The Skeptic Page #3

It's your entire operation.

- Really?

- Representing to a dying old woman

that you have answers

to questions you don't have?

Giving supernatural significance

to noises in her house?

- No, not supernatural.

Natural.

- We told her we could give natural,

scientific explanations

to whatever she heard.

- Scientific, paranormal, ESP,

psychic...

- Yes, they're as scientific as gravity.

They're just not yet fully understood.

Go look up

the US military Star gate Project,

their Sony Zapper lab.

Don't get me wrong.

We're not looking for ghosts here.

What we do is science.

- I know a little bit

about accepted science, Doctor.

Who is officially behind

your mind reading lab here at DIT?

- Oh, I get it.

You're contesting the will.

That's what this is really about.

You didn't get the money.

- No, what this is about

is you taking advantage

of an old woman whose faculties

were failing.

- Faculties?

She was more lucid than you.

- Tell you what.

Wear a blue suit when you

sell that to the jury.

- You're a close-minded man, Mr. Becket.

- And why is that, Doctor?

Because I don't happen to think

your fringe lab is the real deal?

- No, because you don't think.

You know.

And that's where

you give yourself away.

[metallic clink]

[door creaking]

"Though I walk through the valley

of the shadow of death"...

"The demon walks here. "

[scoffs]

[door creaking]

Hey, hey!

Hey!

Hey!

[laughs]

- Why is he sent?

[indistinct whispering]

[clicking noises]

Do you believe it's him?

Please.

What does he want?

- What does he want here?

- That's...

[crashing]

[phone beeping]

- 911.

What's your emergency?

- There's someone in my house.

- What did you say, sir?

Someone in the house?

- Yes.

[phone beeps]

- [whispering]

In the trunk.

Look in the trunk.

Old trunk.

Old trunk.

- Hey!

Hey!

[horn honks]

- Get rid of the flake factor.

- Oh.

- May I talk to you for a minute?

- Give me the room, would you, guys?

- First of all, I'd like to apologize

for last night.

I came on too strong.

And for that I'm sorry.

- Hmm.

Did something happen?

- Let's just say

that I now understand how my aunt

could have become confused

and thought her place was haunted.

[laughs]

I thought I heard something

there myself last night.

I'm staying there

until the estate is settled.

- What did you hear?

- Whispering outside my door.

I do not believe in ghosts.

And I got the sense

that you don't either.

- I don't.

I don't believe

in anything supernatural.

- Then we're kindred spirits.

But that still leaves me

short of an answer.

- Mehh.

Sit.

The human voice

is not real complex.

It's a sound that nature

has very little difficulty mimicking.

Now, what I'm going to play for you is real.

It was recorded in a farmhouse

in the Berkshires, 1976.

It was heard by multiple witnesses,

caught on tape,

sworn to in an affidavit.

Okay?

It's the real McCoy.

Please.

[indistinct screeching]

Isn't that amazing?

This is an authentic aural event.

And it's probably what we call

a chi cluster.

It's a build-up of chi field energy,

then released

into the sonic spectrum.

- But it's not words.

- What do you mean?

- How does it come out as words,

you know,

in an intelligent sentence structure?

- Well, it doesn't.

I mean, maybe it does

once in a million,

like those monkeys

typing sonnets, but...

- No, but it did for me.

The voice that I heard spoke.

It did not just say,

"Ooh, aah, aah. "

It said something like

"an old trunk. "

And it kept repeating it

over and over.

"An old trunk" or "in an old trunk"

as if to suggest that I...

- Bryan, is it?

- Yeah.

- How well can you hear

through a door?

- Pretty well, I guess.

Okay, now, what was the volume like?

- Like I'm talking now?

- Maybe a little lower.

- You know,

I'm going to tell you what you did,

and I don't want you to get embarrassed,

because you're not the first.

But you heard whispering sounds.

And presuming that they must be human,

your brain strove

to put speech to them.

So "old trunk," or "in the old trunk"

was the best it could come up with.

It's called psychoacoustics.

Excuse me.

- Really.

I respect the concept.

I really do.

But I don't know.

- What I heard was so...

- What'd I say?

- What?

- Oh, did you catch that?

- Yeah.

You said, "What'd I say?"

- No, I didn't.

I said, "Rudd lie stay. "

[whispers]

Rudd lie stay.

You made it into

"what'd I say. "

- Huh.

Sh*t.

- Your aunt did the same thing.

She took a garden variety

acoustical sub-event

and made it into a haunting.

- [chuckles]

I'll be damned.

- You're surprised, huh?

You thought I'd accept your

hearing voices

as an everyday thing, didn't you?

- No, I thought it was an

everyday thing for you people.

Don't they have nuns

for that kind of work?

- [laughs]

Careful.

You'll get me in trouble.

- I'm late for our meeting, Father.

My apologies.

- You know, some people would say

being late for a meeting

with a priest

shows a subconscious hostility

towards the church.

- You think it's subconscious?

What'd you want to see me about?

- Your aunt's place.

I drove by there last night,

and I saw some lights on,

and I was very curious about

who you were letting stay there.

- I'm staying' there.

- You are?

- Yeah.

Robin and I are taking

a little breather.

Why, is something' wrong?

- Oh, you're going to think

I'm silly for even saying this.

- Oh, I think half what you say

is silly anyway.

It's part of your charm.

So what is it?

- Be careful in that house.

- What does that mean?

- It means

there's something not quite

right there.

- Are you trying' to tell me you

think the house is haunted?

- You don't believe

in haunted houses, do you?

- No, I do not.

- Do you believe in evil?

- No, I do not.

- Your aunt believed

that the place was haunted.

- Would you like to know how I see

this whole haunted house business?

- Yes, I would.

- My aunt in her younger, stronger days

would never have fallen prey

to superstition.

But at 81, in failing health,

living all alone in a great big house

with lots of memories,

some regrets, no doubt,

when she heard something,

whatever it was,

she was ripe to run with it.

Now, you mix that in

with hardening of the arteries,

you have yourself a ghost story.

- You're a good lawyer, Becket.

- I'm a doubting Thomas, Father.

No offense.

It's just in my nature.

- None taken.

- Still, it's always good to see you.

- And you, my friend.

Just remember one thing, Becket.

Thomas was wrong.

[wooden creaking]

- Ah!

- Jeez.

You are such a dick.

- You shouldn't leave

the front door unlocked.

- [sighs]

You scared the sh*t out of me.

- Ah.

Where were you this morning?

- Huh?

Oh, God!

Damn it.

God damn it!

I missed the conference

with Judge Alkali.

Oh, sh*t.

Aw, I'm sorry.

- Screw sorry.

What's going' on with you?

- Nothings going' on with me, Sully.

I missed a meeting.

I can't miss one meeting?

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