The Right Stuff Page #4

Major, Eddie here has a little problem

with his girlfriend.

Did you ever have a problem like that

when you were ten?

Yes, I did, Bob.

I liked a girl in my class, but...

the other guys liked her, too,

and she didn't pay attention.

But I kept after her, Eddie.

Did you finally get her to notice you?

Yes, I did.

In fact, I finally got her to marry me.

They love the guy.

Delta Charlie 9, you are clear to land...

at 180 degrees.

Jos Jimnez on approach.

My name, Jos Jimnez.

Yeah, Shepard, I forgot.

You are clear at 180 degrees.

Some boys here want to talk to you

about being an astronaut.

They want to make me an astronaut?

Oh, I hope not.

Are you sure the Navy's got good pilots?

They call them aviators in the Navy.

They say they're better than pilots.

Gentlemen, I'd like you

to meet Alan Shepard.

What?

I'd like you to meet Alan Shepard.

Just the man we came to see.

Well. Pleasure.

You've heard about our project.

We're going up against the Russians.

It's got the highest...

Priority.

It's a hazardous...

undertaking. In fact,

it's extremely hazardous.

It's so hazardous that

if you decide not to volunteer...

it will not be held against you in any way.

- Sounds dangerous.

- It is.

Count me in.

There's nothing to worry about.

Absolutely nothing.

Why are you doing this to me?

I'm afraid there's no simple way

to explain that to you.

Thank you, Number 21.

Number 22, please.

You're gonna love it.

Please. Sit right there.

Put your arm right up here.

Excuse me, are you John Glenn?

Scott Carpenter.

I recognize you from those TV shows.

I like them.

I had a good time doing them.

I guess we're both here

for the same reason.

You know what they've got planned?

No. Let me check it out.

What have you got scheduled?

We're not really free

to reveal all the testing.

I don't get this.

Sending us down here

disguised as civilians.

Come on, Gus, cut it out. What the hell.

Hot Dog, this entire operation's

supposed to be hush-hush.

We got top-secret orders to blend in

with the patients. So shut up.

There might be Russian agents here.

They don't look very Russian to me, Gus.

All we got here is your local gentry, and...

then you got Navy

and Marine pilots over here.

None of these guys is up

to Air Force standards.

I hear they got some 50-some guys

trying out for seven spots.

After they pick us three,

there's only gonna be four spots.

Sounds right to me. Where do we go next?

You go in that door.

Who are you?

My name, Jos Jimnez.

You talking to us, buddy?

All Air Force pilots go in that door.

When they all go in...

they all look the same.

But when they all come out...

they all look different.

How's that?

Fellow, I said how's that?

When they all come out...

they all look scared.

Buenos das, Gonzlez.

Buenos das yourself.

Would you come this way?

That guy didn't fool me a bit.

That Mexican guy?

That guy's Navy all the way.

There's another swabbo.

I'll open the box a little so you can see.

Don't put your fingers in there.

This thing will bite them off. It's vicious.

Real swabbo sense of humor.

Let's see what there is

to be scared about back here.

The ball must be maintained

in the position between these two lines.

You may begin... now.

The record is 91 seconds.

Ninety-three seconds. Read it and weep.

Terrific, Scott. Darn good!

You were probably

just getting warmed up.

Next time I doubt I'd win.

I don't know about that.

We're competing with Archie and Jughead.

Let me out of here! Let me out!

Gus, I got this whole thing figured out.

The drill here...

Number 3.

The drill here is to see who can drill

the brains out of Nurse Murch.

Nineteen.

You're nuts.

She thinks we're all just

miserable pudknockers.

This is one fighter jock

who is not a miserable pudknocker.

She's a woman,

susceptible to charms like all of the rest.

You want what in there?

Sperm.

What for?

Sperm motility factors.

Yeah, but, Nurse...

how am I supposed to...

The best results seem to be obtained

through fantasization...

accompanied by masturbation,

followed by ejaculation.

That sounds easy enough.

I'll tell you what.

If I get stuck, you mind coming in

and helping me out a little bit?

Please return it to the lab.

Hey, cut out the humming in there.

Okay, knock it off in there.

Okay, Glenn, I know that's you.

Just knock it off,

because I'm trying to concentrate in here.

That was quick.

There's plenty more

where that came from.

You want to see me again?

I'd like to meet your wife.

My wife?

You're married, aren't you?

Yeah, sure, I'm married all right.

Happily?

Yeah. A real stable relationship, too.

I'd like to meet your wife.

You'd like to meet my wife?

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow?

Tomorrow's no good.

Tomorrow.

I need you, Trudy.

I'm talking about a whole new ballgame.

Fresh start.

This astronaut thing is the best way

for us to move up that ladder.

If we play our cards right,

we go all the way to the top.

We? You mean you.

I mean we.

We're a team.

Have I ever let you down?

Yeah.

Who's the best pilot you ever saw?

You're looking at him.

You're all set. I told her you were stable,

well adjusted, attentive, persevering.

- I lied.

- That a girl.

What'd she say?

She laughed.

She knows you too well, Gordo.

Let's face it. Some women

just have a problem with men.

Yeah, I know.

At secret locations throughout America...

fifty-six of our greatest pilots

are at this moment...

vying to be one of the first men

to go into space.

These are the most up-to-date

tests imaginable.

This is the most rigorous physical testing

ever done to human beings.

They're being subjected to every stress

our doctors and engineers can invent.

These men are preparing themselves

for the ordeal of capsule life.

They will be guiding a new machine

through a hostile environment.

They will be faced with emergencies

no man can foresee.

Many are called, but few will be chosen.

These are men who will have to face

any danger for their country.

No individual will have ever been

so adequately prepared for an event.

Each man knows

that whoever survives this competition...

is destined to become

a legend in his own time.

Here, hold this.

And hold this like this.

When the clamp is released,

the balloon inside you deflates.

Deflates? Where's the john?

Two floors up. Gonzlez will take

you there, but wait here with him.

How's it going, Gonzlez?

Faster!

Good day, Commander.

You prick!

Push the button.

Me and my friends think your

Jos Jimnez imitation is A-okay.

But what you're doing with it is b-a-d.

You're right, you're absolutely right.

Open!

You ever have any explosions doing this?

All the time. It's a mess.

Tell me something else, Mr. Gonzlez.

How am I doing?

I think you're gonna make it.

I think you're gonna be an astronaut.

After a long...

and unprecedented series of evaluations...

which told our medical scientists...

of their superb adaptability

to their upcoming flight...

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