The Shape of Things Page #2

of course.

And do I appear to like you? Huh? Yeah.

I mean, it seems like

it, yes. I do like you.

Do I seem to know my

own mind? No question.

So dont you trust me, then, to know

how I feel? Yeah... No, you're right...

I mean,

don't worry about "why..."

when... "what"

is right in front of you.

Those are very wise words...

from someone

with such a great ass.

Kiss me...

Grasshopper.

Ah-ah-ah!

PDA.

I don't think anybody wants

to watch you kiss, Adam.

Hi, guys.

Hey, Phil.

Hello.

Hi.

Hey!

Evelyn,

this is Philip.

Hello.

Hi.

And his fiance, Jenny.

Hi.

Hey.

So, should we

grab our tickets?

Adam,

what's up with you?

Did you

lose weight?

Um... a little,

maybe.

No, it's...

He cut his hair or something.

That's it, right?

Right.

Yeah, well, uh, both,

sort of.

Huh.

Okay, so, let's, uh...

Come on.

Oh.

So tell me this again. You

guys are gonna... Underwater.

We're gonna get married

underwater.

You gotta be kidding me. Like in those

Life magazine photos you see, or whatever.

Is that, like,

a... California thing?

No. We wanted

to try something bold.

That oughta do it.

That is crazy. Really.

So if we want to attend,

we have to...

Get in the tank with us.

You bet.

- No. Honey, I thought we said the guests...

- Uh, we haven't...

We haven't settled

that part completely.

That is nuts. No, I applaud

you. I think it is very bold.

Yeah, well, don't expect my buddy

here to follow in our footsteps.

He's the least adventurous

person I know. Really?

Absolutely.

Oh, and the marriage thing?

Uh-uh.

It's not gonna happen. Sorry.

I don't know how many nights

I listened to this guy say,

"Not me, man. I'm never

gettin' hooked. No way, man."

Well, well!

Listen, don't encourage him.

My roomie doesn't need

any more encouragement.

Former roommate.

You're gonna look stupid

in one of those wet suits.

Hey, let's not be

a party pooper, my friend.

This could have

been yours.

Oh, Phil, stop being...

Adam and I had a class together, and

he never got up the nerve to ask me out.

I'm borrowing his pen, like,

all the time... hint, hint...

and he's this total monk

the whole semester.

Anyway, Phil picks him up

from class one day, sees me,

and we went to mini golf

that same night.

I cannot tell a lie. I

got the moves, God help me.

Whoo!

God help all of us.

Well, like I said,

I think it's great.

It's really amazing... it is...

to find anybody willing

to take a risk these days,

to look a little silly

or different or anything.

Bravo.

To people with balls.

To balls.

Long may they wave.

I'll tell you

what took some balls.

That museum thing a few

weeks back, with the balls.

Did you guys

read about that?

Oh, Adam, of course you did. You

were supposed to be guarding it.

But, uh... Evelyn, did you hear about it?

- The penis.

- Yes, I did.

Why are we whispering?

Because you don't say "penis"

in Jennys house.

But we're at my place now,

so we sing it from the eaves.

Bar's closed.

Last call.

Nice.

Seriously, though,

can you believe that sh*t?

Somebody with the gall to pull that kind of

bullshit on our campus? F***in' burns me up.

Shh.

I'm an artist, so...

Maybe we should... I don't really

have the same reaction as...

I mean, this isn't Berkeley. What does

that mean anyway... "I'm an artist"?

Mmm, nothing.

It means nothing really.

Just that

I understand the impulse.

You what? Um, Evelyn,

we should probably...

No, no. Wait, Adam.

I wanna hear.

What impulse?

It's called vandalism.

Uh, does anybody want dessert? Hold on.

This is rich. Go ahead.

Just that, um, I don't think

it was just kids playing.

I think it was

a sort of statement, a kind of...

- Statement?

- Yeah, I do.

What kind of statement would

that be? It was pornography.

- Oh, no, it wasn't.

- Yes, it was.

No. Pornography is meant

to titillate, to excite you.

Did you see a picture ofiwhat happened?

- We did, yeah.

And does a penis excite you?

I mean, just any old penis?

Uh, you're funny,

and that's not the point.

It's totally the point!

How about you, Jenn? Did you like

what you saw? Did it get you hot?

This is, like,

uncalled-for, okay?

- All she said was... - I know what she said.

Why don't you let her speak?

Did you wanna say

anything else? Huh?

Okay.

Then, look, all I'm... I'm

saying is that, in my opinion,

it wasn't pornography,

it was a statement.

Wow.

The postgraduate mind at work.

You know, I still dont see

how that makes it a statement.

- What do you mean?

- It's graffiti.

It would be a huge statement,

especially for a town like this.

Which "Take Back the Night" rally

did you find her at, Adam?

You're really the obnoxious

type. You know that?

I mean, how long did you have

to stomach this guy? Evelyn...

Anyhow, who knows what the

person was saying by it. We don't.

But I think it was a gesture,

a kind of manifesto, if you will...

W-W-Wait. I don't think a person's

dick can be a manifesto. Uh-uh.

You can write a manifesto

on your thing,

but your thing can't be one.

I'm sure I read that somewhere. See,

you're just trying to be really...

Hey, I'm not trying to be anything.

Who the hell do you think you are?

A few double dates, and telling

me anything about who I am.

- Un-f***ing-believable!

- Okay, this is getting a little...

Adam, you can really pick 'em.

Let's just forget the whole...

You are not gonna take his

side in this, are you? No.

Jesus! I'm just trying to get out

of here with a touch of dignity.

I've got a test tomorrow

anyway. "Statement."

Just shut the f*** up!

F*** right off.

How would you know?

I think she was making one.

So, that's my opinion.

Jenny,

thanks for everything.

Yeah, how'd you know

it was a girl?

I don't.

I just said.

It's a guess... what it

was, where it was placed.

An educated guess.

Oh, you're not...

She's not trying to take a poke

at my being an undergrad, is she?

Okay, can we just stop this now,

please? Adam, tell me she didn't just...

Hey, artiste, how did you know it

was a woman who painted the cock?

Very, very suspicious there.

You're such a prick.

Man, how do you go on

day after day?

Let's go.

Adam,

are you coming?

Yeah.

I'll meet you out front?

I just wanna... Okay.

You're very sweet.

Good luck.

"Good luck"?

Hey, f*** you!

Oh, come on, m-man!

Where in hell did you meet

that b*tch? At the museum.

What, did she give you a haircut

and a blow job, now youre her puppy?

Phil!

I'm not her puppy!

The wedding sounds great.

Really, it sounds... Yeah.

You don't

have to leave.

Were you...

always like this before?

So...

you know.

Shy?

Mm-hmm.

Just about the fact that no one

would ever sleep with me. That's all.

Come on!

No, seriously.

I mean, you're, like,

I don't know,

only the third person

I've ever...

Really?

Yeah.

I mean it.

And they were

both young.

I mean,

I was too.

I wasn't, like, hanging out

by a day care or anything.

It was during

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