The Slumber Party Massacre Page #2

Cast your eyes on this.

Maui Wowie, 100% seedless

primed bud. Oh, hi, Mr. Contant.

I was just leaving.

Trish, I won't tell if you don't let your

parents know I scared you to death, okay?

- Hey, go easy on the Maui Wowie.

- For sure, Mr. Contant.

And if you need me

I'm right next door.

- Thanks.

- Good night.

- Big doings next door, I see.

- It's none of our business.

How come you weren't

invited to the party?

I was. I just turned them down so I could

take care of my darling little sister.

Like hell.

As the famous Jim

Jones once said...

Shut up and drink your Kool-Aid.

Hello?

Yeah, hold on. It's some boy.

Hello?

Hi, Gordon.

Quit glommin' all the chips.

This is the best time to do it, before

Diane gets here and eats them all.

Quit glommin' the joint.

- What does that guy see in her, anyway?

- She's beautiful.

I think she has a big mouth.

Hey, it's not how big your mouth is.

It's what's in it that counts.

What I don't see is what

she sees in John Minor.

Maybe it's what we don't see.

Hey, it's not how big

it is, remember?

It's what's in it that counts.

I left the burner on.

- Will your mom be mad?

- I'll have to replace it. It's okay.

At a recent Tinseltown bash, the lovely Brook

Shields shocked everyone by turning up

with a new frizzy hairdo.

I thought she looked

like Charles II.

And her close friends thought she

stuck her finger in the wall socket.

- Dog's in the trash again.

- So go take care of it.

What do you think I am, stupid?

I'm not going out there

alone in the dark. You go.

It's too bad Mom and Dad didn't get

a divorce before you were born.

I love you too.

Talking about getting caught in the

act, guess who got caught in the act?

Who?

- Who?

- Got caught in the act?

- Yeah. In bed.

- Who?

- Stephanie and Joe.

- What? Are you kidding?

Oh my god.

You know what? That must have been the

reason she didn't show in class Friday.

I have her in my third period

class. She wasn't even there.

Well, you know why?

Because she was sore.

They were in bed, and guess

who came up the stairs?

- Where were they?

- They were in her house.

- Her parents' house?

- Yeah, her parents' house.

And her parents came up the stairs.

Oh my god. What'd they do?

So they just made it.

They didn't get caught.

They just kind of

flew out really fast.

There she goes.

I'm glad I've never been in

that situation, aren't you?

Me too. How embarrassing.

What's the big deal?

I don't get it.

Her parents walked in on them

while they were screwing.

I don't think I've been giving Kim

the attention she deserves.

Who would have guessed?

But Stephanie didn't show

up to third period, right?

Yeah, yeah.

- And Joe hasn't been in class for...

- God, I bet they're grounded forever.

- Well, they didn't get caught, right?

- I know, but they almost got caught, Diane.

- Well, it's their fault.

- You've never been in that position, Diane.

- What did we do to deserve this?

- I think we died and went to heaven.

Courtney, what are you doing?

I'm upstairs doing

my biology homework.

Why do I find that hard to believe?

Don't laugh, I have to concentrate.

Ok, but do me a favor and don't

tear out the centerfold this time.

What do you say we order a pizza?

- No anchovies.

- Mushrooms and olives.

Hey, since I'm the only one dressed

I'll go get wood for the fire.

Bring it in through the garage

so you don't scuzz up the rug.

Yuck!

Gross.

Hi, Mr. Contant.

Hi Diane, I hope

I didn't startle you.

- No, not at all. You're on a snail hunt?

- Uh-huh. That makes 53 tonight.

And this is the only

good way to get 'em.

They come out after dark and

they eat up my vegetable garden.

My dad goes on snail hunts too.

He doesn't like to use pesticides.

It's not organic.

- Right. Goodnight, Mr. Contant.

- Goodnight.

A-ha. Number 54.

Hey, did you hear something?

No, I didn't. Look, I've got

an idea. Come on.

Hey, listen to this: Boy, 10,

sucked down sewer but survives.

Diane!

Why don't you read this

thing's horoscopes?

- Sign?

- Scorpio, of course.

Of course.

Your power with the opposite

sex will get you ahead.

Not too bad.

Depends on whose head.

Taurus.

You'll get the rest you deserve.

Relax and enjoy it.

Hey, is it getting cold in here?

Sort of.

Why don't you read more

about that sewer boy?

In Fort Wayne, Indiana, a 10-year-old

boy who was swept into the...

Poor kid.

Diane. Did you remember to close the

garage door when you brought the wood in?

I don't know.

Oh my god, what is it?

My doll, I... I threw

it away this morning.

- It must be those boys.

- Close the curtain Jackie.

The garage door...

I have to go check it.

I'll go with you.

Sh*t, the lightbulb's out.

- See? I closed it.

- Yeah, but you didn't lock it.

My dad's got a lot of

valuables in here.

- Come on, hurry up.

- You have to step on it, like this.

Everything is okay, come on.

Let's get down to some partying.

- Fork it over, shortcakes,

- Why not? I already finished it.

- Pervert.

- Look who's talking.

- Courtney!

- Leave it alone.

Jason is the athletic type.

He enjoys bike riding and

tennis and surfing at dawn.

He's a straight-A student and

planning to be a veterinarian.

He'll do.

Yuck!

You faker. You were beating

off boys in the fifth grade.

I was not, you creep.

Donald is a fly fisherman

and a gourmet cook.

Hey Val, did you tell mom?

Tell mom what? About the

fifth grade? I made that up.

You did not. I hate you.

I hate you, you creep!

I'll get you for this.

Hi, boo boo.

Boo boo?

I love you, too. I miss you.

Yeah, it's okay.

Trish doesn't mind.

I love it, too.

Do you think I'm getting better?

Shh. Hold on.

I think our first

amendment's been violated.

Not the word I would have chosen.

Very immature, you guys.

- Oh my god.

- What happened?

- All the lights went off.

- Just a minute.

Strangers in the night...

Where's that flashlight?

Diane?

- Where's the flashlight?

- I'm looking for it.

I'm over here.

- Kim, where are you?

- Here it is.

What do you think happened?

I know what happened.

We must have blown a fuse.

Where's the fuse box?

In the garage.

Cut it out, you guys!

What's going on down there?

Oh, we'll take care of it. You

stay here and talk to Boo Boo.

Kimberly, your days are numbered.

- It's right this way.

- Wait for me, I've got the flashlight.

- Be careful.

- Boo Boo! Can you believe it?

Jeez. High school boys.

Hold it, hold it.

Boo!

- Who's there?

- Me, bimbo.

Okay, let's go.

God, it's dark.

Where is it?

It's right over here in the

corner. Come on, Kim.

- Is that it?

- I think so. Yeah, this is it.

- Hold the beam steady, your hand's shaking.

- It is not.

Grow up, you guys.

That's weird. None of the fuses are

blown but some are missing.

- Holy sh*t.

- Terriffic.

Jeff!

- Hey, don't kill me. I give up.

- Here are the fuses.

- Wow, can't you guys take a joke?

- How did you get out of the third grade?

I can't believe you two.

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