The Royal Tenenbaums Page #7

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What's the situation?

Well, um, I think Eli maybe...

Hold it.

Pagoda, meet me in the lobby.

Let's hit it.

I didn't mean right this second,

but... that's okay.

I don't think it was Ramses.

I believe

it was Tootinkamen.

Tutankhamen.

Tutankhamen?

Yes. Tutankhamen.

Yes?

Hey, Richie.

We want to take you

to get some help.

Is it just you guys?

Would you

excuse us, please?

Okay.

Are we still friends?

What do you mean?

Are we?

Of course.

How can you even ask me that?

Well, it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter?

It does matter.

I heard about you and Margot.

I'm sorry.

I don't know what to say.

You don't have to say anything.

I always wanted

to be a Tenenbaum, you know.

Me, too.

'Cause it doesn't mean

what it used to though, does it?

I wish he'd done this for me

when I was a kid.

But you didn't have

a drug problem then.

Yeah, but it would've meant

a lot to me.

Anyway, I'm glad

you're here now.

I recognize

that I have a problem...

and I want to get better.

I'll just grab my stuff.

There he goes.

What?!

There he goes.

Tucker!

Skiddly, skiddly.

# Christmastime is here #

# Happiness and cheer... #

I'd like to order some ice cream

for my daughter, please.

What would you like, Margot?

Nothing. I told you

I have to go in five minutes.

Oh.

I'll have a butterscotch sundae,

I guess.

Your brother's all torn up

inside.

Well, so am I, but I'm not going

to discuss it with you.

Oh...

Can't somebody be a sh*t

their whole life

and try to repair the damage?

L- I mean, I think people want

to hear that.

Do they?

Mmm.

You probably don't even know

my middle name.

That's a trick question.

You don't have one.

Helen.

That was my mother's name.

I know it was.

Anybody interested

in grabbing a couple burgers

and hitting the cemetery?

I got something for you, Ethel.

Actually, I made it.

What's this?

It's a divorce.

From you?

Yes.

This is Sanchez.

He's a notary public.

- Hello.

- Hello, sir.

You just sign here

and initial here

and sign there.

You own this building,

don't you, Henry?

Hmm.

It's magnificent.

I used to be a homeowner myself

until our son expropriated it

from me.

I got to catch my bus.

Thanks, Sanchez.

You're welcome.

Are we divorced?

Almost.

Sanchez just has

to file the papers.

I love you, Etheline.

Congratulations to both of you.

I didn't think so much

of him at first.

But now I get it.

He's everything that I'm not.

Take back Pagoda, will you?

Uh, slightly uneven.

Looks okay. You're just nervous.

Henry?

Hello, Richie.

Hi.

This is my son, Walter Sherman.

Hi, Walter. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Henry's your dad?

Yes.

So you've been married before.

Yes. I'm a widower.

Oh, yeah.

I forgot.

You know, I'm a widower myself.

I know you are, Chas.

What are you chewing on?

My nicotine inhaler.

It's supposed to help me quit.

Is it working?

Not really.

Well, of course,

I'm halfHebrew

but the children are

three-quarters Mick Catholic.

So they were raised

in the church?

I believe so.

I really don't know.

Here I come.

Boys!

What was that?

Eli just crashed his car

into the front of the house.

Oh, my God.

Where's my shoe?

Ari, Uzi, where are you?

They're okay, Chas.

It's okay. They're safe.

They're safe.

Dad, they ran over Buckley.

What?

Yeah, I think we lost Buckley.

He saved them.

Who?

Dad. He pulled them

out of the way.

You did?

Did I hit anyone?

Is everybody okay?

Eli!

What's going on?

Eli!

What?

Hey, man.

You should try this.

It's very tasty.

Tenenbaum!

Chas?

Did I hit the dog?

Yeah.

Is he dead?

Yeah.

I need help.

So do I.

Go around to the other side.

You kids stay there.

We'll be right back.

Yeah.

Can I say something

to you, Henry?

Okay.

I've always been considered

an a**hole

for about as long

as I can remember.

That's just my style.

But I'd really feel blue

ifl didn't think

you were going to forgive me.

I don't think

you're an a**hole, Royal.

I just think you're kind

of a son of a b*tch.

Well, I really

appreciate that.

Could you let us

in your backyard, ma'am?

We've got a couple boys

back there.

I think you may

have broken an ankle.

Well, that's not terribly

serious, is it?

Do you have an alternate?

No.

Ready?

Are there priests on call?

Why don't you bring

the car around, Anwar.

At which point, I apparently

lost control of the vehicle

smashed it into the house,

and killed that poor dog.

You're Eli Cash.

Yes indeed, I am.

I love your work.

Oh, how sweet of you to say.

78-35, Code Six.

I think he's part mutt.

What kind of papers

do you have for him?

Spark Plug, sit, sit.

Good boy.

Put this on.

What's so funny, Dudley?

You look great.

Can you see out ofit?

Not really.

Uh-huh. Minor corneal damage.

Page me ifit spreads

to the other eye.

Who do I make it out to?

Alex? Okay.

But these aren't structure-

bearing elements, Dad.

It doesn't matter.

It's still best

to file another force majeure

and recoup the deductible.

You boys come up here with me.

But Buckley's

still under there.

I know, but there's nothing

we can do for him at the moment.

Come on.

I got you a new dog

for the boys.

I just bought him.

You did?

Sorry I let you down, Chas.

All of you.

I been trying

to make it up to you.

What's his name?

Spark Plug.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I've had a rough year, Dad.

I know you have, Chassie.

Hey.

See, now he has

more white feathers

on his neck.

I wonder

what happened to him?

I don't know.

Sometimes if a person

has a traumatic experience

their hair turns white.

Well, I'm sure

he'll get over it.

This was one

of my first hiding places.

How old do you think those are?

I'd say about ten years.

Come here.

Royal dug a hole for Buckley

behind the garden shed

and buried him

in a canvas duffel bag.

All right, boys.

Say a prayer.

Dear Heavenly Father...

I do.

Etheline and Henry were married

48 hours later

in judge's chambers.

Margot's new play was produced

at the Cavendish Theatre.

This is my adopted daughter,

Elaine Levinson.

It ran for just under two weeks

and received mixed reviews.

Yes, can the boy tell time?

Oh, my Lord, no.

No. No.

Raleigh and Dudley

went on a lecture tour

to 11 universities

in the promotion

of their new book.

Eli checked himself into

a rehabilitation hospital

in North Dakota.

Oh, hey, this is my sponsor,

Runs With Two Horses.

Wind's blowing up

a gale today.

This is the grip

that Rod Laver used.

Are you familiar with Laver?

Richie started a program

teaching competitive tennis

to eight-to-12 year olds

at the 375th Street Y.

Game. Change sides.

Royal had a hear tattack

at the age of 68.

Chas rode with him

in the ambulance

and was the only witness

to his father's death.

In his will, he stipulated

that his funeral

take place at dusk.

Among the few possessions

he left to his heirs

was a set

of Encyclopedia Britannica

in storage

at the Lindbergh Palace Hotel

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