The Russians Are Coming, the Russians Are Coming: The Russians Are Coming to Hollywood

---

- Comrade Lieutenant!

- What's up this time?

There's danger. See?

Comrade Captain! What are you doing?

Show me where we are.

GLOUCESTER:

- Here.

- What?

What?

- Comrade Captain!

- Please keep calm.

Permission to speak.

Check our location.

Comrade Lieutenant Rozanov,

l don't need your advice.

This is dangerous. This is an old map.

We are not familiar with these waters.

Comrade Captain! 28 metres.

- Comrade Captain!

- Shut up, Rozanov. You're a fool.

- 28!

- Leave the bridge or l'll put you under arrest!

- lt's 23.

- Why are you not listening?

Rozanov, it's an order.

16 metres.

We're rising. Stop the engines.

How dare you?

- 11.

- What? 11?

- Stop the engines!

- Stop.

Seven... Six... Five.

Oh...

To hell with it.

To hell with it.

What a shame!

What a shame!

To hell with it.

America.

The United States of America.

Let's go.

They don't care.

People just don't care.

104, 105...

..106, 107,

108, 109,

110, 111,

112, 113,

114, 115...

Go back to bed

and l'll keep the kids quiet.

l never can get back to sleep.

ls there any coffee?

Not finished yet.

Have some orange juice.

This house is damp.

Doesn't it botheryou?

Any house by the sea

is bound to be damp.

No, this house is special.

lt'll always be that damn summer

place on Gloucester lsland.

Two months here, it'll take two

years for my bones to dry out.

Listen to my back. Here.

There, did you hearthat?

l don't hear anything.

There. Huh? Huh.

Tomorrow we'll be going home.

You'll be nice and dry.

Your back won't make a sound.

And we'll never go anywhere again.

Ever.

We'll go.

Dad, Ma, Dad, hey,

there's some men outside.

- There are what?

- There are men outside.

There are? What are they doing, Pete?

l don't know. They're creeping.

-Are they? Now, listen...

- l think they're creeping up on this house.

- But, Dad!

- Pete, Annie's asleep upstairs.

- They've got guns. l saw their guns.

- Maybe it's an ambush.

Go outside and play some more tennis.

OK. l warned you.

l know.

- Bacon and eggs all right?

- No. l'll get dressed first.

lt's too damp to eat.

Honey, l have to work today.

l really do. What's the plan?

- Do l have to pack?

-You don't have to do a thing.

Alison's coming.

We'll spend the day packing.

l'll keep the kids busy and you can work.

You know Larry's gonna scream.

lf l don't work out that second act...

l said l already had it. l don't even have an idea.

Walter. Now, you will, you know you will.

You know how producers are.

They'll say it's a masterpiece.

And it probably will be.

You get dressed, eat a good

breakfast and just do it.

All right?

Yeah.

Shh. They're hiding

out by the garage now.

And there's this one great

big one, like Uncle Harry.

Like Uncle Harry, huh?

- OK, you keep an eye on them.

- OK.

l'll never get any work done today.

People running around the house...

There are no keys.

Ha! Coca-Cola.

Look. American grain.

- Fool.

- Keep quiet!

- l've found a map.

- Give it to me.

We're somewhere around here.

-We have to get to that place. Glou...

- Glou-shester.

Glou-ches... Glou-chester.

Glock-ester...Glock-ester.

- Glou-kester Harbour.

- Glou-kester Harbour.

We need a car. We have to talk to them.

- Kolchin.

- Da, da?

Speak to me in English.

- Hello, good morning...

- Da, da.

- OK.

- Mm-hm.

- How are you?

-Very good.

-We'll go together. Now, listen.

- Da, da.

We shouldn't scare them.

They mustn't know that we are Russian.

Annie was awake till almost ten. l'll let her sleep.

Toast is burning.

This darn thing! How l ever let

that agent talk me into...

Walt!

Oh.

l counted them. There are nine of them.

- Come on, Pete.

- Two have guns.

And they're all talking

some foreign language.

They could be Russians or something.

- Eat your breakfast.

-You don't believe me.

- Pete, just eat, huh?

- OK.

- Someone... Someone at the door.

-You always know everything.

- What do you mean, Pete?

- lt's probably Alison.

- l'll get it.

Alison, this early in the morning? l'll get it.

Ah, good morning, sir.

- A pleasant good morning to you, sir.

- Good morning.

Please permit me to apologise

forthis unusual disturbance,

but we're hoping for some

conversations, please.

Ah, lady and young boy.

Good morning also, my dear lady.

Good morning, young boy.

We are strangers in this island, sir,

and we wish to speak about bots.

Bots?

- Boats! About boats?

-Yes!

That is most exactly correct. Boats.

Well, l don't understand.

l mean, who are you?

l didn't hear a car. How...

Please not to be afraid. We are nobody.

We wish only to inquire where to find powerboat

for private use for some little

time, you understand, sir?

Sorry, but l still don't understand.

There are no boats around here.

- No boats?

- No.

An island with no boats?

Well, yeah. Well, there are boats,

some boats, but not around here.

ln town. l mean, in the harbour in town.

But there are none around here.

- Big boats. Motor, powerboats.

- All different kinds.

Ask them if they're Russian.

Nice little boy there.

Which way to harbour, please?

Well, it's... it's, er...

Well, it's...five miles down the road.

- Ask them if they're Russians.

- Quiet!

Very clever little boy,

clever to see that we are foreigners,

but not Russians, naturally.

What would the Russians be doing

on United States of America island?

With so many animosities and hatreds

between these two countries,

it is too funny an idea, is it not?

No, we... we are, of course, Norwe-gans.

Norwegians?

On a small training exercise forthe NlATO...

- NATO.

- NATO countries. Of course, yes.

To reach place of power motorboat,

it is necessary to make borrowings

of automobile for short time only, sir.

- May l ask you something, please?

- Of course.

Are there nine of you out there?

Are you Russians with machine guns

and does one of you look like

Uncle... l mean, like a wrestler?

Er, l'm sorry to comply with your statement,

but misfortunately,

all of the answers to these questions are yes.

He's got a gun!

Please to step inside the house, please.

Er, no. Wait. Just wait a minute.

-You can't come in here.

-Yes, we can.

Lady, please, not to worry,

for no harm is coming.

Don't be frightened.

There's gotta be some explanation.

- Sorry l didn't believe you, son.

- Keeping calm, please.

l repeat, no harm is coming. Please being sitted.

Take it easy, now. Pete, boy, don't be scared.

- l'm not scared.

- Good. Good boy.

Now, to answer some few questions

very quickly, please,

so that there is no necessity howsoever...

-Whatsoever.

-Whatsoever! Whatsoever!

So there is no necessity howsoever

why everybody in such a nice American family

should get shot to little pieces.

You understand? Yes. Good.

Now, what else people are in this house?

-Wha...?

- Oh, there's only our little girl.

She's asleep upstairs.

But she's only a little baby.

So first is necessary to make

borrowings of automobile.

Where are keys?

ln my purse.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes