we see what has become of The Leg. Nigel Gruff isstanding on top of the bar, holding a Guinness as he sings"Better to be a Welshman" to his drunken friends.

He wears an old T-shirt two sizes too small and sweat

pants that have been cut into shorts which show off hisnow spindly legs. A cigarette dangles from the corner ofhis mouth and we get the feeling that the only weights helifts are the pints of beer he puts away. He finishes

the ditty as his friends cheer.

NIGEL:

Drinks are on the house, mates!

Everyone bum-rushes the bar. But as he hops down off ofthe counter he finds himself face to face with three

shady-looking mobsters from the neighborhood.

NIGEL:

Bullocks.

The BIG GANGSTER grabs him and throws him up against thewall as the SMALLEST GANGSTER, and the one in charge,

steps up.

SMALL GANGSTER:

Pissing away our money again,

Nigel?

NIGEL:

Oh no, sir! The money's on its

way!

(CONTINUED)

17.

18A CONTINUED:
18A

GANGSTER #2 (BIG GANGSTER)

Yeah, to the O.T.B.!

NIGEL:

I'm tellin' ya I got a line on ahorse! Swear on my mum's grave!

Suddenly the TELEPHONE RINGS.

NIGEL:

There! That's probably them nowtellin' me I'm in the money!

(picks up phone)

Gruff's Pub!

(pauses)

What? Are you daft?

(but then)

How much?

Nigel's eyes go wide as he hears the amount. Then:

NIGEL:

(quietly, into phone)

Could I get that in cash?

Preferably tens and twenties...?

CUT TO:

19 EXT. MARINA - DUSK 19

A cold and tired Shane Falco, wearing his patched wetsuit, climbs out of his inflatable dinghy...

PILACHOWSKI (V.O.)

Shane Falco? You don't mean

Footsteps Falco from Ohio State?

The same.

McGINTY (V.O.)

PILACHOWSKI (V.O.)

He hasn't played in years!

McGINTY (V.O.)

Then he should be well-rested,

shouldn't he?

Shane flops onto the deck of his boat, exhausted, when...

McGINTY (O.S.)

You look like a swordfish I caught

once.

(CONTINUED)

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