The Right Stuff Page #6

a fully automated vehicle...

all we seek from the occupants...

of the capsule is data.

The so-called astronaut...

would merely be a redundant component.

And here you can see...

these chimps are capable of many

of the same tasks as men.

And they are much more cooperative.

They are being put through every phase

of the astronaut training.

As far as we are concerned,

the question still remains:

Which one will be first?

The man or...

the monkey?

We shall see.

Take it easy with that.

- Where are you putting the window?

- Window?

There is no window.

No window?

What about the hatch?

We need a hatch with explosive bolts,

that we can open ourselves.

There's something you don't understand.

This is the final form of the capsule.

No hatch.

What would happen

if the automatic controls went out?

With backups, checks,

this would not happen.

I said, what would happen if it did?

The pilot would have to fly it back.

This is the way it is.

I wonder how the press

will feel about this.

The press? What does the press

have to say about this?

Do you boys know

what makes this bird go up?

Funding makes this bird go up.

That's right. No bucks...

no Buck Rogers.

And the press over there...

They all want to see Buck Rogers.

And that's us.

Buck Rogers.

You see, those fellows over there

have been making us out...

as the seven finest and bravest pilots

in all America.

If the story would come out in the press...

that we are not allowed to fly as pilots...

We want a window.

There could maybe be...

in future capsules a window...

here.

No, that's where the hatch

with explosive bolts goes.

The hatch with the explosive...

There could be a hatch

with explosive bolts on the capsule.

That is a spacecraft, sir.

We do not refer to it as a "capsule."

Spacecraft.

A hatch with explosive bolts on the...

spacecraft.

And there will be pitch and yaw thrusters

to enable the occupant...

The pilot.

Astronaut-pilot?

The astronaut...

pilot...

to have some...

To have...

control...

of the re-entry procedures.

We appreciate it.

You wouldn't mind if we had the press

take a few photos of us, would you?

Which one of you is going to be

the first one to be launched into space?

Here he is.

Captain Ham.

Grinning like a possum

eating a sweet potato.

Does he look like the kind of guy

who'd put doo-doo in the capsule?

Ham in a can.

America's first astronaut. Look at him!

You take a monkey like this,

you can make him a democrat, a politician.

I think he's better looking than Crossfield.

How would you like to go up

with this guy as your copilot?

They've got a man up there. It's Gagarin.

We know. Sit down.

All right, give them a break.

Is it true you were ready to go

and the flight was cancelled?

Is it true we could've beaten the Russians?

Why didn't we send a man up

instead of a monkey?

I think we ought to be...

forthright, gracious,

and magnanimous and say...

the Russians beat the pants off us.

No sense in kidding ourselves about it.

But the space age has begun,

and there's plenty of work.

Who will be the second man in space?

You mean who will be

the first free man into space?

We know it'll be Glenn. Just tell us when.

That's a secret.

I'm tired of being "forthright,

gracious, and magnanimous."

I'm tired of stupid questions

from the press.

I'm tired of smocks,

of engineers telling us what we can't do.

I'm tired of everybody saying

we are not pilots.

I'm tired of monkeys.

Most of all, I'm sick and tired

of being second to those...

those darned Russians. It's time we...

Got someone up there!

F***ing A, bubba.

- Exactly.

- Let's talk to them.

Let's get this thing on the road.

I'm tired of messing around.

We'll just tell 'em we're ready.

We're ready to go.

In these three weeks since the Russian

Gagarin's flight surprised everybody...

one wretched event has followed another.

People have begun to say

our rockets always blow up...

our boys always botch it.

Some say this is not the time to try

desperate deeds to beat the Soviets.

The question really is:

Are we actually ready

to launch a man into space?

And yet out here at this very moment

sits a rocket, waiting in the night.

Soon, one American astronaut

will climb atop that rocket...

in what may be the greatest

death-defying stunt ever broadcast.

The identity of America's first astronaut

has been kept a secret...

until almost the final moment.

The question everyone has asked is:

Which one will be first?

Not very funny, John.

But I do appreciate it, John.

I surely do.

Vaya con Dios, Jos.

Dear Lord, please don't let me f*** up.

I didn't quite copy that. Say again, please.

I said, everything's A-okay.

Well, that's what I thought you said.

He said everything is A-okay.

He says everything is A-okay.

And there you have it.

Roger. Auto retro-jettison switch.

Retro-heater switch... off.

Retro-heater switch... off.

Landing-bag switch... auto.

Roger. Landing-bag switch... auto.

This is it, ladies. This is for Life magazine.

My God! They're going

after the diaper-service man.

Stop that! Stop it!

We don't have a diaper-service man.

Get back from the door.

I don't know them, really.

Oh, Louise, your lawn!

Leave those diapers alone!

Shut that door!

Why are they here?

What do they want?

We are here live at the house

of Louise Shepard...

wife of Astronaut Al Shepard,

who is about to go into space.

Wanted to keep you informed,

Mrs. Shepard.

Everything's A-okay.

Nothing to worry about.

Just some delays.

What kind of delays?

There's another hold from NASA,

another delay.

And Alan Shepard sits there

patiently waiting.

What can be going through

a man's mind at this moment?

I have to urinate.

Urinate?

Urinate? No. We did not think of that.

This is only a 15-minute flight.

The man's been up there for hours.

Could he do it in his suit?

It might be dangerous.

To introduce liquid...

into the pure oxygen of the capsule

and the pressure suit...

might cause a short circuit.

It could start a fire.

No. Tell him he cannot.

Listen, old buddy, they promise

we'll stop at the next gas station.

Request that you remain

in a holding pattern till then.

- You sure you just want a little smidgen?

- About a half a cup.

- And nothing in it?

- That's fine.

All right.

Alan had four cups of coffee

before he went to work this morning.

All this waiting is driving me crazy.

I had a little accident.

Request permission to relieve bladder.

Look, the man has got to go.

It's either that or we get the lug wrench

and pry him out.

Do it in the suit.

Jos, permission granted...

to wet your diapers anytime, son.

Suit thermometer says

Freon flow jumping from 30 to 45.

Left lower-chest sensor.

No short-out. Moving up back.

Well...

I'm a wetback now.

It is questionable if we can proceed.

I'm cooler than you are. Why don't you

fix your problems and light this candle!

He's right! Let's light this candle!

He surely is! Light the candle!

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