The Room Page #2

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Johnny enters the flower shop.

Johnny:
Hi.

Florist:
Can I help you?

Johnny:
(removing sunglasses) Yeah, can I have a dozen red roses, please?

Florist:
Oh hi, Johnny, I didn’t know it was you. Here you go.

Johnny:
That’s me! How much is it?

Florist:
It’ll be eighteen dollars.

Johnny:
Here you go, keep the change. Hi doggy!

Florist:
You’re my favorite customer.

Johnny:
Thanks a lot, bye!

Florist:
Bye bye!

Johnny exits with the roses and gets in his car.

Cut to Lisa in the room, talking on the phone.

Lisa:
Yeah, delivery. 555-4828. Half Canadian bacon with pineapple, half artichoke with pesto and light on the cheese. Thanks.

She hangs up, and the doorbell rings.

Lisa:
Who is it?

Denny:
Denny!

Lisa:
Hey Denny, how are you doing?

Denny:
I’m fine. What’s new?

Lisa:
Actually I’m really busy. Do you want something to drink?

Denny:
No thanks. I just want to talk to Johnny. You look beautiful today. Can I kiss you?

Lisa:
You are such a little brat!

Denny:
I’m just kidding! I love you and Johnny.

Lisa:
Okay, okay. Johnny’s going to be here any minute. You can wait if you want.

Denny:
I gotta go. You’ll tell him I stopped by.

Lisa:
Of course.

Denny:
Bye.

Lisa:
Bye, Denny.

Denny exits.

Cut to exterior shot of the house. Johnny’s car pulls up.

Johnny enters the room.

Johnny:
Hi babe. These are for you. (he presents a bouquet of roses)

Lisa:
Thanks honey, they’re beautiful. Did you get your promotion?

Johnny:
Nah.

Lisa:
You didn’t get it, did you?

Johnny:
That son of a b*tch told me that I would get it within three months. I save them bundles. They’re crazy. I don’t think I will ever get it. They betray me, they didn’t keep their promise, they tricked me, and I don’t care anymore.

Lisa:
Did you tell them how much you save them?

Johnny:
Of course, what do you think? They already put my ideas into practice. The bank saves money, and they are using me, and I am the fool.

Lisa:
I still love you.

Johnny:
You’re the only one who does.

Lisa:
At least you have friends. I didn’t get any calls today. You’re right. The computer business is too competitive. Do you want me to order a pizza?

Johnny:
Whatever, I don’t care.

Lisa:
I already ordered a pizza.

Johnny:
You think about everything, ha-ha.

Lisa:
What’s the matter? Are you alright? It’s just a lousy promotion. You know what you need? You need a drink.

Johnny:
I don’t drink, you know that!

Cut to Lisa emerging from the kitchen with, it seems, scotch and vodka.

Johnny:
Ha-ha-ha-ha.

She mixes them to form scotchka.

Lisa:
Don’t worry about it. It’s good for you.

Johnny:
You must be crazy. I cannot drink this.

Lisa:
If you love me, you’ll drink this.

She raises his glass to his mouth and he drinks.

Johnny:
You’re right, it tastes good. A-ha.

Lisa:
I know. I am right. Don’t worry about those f***ers. You’re a good man. Drink and let’s have some fun.

They drink. Cut to later, when they have had quite a bit to drink and Lisa is now wearing Johnny’s tie as a headband.

Johnny:
Ha-ha-ha. A-ha-ha-ha. Mmm.

Lisa laughs hysterically. Johnny drops and shatters a glass.

Johnny:
You have nice legs, Lisa. Ha-ha.

Lisa:
(laughing) You have nice pecs.

Johnny:
A-ha-ha. I’m tired, I’m wasted, I love you darling!

Lisa:
Come on, make love to me.

Johnny:
Unhhh…

Lisa:
Come on, you owe me one.

Johnny:
I love you, Lisa.

Lisa:
I love you, Johnny. (she rips open his shirt)

They make out on the couch, and then we cut to the bedroom for a lovemaking sequence that seems to be recut from their previous lovemaking sequence, but with a different terrible R&B song. Mercifully, it only lasts for about a minute.

Cut to the famous “painted ladies” of San Francisco.

Cut to the room.

Lisa:
So I’m organizing the party for Johnny’s birthday. Can you come?

Claudette:
When is it?

Lisa:
Next Friday at six. It’s a surprise.

Claudette:
Oh.

Lisa:
You can bring someone if you want.

Claudette:
Well, sure, I can come. But I don’t know if I’ll bring anybody. Oh! That jerk Harold. He wants me to give him a share of my house. That house belongs to me. He has no right. I’m not giving him a penny. Who does he think he is?

Lisa:
He’s your brother!

Claudette:
He’s always bugging me about my house. Fifteen years ago, we agreed, that house belongs to me. Now the value of the house is going up and he’s seeing dollar signs. Everything goes wrong at once. Nobody wants to help me, and I’m dying.

Lisa:
You’re not dying, mom.

Claudette:
I got the results of the test back. I definitely have breast cancer.

Lisa:
Look, don’t worry about it. Everything will be fine. They’re curing lots of people every day.

Claudette:
I’m sure I’ll be alright. Oh! I heard Edward is talking about me. He is a hateful man. Oh, I’m so glad I divorced him.

Lisa:
Don’t worry about it. You just concentrate on getting well.

Claudette:
Well at least you have a good man.

Lisa:
You’re wrong! Mom, he’s not what you think he is. He didn’t get his promotion. And he got drunk last night. And he hit me.

Claudette:
Johnny doesn’t drink! What are you talking about?

Lisa:
He did last night. And I don’t love him anymore.

Claudette:
Johnny is your financial security. You can’t afford to ignore this.

Lisa:
Yeah, okay mom. Can I just talk to you later?

Claudette:
You don’t want to talk to me.

Lisa:
I just got done talking with a client, and I have to get ready to meet him. Can I just talk to you later?

Claudette:
Okay. I will see you later. Bye bye.

Claudette exits. Cut to an exterior shot of the house.

Cut to the room. Michelle and Mike enter, nervously.

Michelle:
How much time do we have?

Mike:
I dunno, uh, a couple hours? At least.

Michelle:
Well, let’s have some fun.

They sit on the couch and Mike opens a box of chocolates.

Mike:
Did you, uh, know, that chocolate is the symbol of love?

Michelle:
(laughing) Feed me.

Mike puts a chocolate in Michelle’s mouth and then makes out with her. He puts a chocolate on her chest and eats it off of her.

Michelle:
Yum!

Mike:
It’s delicious!

Michelle:
Arms up! (she takes off Mike’s shirt) Chocolate is a symbol of love.

Michelle places a chocolate in Mike’s mouth and then makes out with him. She starts to go down on him, although he begins reacting with comically exaggerated orgasm faces before she’s in position to do anything.

Cut to an exterior shot of the painted ladies.

Cut to the room, where Mike and Michelle are startled by Lisa and Claudette entering.

Claudette:
Hello? What are these characters doing here?

Lisa:
They like to come here to do their… homework.

Claudette:
What homework?

Lisa:
Mom, this is Michelle’s boyfriend Mike. Mike, this is my mother.

Mike:
It’s a pleasure to meet you.

Claudette:
Mm.

Michelle:
Uh-huh.

Mike and Michelle exit.

Claudette:
Unh. Oh, all that shopping wore me out.

Denny enters.

Denny:
Hi Lisa.

Lisa:
Hey Denny. Denny, this is my mom. Mom, this is Denny.

Claudette:
How many people come in and out of this apartment every day? This is worse than Grand Central Station!

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