The Rum Diary Page #2

unpublished novels

and references

of equal fiction.

Oh, you're a novelist.

Mmm, in a manner of speaking.

Can't even get read.

So I figured I'd do

some words for money,

see how it's looking

in a year or two.

SALA:

At El Star?

Hate to tell you this

on the way in,

but this publication's

on its way out.

And as far as I'm concerned,

it can't come soon enough.

Not going to happen.

SALA:
You like

a little vonga on that?

I'll give you 1 3 to 2

this thing's over by June.

They're going to cut the cord.

Then why put in

all the new machinery?

Precisely my point,

and he can't answer it.

Well, like I'm tired

of arguing the obvious.

Come on.

Let's eat.

Now, I got to go

and see a man

about a horse.

Good to meet you, Paul.

(SIGHS)

Another night unfolds

over Old San Juan.

You been here long?

Too long.

This place is like

someone you f***ed

and they're still under you.

Why don't you quit?

Life's full of exits.

Because I'm waiting

for it to collapse

so I get the payoff.

Three grand redundancy

puts me in Mexico.

Don't look left.

That's an introduction

you don't want to have.

Who's he?

Living example

of everything that's

wrong with this paper.

His name's Moburg.

Our Crime and

Religious Affairs

correspondent.

Lotterman can't fire him

because he never sees him.

He's rarely out in daylight.

Looks like he enjoys a drink.

The entire substructure

of his brain

is eaten away with rum.

I'm telling you,

this enterprise is doomed.

There's maybe three or four

professionals in the building

running the entire show.

Wait a minute.

Who is Hal Sanderson?

In the library.

Who's he?

He used to work for the paper.

Now he's what

he says he is.

A PR consultant.

Selling this place

street by street

to the Yankees.

Keeps a greasy little

bastard of a contact

called Segurra.

Mmm.

I saw him.

We didn't meet.

Wouldn't bother.

Piss on the make.

The boy, Segurra,

is at the property

wickedness.

I'm not sure

where Sanderson fits.

But Sanderson's

worth cultivation.

He's got some good connections.

He's good for some freelance.

This place is depressing me

beyond belief tonight.

You're at Plage Xanadu, right?

Mmm.

Come on.

I'll give you a ride.

(TIRES SCREECH)

I was thinking,

if you need somewhere,

I got a room for rent.

Not the best address

in town, but it's got

a fridge and TV.

Sounds inviting.

I might remention that.

Meanwhile, bleed it dry.

Uh, sir...

I was hoping for a swim.

The pool is closed tonight.

Really? Why?

What's going on?

It's a Union Carbide party.

It's a private function.

(MUSIC PLAYING IN DISTANCE)

(SIGHS)

Sorry.

I didn't realize

anyone was there.

I thought it was just floating.

Lt is just floating.

You doing what I'm doing?

I don't think so.

What are you doing?

Escaping the dreadful party.

I just snuck out and unzipped.

Well, that's very

courageous of you.

I thought maybe

you were a mermaid.

They tell me the coast

is infested with them.

I'm from Connecticut.

My boyfriend's making a speech.

Takes exactly 21 minutes.

Well, then I guess

it's pointless,

me inviting you for a drink.

What you got?

No, I mean at the bar.

Pointless.

I'd better go before

they wonder where I went.

Wait a minute.

What's your name?

Let's keep that a secret.

I don't even know it.

Well, then you'll

keep it even better.

What about your star sign?

I'm an experienced astronomer.

Could try Pisces.

The fish.

Oh, God.

Why did she have to happen?

Just when I was doing

so good without her.

KEMP:
What would you say you

like most about Puerto Rico?

The bowling alleys

and the casinos.

Course, she likes

the duty free.

Well, the more you spend,

the more you save.

KEMP:
Have you seen

a lot of the island?

We don't leave the hotel.

Lt isn't safe.

KEMP:
But

you're having fun?

Oh, yeah!

A lotta, lotta fun!

KEMP:
Have some fun

with a f***ing Luger.

These alleys are magnets

to the glutton.

They come off the boats

like locusts.

Beasts of obesity.

Asses that wouldn't

feel an arrow.

The great whites.

Probably the most dangerous

creatures on Earth.

SALA:

There's your baby.

Walt and his woman.

Bowling alleys

isn't exactly

what I had in mind.

Tread it till the snow melts,

then join the exodus.

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

Red light!

LOTTERMAN:

Looking for Kemp.

Too many adjectives,

too much cynicism.

Nobody wants what's

wrong with the place,

they want to read about

what's right.

It's a rewrite.

Yeah, I'm aware of that.

And while you're at it,

you might want to rewrite

the title and call it

"Ten Things That I Love

About Puerto Rico."

So,

how's the sobriety

coming along?

I'm cutting down.

Oh. By that,

I assume you mean

the size of the bottles.

How does anybody

drink 1 61 miniatures?

You're averaging

What, do they

stock the place

four times a day?

Are they not complimentary?

No, Mr. Kemp,

they are not.

And neither is wine

and long-distance

phone calls.

So, as of Monday,

you are no longer

a resident of the Xanadu.

And what exactly

brings you

into the building?

Don't hazel me.

I got the X-rays back.

I got less than

a week to live.

LOTTERMAN:
Hazel you?

What are you talking about,

you Swedish twerp?

You know,

it may have crossed

what's left of your mind

that I have

a newspaper

to run here,

that we have

something called news

going on out there.

But as far as you're concerned,

I might as well look out

of the f***in' window!

What are you doing here?

This is a newspaper.

There's nothing here for you.

Two of the best scoops

you ever had

came out of my brain.

And you better

moderate your language

or I'll go elsewhere.

Elsewhere where?

You couldn't get work

as a fly repellent.

You're worthless, Moburg.

The last onion in the jar.

Don't push me, Lotterman.

I'm dangerous when pushed.

Oh, I know why you're here.

It's payday. (LAUGHS)

But in your case,

deferred on a permanent basis.

You're fired!

You can't fire me.

You owe me money.

And you better pay it,

or I'll come through the roof

and turn this place

into an insurance claim.

LOTTERMAN:

Are you threatening me?

Hey, guys, let's take it easy.

You want to suffer some voodoo?

You twerp!

Eat the death pill, Lotterman!

Come on, we're walking.

Did you hear

what he said to me?

This guy's my blood pressure.

This guy's going to kill me.

And I want the negative

of that picture destroyed!

I don't want that animal

in this building again.

He is hygienically

unacceptable.

Did you see the side

of his nose?

Blackheads like Braille.

They should have him put down.

(PANilNG)

Moburg is history.

He's out of here

at the earliest

opportunity.

And the earliest opportunity

is you.

You understand

what I'm saying, Kemp?

I think I get the drift.

I want you to

immerse yourself

into this paper,

'cause you got

the talent and I think

you got the will.

You make it grow

and you grow

right along with it.

I'm not best placed to do that.

You think

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