The Santa Clause 2

- I'm gettin' somethin' on the sonar!|- What is it?

Strong reading from|underneath the cap rock, sir!

- Possible oil flow?|- Still analysing.

It's, uh...

Sounds like, uh...

Tiny hammers.

Let's go skating!

- They're coming right at us!|- Take us to Elfcon three!

Take us to Elfcon three.

These guys aren't stopping.

- Take us to Elfcon two!|- Let's go to Elfcon two.

We have a partridge|in a pear tree.

You take us to Elfcon one.|Let's rig for silent running.

- Look alive, everybody!|- OK, we're at Elfcon one.

- I lost it!|- What do you mean, you lost it?

Wait!

What the...?

Uh...

Sir, you're gonna|want to hear this.

Find out where|that music's coming from.

Santa, I've got her|on the locator.

- What now?|- It's just gone.

In the middle of the chorus!

Nobody needs to|know about this.

Maybe we should mention the|Smokey Robinson thing, sir.

We're at Elfcon four.|All clear.

Curtis, what do you say we get|you headphones this Christmas?

It's all right, everybody.|Let's get back to work.

Curtis, you're 900 years old.|Grow up!

Bernard.

You know I didn't break|any of the rules -

according to The Santa Handbook.

The handbook! Curtis, do you|go pee-pee with that thing?

It says elves are encouraged|to listen to music.

It makes them more creative,|more productive and more alert.

Look out!

Aagghh!

- It's OK.|- Let's go!

Is he all right?

Wow! That's gonna leave a mark.

Oof!

Is that Blitzen?|Looks like Prancer.

- Who is that?|- It was Chet.

- A reindeer in training.|- Oh.

Hmph!

Well, please tell me|that it's early in his training.

Wow! Nice fall.

Curtis, when are you|gonna tell him?

Not now!

It's so cold up here.|How can you not be freezing?

You have not seen cold till you|see where my dad lives. It's...

Don't be embarrassed.|My parents are divorced.

- No big deal.|- I'm not embarrassed.

- Why don't you talk about your dad?|- He doesn't like me to.

- It's complicated.|- Is he a spy?

No, he...

He works with toys and these...

Iittle people. Kids.

Can we just do|what we came here to do?

Sure.

All right.

Charlie, this is|really dangerous.

Someone could catch us|at any moment.

Kinda exciting.

Well, you know, Danielle, I may|not come out of this alive.

So, in case we don't|see each other again...

Aagghh!

Are you OK?

Oof!

- Almost done.|- OK. I'm not leaving.

Hello, Charlie.

Hello, Principal Newman.

OK, try it now.

OK, all right.|Here's what we need.

Get one more bolt on that flange|and it's ready for Christmas.

Good work, guys. Whew!

Perfect job on suspension,|you guys.

Thinkin' outside the box.|I love it.

- Do you want a cookie, Santa?|- Do I want a cookie?

Yes! What's fresh?

Oooh!

Sweet, just like you.

Alexander, let's think.

Take the hat off.

Too much counterweight.

Thanks, Santa. You're the man.

That's why they give me the big|belly, so I don't fall over!

Hey, Joey! How's that|static-free-tinsel coming?

Hey, guys, Santa wants to|see the new tinsel.

I could come up there and take|care of this the ugly way.

Or... we go outside|and play some football.

Curtis, you need to|tell him right now!

I don't know.|He's so happy right now.

And why do I have to be|the one to tell him?!

Because I'm the head elf.|I don't give bad news.

It's one of the perks|of my seniority.

Now, tell him!

Come on, pork chop. Bring it on.

Who you callin' pork chop,|meatloaf?

Meatloaf?!

You wanna talk some trash?|I'll talk trash with ya.

- But first, I'm gonna blitz.|- Ready, set!

- I'm comin' after you, buddy.|- Seven swans a-swimming!

Six geese a-laying!

Five golden rings!

Hike!

Hey, who's got the ball?|I can see it. Let go of me.

He's too quick! He spins!|He moves! He's on the way!

And he might go all the...

way!

Rumblin', stumblin', bumblin'!

Oh, they pile on!

OK, you win!

You guys aren't elves.|You're wizards!

No matter how many times you run|that play I never see it comin'.

Santa? We need to talk.

- That's weird, isn't it?|- Uh-oh!

- These fit yesterday.|- Hot cocoa for you.

This is not a good time, Abby.

I sent Dasher down|for some Brazilian cocoa beans.

- What's the bad news?|- What do you mean?

Whenever you play the designer|bean card, you have bad news.

What are you doing with|the naughty-and-nice list?

Don't shoot the messenger.

- It's... Charlie.|- Sheen?

- I thought he straightened out.|- Not that Charlie.

My Charlie. My son Charlie?|He's on the naughty list?

- There's gotta be a mistake.|- We don't make mistakes.

I'm sorry, Santa.|Please excuse me.

How could this happen? Is this|what you were trying to tell me?

Great! You told him! Let's get|you dressed for that meeting.

I can't have the meeting here.|I'm gonna have to see Charlie.

- Number two, tell him now.|- Tell me what, guys? Come clean.

- Santa, there's a clause.|- That would be me.

No, I mean there's another|Santa clause.

Curtis, in case you haven't|noticed - this time of year,

the malls are filled with|other "Santa Clauses".

Yes, but there's another|Santa clause.

There was a first clause,|but also a second clause.

Get on with it!

When the last Santa fell off your roof|and you put on his coat, you found this.

Right. "He who wears the coat

takes on the responsibilities|of Santa Claus."

And the rest|would be history, right?

But it seems our number two elf,|the keeper of the handbook,

overlooked the single|most important detail

in the history of Christmas!

Wow! One mistake in 900 years.

Look.

- I can't see that.|- Better now?

- Or now?|- Well...

- Better now?|- It's gettin' there.

- Or now?|- I can't see anything.

I see. Good, good, good.|I see it. OK.

"The card holder acknowledges|a woman of his choosing..."

"True love... Not valid|in the state of Utah..."

"Holy...

matrimony?!"

- I gotta get married!|- Yes.

It's... the Mrs clause.

What if I don't want|to get married?

Oh, dear. The de-Santification|process has begun!

The de-Santification?

Are you telling me that clause|says if I don't get married...

I don't get to be|Santa any more?

Wh-... what about the kids?

What about the elves?

- What about you guys?|- It's not completely hopeless.

You still have time|to find a wife.

- How much time do I have?|- 28 days.

28 days? So I've gotta...|find a wife by Christmas.

Actually, Christmas Eve.

- I guess it's over.|- No! You can't think that way!

Please, don't give up hope.

Cos if you do, then we have to.

- Whoa!

Christmas is getting|very complicated.

Santa?

Santa?

- Are you with us?|- I'm sorry, yes. Yes, I am.

Well, on behalf of Father Time and|the Council of Legendary Figures,

I'd like to thank you for being|such a gracious host.

- Hear, hear.|- What a lovely place.

Without further ado, let us|convene the year-end conference.

- Tooth Fairy.|- Thank you, Mother Nature.

Fellow Council members,

I'd like to again propose|a new name for myself.

- Oh, please!|- Good heavens!

In the past, you have rejected|Tooth Man, Tooth Guy and Tooth.

- Because they stunk.|- Today, I'd like to submit...

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