The Singing Detective
That the guy
That's the guy.
Does he get
to screw her first?
Sure. She can be coming
and going at the same time.
What's your poison?
Saucer of milk.
This looks like a cathouse.
Think of it as a kennel.
Consider it thunk.
So...
How much is that doggie
in the window?
Which one?
Lot of mongrels, this place.
The one with the waggedy tail.
l do hope that doggie's
for sale.
Dee dum!
lt's a crummy tune, mister.
But otherwise...
Otherwise?
What'd you say?
Okay, so you want to be a dog.
No, no, l just want to sh*t
on the sidewalk.
How much is that doggie
in the window?
The one with the waggley tail.
Hey. l like Patti Page.
But does she like you?
We're in business.
Come on, l got you,
-l got you.
-What are you, new?
Yeah, l been dealing
with you for three months.
Close the blinds.
All right, l'll get
the blinds in a minute
if you'll give me a second.
Close the f***ing blinds!
That f***.
Do you know who l am?
l'm the Singing Detective.
Quote, come on, exclamation mark
come on, comma, b*tch,
exclamation mark,
unquote, he panted...
Come on!
Come on, b*tch!
Oh, yeah, yeah!
Come on.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
He panted...
as he drove his...
throbbing... into her...
What the f*** you
trying to do?
Tear me open, what?
ls the water?
What is that?
What is that?
Let go! No!
l don't want
a parrot that talks
l don't want a bowl
of little fishies
He can't take a goldfish
for a walk
How much is that doggie
in the window?
The one with the waggley tail?
How much is that doggie
in the window?
l do hope that doggie's for sale
No...
That's wrong. That's my...
She's my...
Woman love, hey, hey, hey
Hey, woman love,
hey, hey, hey
Hey, woman love,
hey, hey, hey
Hey, woman love,
hey, hey, hey
Hey, woman love,
hey, hey, hey
Well, l went to my doctor
not so long ago
A-walkin' in a circle
and moanin' low
He looked at me and said,
''Good Lord above, son
You need a vaccination
of a-woman love''
You are... Mr...?
Dark.
Daniel Dark.
Very inflamed.
How are you feeling today?
Extensive lesions.
Temperature through the roof.
Difficult case.
We moved him to a private
room after several
disruptive outbursts.
How long have you had
psoriatic arthropathy...?
''Ow wrong?''
Since Pearl Harbor.
26 years.
And do you have
much movement
-in your joints?
-Not very...
Hydrocortisone injections
all major joints
including the toes.
And the history?
-Oh, initially, coal tar.
-Right.
-Then gold injections.
-Mm-hmm.
Butazolodin, lndomethocine.
Not successful.
The courses Prednisone,
Prednisolone,
lengthening.
PUVA, not successful.
Then Methotrexate
after positive liver biopsies.
Oh, well, then, excuse me.
Much nausea?
Do you, uh, vomit, yes, mm?
Y-yeah...
lnduced neutrophenia.
Wart-like lesions.
Removed.
Withdrawn.
You're, uh...
he's hyper...
You're hyperventilating.
Um, are you experiencing some
kind of visual dislocations?
-Mind tripping?
-l think...
Oh, yesterday he said
there was a dog in the bed,
uh, chewing his ankles.
Okay, things are not good here.
Um, how do you feel about
Mr...
Dark, how would you feel about
one of the new Retinoids?
Hmm?
lt... it-it wasn't my ankles.
lt was chewing my balls.
l see.
But what l'm asking you is if
you understand the question...
No! l don't!
Because l have regressed into
the pathetic condition
of total dependency, Doc.
ln short,
and in the vernacular,
l'm a f***ing kid again.
The last time l had
to endure anything
this demeaning
was in my baby-buggy.
l was drooled over
by slobbering cretins...
-Mr. Dark!
-who apparently escaped
They thought they were
doctors and nurses.
What, uh...
what exactly did you, uh...
what'd you do for a-a living,
Mr., what, l forget his name...
Dark?
What did l do?
l'm an author.
Oh... oh.
l didn't realize...
Dan Dark.
Trash that doesn't sell.
Detective stories
about a gumshoe
who warbles.
Well, that sounds interesting.
Um, what... what...?
Hey, listen to me.
Please, please...
W-What is it?
Will you please listen?
l can't talk
lying flat out like this.
l need... help
to sit up, please.
Oh. Well, help him up.
You know, l-l really, um...
You understand,
l'm on a very tight schedule...
-Listen...
-There you go.
Listen... listen...
listen!
l'm no hero,
and l've reached the end.
Of what?
My tether.
Oh, come on!
F...!
l'd like...
Christ, l'd like
to get out of it, but l can't!
Listen! l can't s...
l can't stand it,
l really truly can't stand
any... more!
l can't get on top of it,
l can't think straight,
and l can't tell what is
from what isn't,
and if l don't tell someone,
if l don't admit it,
l'll never get out of it.
Oh, l'm sorry...
Oh, the shame.
The tears...
All this oozing, useless liquid,
it just hurts my... skin.
My face, and...
and when l laugh,
it hurts my jaw.
...my own skin.
On the hop!
Librium.
Valium.
Antidepressants.
And the barbiturates,
of course.
Bah, bah, bah, bah
Bah, bah, bah, bah
Bah, bah, bah, bah
Bah, bah, bah, bah
At the hop
Well, you can rock it,
you can roll it
Do the stop
and even stroll it
-At the hop
-Hop, hop, hop, hop
When the record starts spinning
You calypso
when you chicken at the hop
Hop, hop, hop, hop
Do the dance sensation
that is sweeping the nation
-At the hop
-Hop, hop, hop, hop
Let's go to the hop
Let's go to the hop,
oh, baby
Let's go to the hop,
oh, baby
Let's go to the hop
Come on,
let's go to the hop
Well, you can swing it,
you can groove it
You can really start
to move it at the hop
Ah, ah, ah
Where the jockey
is the smoothest
And the music is the coolest
at the hop
All the cats and chicks
can get their kicks at the hop
Let's go!
Let's go to the hop
Let's go to the hop,
oh, baby
Let's go to the hop,
oh, baby
Let's go to the hop
Come on
Let's go to the hop
Let's go!
Bah, bah, bah, bah
Bah, bah, bah, bah
Bah, bah, bah, bah
Bah, bah, bah, bah
At the hop!
Well, there is an upside
to all this pain and...
l firmly believe that.
And...
Good morning.
Uh...
he's almost over the edge.
l think that Gibbon
should see him. Okay?
Pretty Nina was full of semen,
comma, and bath water, period.
But the pretty head...
that knew too much
was now emptied...
of its last
sad, little thought, period.
A lot of products.
Oh, lookee here.
Body cream.
Jesus.
Harem Nights.
ls it done?
This goo, you put it
under your armpits,
you beat your meat with it,
what?
-Shaddup.
-Hey.
Shaddup!
Ah.
Just like a dame.
Tough guys don't upchuck.
They half know that vomit
is a kind of sacrament.
Period.
How are we today?
Mm, l'm not too happy.
l don't... l don't
know about him.
What?
Or maybe you mean you.
What do you mean?
Well, how are we today?
See, you say, ''we.''
Who's the other guy?
lt's just
a way of speaking.
Yeah, it's a medical way.
Assume loss of health
0 fans
Submitted on August 05, 2018
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"The Singing Detective" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 19 Dec. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/the_singing_detective_18193>.
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