The Santa Clause 2 Page #2

- Captain Floss.|- Nice!

- Plaque Man.

- And Roy.|- Roy! No.

No kid's gonna put a tooth under|a pillow for a man named Roy.

This from someone in a diaper|who shoots people's butts!

Wait a minute. I got it.|I got it. I got it.

Now, how about this?|The Molarnator.

The Molarnator! I like it.

Thank you, Santa. Can we|vote now on the Molarnator?

All in favour of a name change|for Tooth Fairy?

All right. And all opposed?

Easter Bunny?

- Sandman?|- Wha-...?

What happened?|Was I asleep again?

Name change for the Tooth Fairy.|Yes or no?

No. I'm sorry.

All right. Next item on the|agenda. Santa? Status report.

OK. First, welcome to the North|Pole. Great to have you here.

This is our big time of year,|so things are busy as usual.

There's a little speed bump|in the road this year.

- You all know Charlie.|- I love Charlie!

- Great kid.|- Good boy.

- Sweet kid.|- Good teeth.

Well, Charlie...|got himself on the naughty list.

- What?!|- Oh, my!

I'm struggling with the timing,|cos it's...

I gotta be up here and I've also|got to take care of Charlie...

That's every parent's dilemma:

how to balance|work and children.

Most people lose sleep over that.

Tell me about it! I have 33,000|offspring. All in private school.

Well, to top it off... I have to get|married by Christmas Eve.

- What?!|- Otherwise I stop being Santa.

- What?!|- No!

The de-Santification process|has already begun.

Wait a minute.

You do look thinner, and...

- Your beard is shorter! Right?|- You're right!

Apparently,|it's called the Mrs clause.

Don't mess with me, Santa.|I'm pre-El Nino.

No, I'm not messing with|anybody. What I'm saying is...

I have to find a wife in...

27 days, 20 hours|and 1 7 minutes.

- Wow!|- It's what I do.

Wait a minute. Cupid!|Cupid, come over here.

- What do you need?|- Shoot me with a dart.

- Then I'll fall in love.|- First of all, they're arrows.

Second of all, no can do.

- Why not?|- Arrows have no effect on us.

If they did, I would have shot|myself, met a nice girl,

Ieft the business years ago.

- Enough with the questions.|- You can't stop being Santa.

I don't want to.

Kids are 86 per cent happier|since you've taken the job.

- He's right.|- This is all I want to do.

But what am I gonna do?

Well, you...

You can't be two places at once.

Maybe you can be.

OK, everyone, can I get the|room for a minute? Thank you.

Can I just...? One minute.|Take a cocoa break.

Have a nice long break.|Relax, everyone.

I want to show Santa some improvements|on the pantograph. Thanks.

Walk with me. I've tripled the RAM|and reconfigured the circuitry.

I see you've externalised|the power source

to make better use of|the electromagnetic energy.

No, it's just there|cos it looks really cool.

Yeah, it does.

Wait a minute.|You tripled the RAM.

I see where this is going. I am|not getting in that machine.

Besides, creating a copy of|Santa won't solve our problems.

- The elves'll know.|- But this would be a special toy!

- How's that, Curtis?|- I added a fuzzy logic circuit.

The duplicate will look|and think just like you.

When you're with your family, dealing|with Charlie, looking for a wife...

The toy will be up here melting|in front of my fireplace.

No, the toy Santa will be|dealing with business up here.

I can deal with|business up here.

Santa, if the elves find out|we've made a switch... Aaggh!

No! No!|This machine is not the answer.

Hey! Hey! Hey!|You! You! Shoo!

Hold on. Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Look, you can't get|much better than that.

And I promise -|it won't hurt a bit.

- I'm goin' in.|- I can't watch this!

Ow! Ow!

It's perfect!

That's because it's me,|Einstein.

- Santa, are you all right?|- Yeah, I got a shock in there.

Is there supposed to be a shock?

Aagghh!

It's naked!

Throw something over it.

- It's incredible!|- Yes, it is.

Can he talk?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

Ho, ho, ho!

Ho, ho... ho!

- Not bad.|- Not bad yourself.

I can't put my finger on it,

but there's something|about you that I like.

There's something|about you that I like!

- Watch him. I'll be right back.|- He's coming right back.

Ha-ha-ha!

- Bernard, I need your help.|- What do you mean?

What I mean is|I gotta go see Charlie

and I want you to|convince the elves...

that... toy Santa is me.

- Hm. Have you seen that thing?|- I've seen it.

Keep the elves|at a distance and say

that I've changed my look,|it'll work.

Santa, we're in|way over our heads here.

If anybody can do this,|it's you, number one.

I... I'm not gonna lie to all the elves.

I myself think he looks|absolutely terrific!

Better and fresher somehow|than he has in years.

There's now a more supple|veneer to his skin

and an added lustre|to the thickness of his hair.

You could almost say|there's a...

a toy-like quality to him.

Most importantly, he's very|happy with his new look,

and I would caution you all|not to point or stare

or use the word "plastic".

OK? OK.

Thank you. That's all.|Back to work, please.

Comet, because I don't|want to take Prancer.

I want to take a trip with you.|When's the last time we had a cruise?

I love you, buddy.

Besides, Prancer had too many|apples. We know what that means.

Before you go,|take a look at your watch.

Hey! Can't go anywhere|without that.

- I've done some work on it.|- It's beautiful. It really is.

- You like it?|- The workmanship's fabulous.

It has a power reserve that measures|how much magic you have left.

- It's at ten.|- That should be enough.

But if you use up any magic|for any reason the level drops.

Santa, if it gets to zero - you won't|be able to return to the Pole.

Uh-oh.

Then let's not let it get to zero!

- Now, look at me.|- Mm-hm?

What's the most important thing?

For you not to touch Santa?

For you to come back!

Thank you.

Comet, please just|chill out a little bit, OK?

Come on! It's not like we're|pullin' the sleigh. Right?

There's no packages.|It's one stop.

And I think I might have forgot|we're gonna go see Charlie.

Scott! Hey!|You trimmed your beard.

Yeah.

Come here, big guy.

Whoa! Lost some|weight there, huh?

- Slim-Fast?|- You don't know how fast.

- We should get going.|- Oh, OK.

How do you always know|when there's a problem?

I see you when you're sleepin'.|I know when you're awake.

Which is a pretty frightening|concept when you think about it.

We're really worried|about Charlie.

He keeps upping the ante. This|time he defaced school property.

- It's classic acting out.|- I'm blaming myself for this.

- We're both his parents.|- Where is he?

He's waiting for us|in Principal Newman's office.

Something about her makes me|want to deface public property.

Hello, Mr Calvin. Laura, Neil.

- Miss Newman.|- Principal Newman.

Haven't seen you since the last|time Charlie was in trouble.

I've been travelling for work.

If you spent more time with your|son there'd be fewer problems.

Then I wouldn't spend|so much time with you,

which is always|such a pleasure.

A battle of wits. It's a shame|you come unarmed. Excuse me.

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