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The Rum Diary
Volare
Oh, oh
Cantare
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Let's fly way up
to the clouds
Away from
the maddening crowds
We can sing in the glow
of a star that I know of
Where lovers enjoy
peace of mind
Let us leave the confusion
And all disillusion behind
Just like birds of a feather
Volare
Oh, oh
E cantare
Oh, oh, oh, oh
No wonder
Your love
has given me wings
(AIRPLANE SOARING OVER)
(GRUNTS)
(SIGHS)
(AIRPLANE APPROACHING)
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Who is it?
MAN:
Room service.Ls it eggs?
I don't know, sir.
I didn't order it.
You want some water with that?
No, no.
No, I don't.
Looks like you had a night.
They look perfect.
Get out.
to the attention
of a member of staff.
I had some difficulty
getting it to open.
It's the little key
on the door key, sir.
Right.
I was looking for some nuts.
I tend to avoid alcohol.
When I can.
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
I don't speak Spanish.
Cuatro cincuenta.
No change.
(MUTTERING)
(CROWD CLAMORING)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(FEEDBACK SCREECHES)
(SPEAKING SPANISH)
(SHOUTING IN SPANISH)
No, no, no, no,
you're not listening.
I said the Pirates,
not the Yankees.
It's going to be
Roberto's year,
I'm telling you.
Looking for Mr. Lotterman.
End of the room.
No, no, the Pirates.
You guys are going
to be all over.
It's Roberto Clemente, man.
And by the way, I
want to talk about...
LOTTERMAN:
Not now!He's having the Friday crisis.
You Kemp?
Yeah.
He was expecting you yesterday.
We had some weather.
Yeah, I heard.
Big snow in New York.
He's still on a call.
You want some coffee?
No, thanks.
What's all the fuss out front?
You came in the front?
We don't use that door.
Not when los jibaros pitch up.
What do they want?
I don't know.
Some f***ed idea
of a living wage.
They've been out there
on and off for months.
By the way, my name's Sala.
Bob Sala, staff photographer.
Pleased to meet you, Bob.
Yeah.
He's off.
You might want to try
another subservient knock.
Yeah.
Kemp.
Don't notice the wig.
LOTTERMAN:
Yeah. What?
If you're
who I think you are,
you better sit down.
You find it
I'd take them off,
but I have
a medical condition.
What do you mean, you're blind?
Conjunctivitis, sir.
The old red eye, huh?
(CHUCKLES)
You arrive at a very,
very trying time, Mr. Kemp.
One of those days stacking up.
So, uh, why don't we cut
through the niceties
and just get right to it, huh?
That's how I like to proceed.
Okay.
Your resume here.
(SPITS)
Very impressive CV.
Yeah.
You worked your way up
some interesting titles.
I really like
the "fluent Spanish."
Mmm.
Wow.
(CHUCKLING)
This CV... This CV is
a bunch of bullshit.
Ls it?
This is two days on the wire.
A day dead.
We don't have it.
Oh.
What is the matter with Moburg?
He's about as useful
as a dug-up body.
(CHUCKLES)
You see, the problem with
this newspaper, Mr. Kemp,
is that I am among many
We have an ailing circulation,
and I just have to
look around this building
to understand why.
Lack of commitment and
too much self-indulgence.
Mmm. Mmm.
So what I'm looking for
is some enthusiasm,
some energy,
some fresh blood.
And the question
that I'm asking myself
is how much alcohol
is usual in yours.
My fresh blood?
How much do you drink?
I suppose at
the upper end of "social."
I'm poised to give up.
Well, Puerto Rico may not be
the best place on Earth
to do that.
Mmm. Mmm.
Don't look so
anxious, Mr. Kemp.
I wouldn't have paid
for your hotel if
But this is not
the Last Chance Saloon,
and I do not need
another heavy drinker.
Which I perceive,
from the condition of
eyeballs behind glasses,
that you might
very well qualify as.
This is a medical
condition, Mr. Lotterman.
I know it might look
like something else,
but this is a...
Looks like a f***in' hangover.
Does it?
(WHISTLE BLOWING OUTSIDE)
(CLAMORING)
Come here.
That's the kind of
commitment I like
to see in a man.
Oh! Determination,
balanced with
appropriate humanity.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Which side do you dress, Kemp?
I beg your pardon?
Politics.
I kind of hang in the middle.
(LAUGHS)
This is a schizoid
society, Kemp.
They got two languages,
two flags, two loyalties,
two anthems.
We bring them stuff
they never had.
They either hate it or
they want more of it.
It's a reluctant part
of America.
It's like an England
with tropical fruit.
Bob.
Just the man I wanted to see.
This is Paul Kemp.
He's joining us
from New York.
Yeah, yeah, we already met.
Uh, that's...
That's Mr. Clive Donovan,
sports.
And this is
Mr. Hubert,
accounting.
Listen, do me a favor,
will you?
Show him around,
the dos and don'ts.
Introduce him
to some of the guys.
I'll take him up to Al's.
Oh, the hell you will.
You take him to the library.
You pull out some volumes.
I want him to get
a sense of the paper.
You know,
make some notes,
go back a few years,
paying particular attention
to bowling alleys.
There's bowling and
bowling alleys.
Very big here.
They're up
like mushrooms.
A new one premieres every week.
Been to
Puerto Rico before?
No.
Oh, you're going to
fall right into it.
There's a boom
on here, Kemp.
It's an open door.
You play it right,
you can surf the place.
Ah.
What do you know
about horoscopes?
Nothing.
Ah, well, if I can
write one, you can.
So it's every day with
a special "Star's Star"
featured Saturday
with Betty Grable
and Neil Sedaka,
things like that.
So here,
everything you need
is right there.
It's called
"Madam La Zonga Predicts."
What happened to
Madam La Zonga?
He got canceled.
What do you mean, fired?
They raped him to death.
They raped him to death?
There are
very few places
on this island
I decline to visit,
but the toilets
frequented by sailors
on the west side
of Candado Pier is one.
They raped him to death?
La Zonga died in a cubicle.
Say, you're not,
uh, artistic,
are you, Kemp?
Oh, no.
You might want to
rethink those
menthol cigarettes.
They don't do a thing for you.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Come by the house.
I will.
I like your stuff.
The cuttings you sent
to Lotterman.
Oh.
It's good writing.
Thanks.
We'll talk.
SALA:
One more floor!
(BUZZER SOUNDING)
They put in automated
packing machines
about six months ago.
They mechanized
almost everything.
There used to be
Now there's five.
Hence happiness in the street.
Souvenir, day one.
SALA:
Here's to pretty women
with filthy thoughts.
(CHUCKLING)
Want a burger?
No.
Burger?
No, thanks.
Try it. Dos.
So how was the induction?
Somewhat fraught.
No disrespect, Paul,
but he didn't have
a lot of choice.
You know how many people
applied for the job?
One. You.
Ls that right?
Even then,
Zeroed in on my weakest spot.
WOLSLEY:
Which is what?
Two and a half
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"The Rum Diary" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 7 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_rum_diary_17229>.
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