The Spat Page #3

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Lift that.

Wake up, darling, wake up.

Slap her.

-I can't, sir.

It's an order.

My darling.

Why is it...

What did you say?

-Why is it so cold?

It's his fault. He connected

the heating to the refrigerator.

My tropical plants.

My tropical plants.

Arthur! Arthur!

I'm going.

I'm leaving the house.

Bernadette...

-If Arthur's dead...

I'll buy you a huge

vegetable garden in the Ardche.

Try to understand.

-I do. You don't love me anymore.

I do love you.

I'm telling you.

What are you doing?

You deserve a divorce.

-The Daubray-Lacazes don't divorce.

Bernadette, you're not

going to leave me here.

And why not?

-I need you.

You only care about profit.

I was wrong to think you cared about me.

That's a sign. I'm going.

Where to?

-Away from this madman's house.

I'm taking Arthur.

Arthur. Now he's been boiled.

You killed him.

I froze him but

you boiled him.

Adieu!

-Bernadette!

Make yourself at home.

-I am at home. Follow that car.

My wife's in it. Drive.

-She's leaving you.

Please, just drive.

Hurry.

-Don't get so worked up.

I get worked up when I want.

Now hurry.

My wife left half a year ago.

-That doesn't have anything to do with it.

If I were you, I'd check

the Lion d'Or hotel.

My wife in a hotel?

-At this hour...

Slow down. Slow down.

Stop. That's her car.

Hey, buddy.

There's only one solution.

Smack her.

My wife's room.

Where's the master key?

You look like the mayor.

Let me sleep!

Bernadette! Bernadette!

Bernadette!

-Mayor!

Long live France!

Curious, are we?

What are you doing?

That hurt.

Change partners.

Guess what I ate.

Slag?

-No, a peach.

And now the 6th competitor

in our imitation competition.

It's Daubray-Lacaze.

-Do you think?

I work for him.

-No.

Yes.

-Allow me?

Aren't you on sick leave?

-That doesn't mean I can't dance.

But how do you know?

-Look.

Do you all know who this was?

-Daubray Lacaze!

I recognise this wrist.

Mrs. Daubray-Lacaze. Am I wrong?

It's me. I left my husband.

The house's no good.

And neither is my husband.

It's hell.

With me, life is paradise.

-Listen, you don't have a chance.

Nothing's ever impossible.

Change partners.

Change.

Change partners.

If that's my wife...

Allow me, madam.

Guillaume!

Oh, Guillaume.

You'll never change.

Wait. Assaulting a magistrate

will get you 2 years.

And my wife's

even more expensive.

That one's yours.

That's an order.

At your orders.

Is there a doctor in the house?

-Yes, here.

There's no more doctor

in the house.

At your orders, mayor.

Arrest him.

What has he done to you?

-Nothing.

Shall we go?

-Why?

You don't want to sleep here.

-It's more quiet than at home.

I'll make a phone call

and give them orders.

I don't trust you anymore.

Get the room the way it was.

Stop all work. That's an order.

There.

Are we going?

-I was just starting to have fun.

A last drink?

-A last dance?

Gentlemen, a last dance.

Do you feel alright?

-I'm fine.

Are you happy?

-I'm happy.

One worker.

-Two workers.

Three workers.

Four workers.

At 7 sharp, we start.

-Remember, work extra hard.

What's that?

Nothing, nothing.

It's nothing.

Now I'm gone forever.

The key to my room, please.

-But... Mr. Director...

I don't understand.

-I'm sorry, we're fully booked.

Your room was given to somebody else.

I thought you'd left.

Bad luck for me.

And for you.

Why did you do that?

You got a call from my husband.

He said no room for Mrs. Daubray-Lacaze.

-Exactly.

He'll get angry.

-And it's going to hurt.

The slightest noise at night

and he'll have you closed.

Mr. Director, you have to

sign the cheques.

No, I couldn't...

-It's the end of the month.

Again? It was the end of

the month last month.

And next month, it will be

the end of the month. And then...

I just couldn't...

Mr. Saussereau.

Thank you, Mr. Director.

-Mr. Bernadin.

Mr. Dutreix.

Mr. Director.

We caught up with the work.

-So what? Go three times faster.

That's impossible. The workers

are tired. -So am I.

And we're polluting the city.

That's very bad for the elections.

Get lost.

Mr. Director. A phone call.

Who?

-Your wife.

Hello?

-Everything alright?

Everything's fine.

And you?

If anybody asks, I'm

in the Lion d'Or.

The Lion d'Or?

But will you be here for breakfast?

No, but you'll see me

very soon. Bye bye.

Why didn't you set the

table for my wife?

Breaking news:
Madame is

in the Lion d'Or hotel.

Give her a plate

as if she was here.

The first round of the elections

will be held in 12 days.

My program consists of 3 points.

First point:
enough jobs.

Second point:
enough jobs.

Third point:
enough jobs.

Since I'm the only candidate...

...I'll be re-elected.

Am I interrupting?

I'm running against you.

You shouldn't think this

is funny, Mr. Mayor.

Why so formal?

-That's how it is from now on.

Did you make a list?

Certainly. 27 signatures,

as required by law.

From my town? Show me.

Here they are.

Classy people.

-All French citizens.

Clearly.

Look who's here.

-Right, have a good laugh.

Which formalities are required?

-I'll ask you some questions.

Form XTK712.

I can't find it.

-Sabotage!

Here it is.

-Come over here.

Not you.

Name and first name?

-Daubray, ne Lacaze, Bernadette.

Nationality?

-French.

Married?

-Alas!

Your age?

-17.

than my husband.

No.

-Yes.

Political party?

-Nature's Defence Party.

Leeks and daisies.

Some program.

Quite different

from yours.

Profession?

-Horticulturist.

And unemployed because of

destruction of my work place.

Profession of the husband?

-Ex-mayor and polluter.

Sign here.

Bernadette...

End of session.

Picture.

Picture.

That's enough.

To work.

I need 40,000 of them for tomorrow.

The biggest type, everywhere.

Let me introduce you to

Madame Berger, from French TV.

How are you?

-I'll come right to the point.

My station is interested

in your double candidacy.

Mrs. Daubray-Lacaze and you.

This happens very rarely.

It should be forbidden.

-We thought that a live debate...

...between you and your wife

would be very interesting.

No.

-Yes.

-A debate is fine.

But only with me.

A debate with yourself?

-Here and here and then...

And your wife?

-Women have nothing to say.

A bit livelier.

Smile, please.

It should smell of lavender

and apple blossoms.

Beehives in the sun.

A storm at sea...

Now the sheep's

looking sad.

Did he refuse?

-No he accepted. But on his own.

Alone? A debate?

-Yes, women have nothing to say.

Nothing to say but

something to do.

Machine 20. Talk to

the foreman in the back.

Next.

I've come for the job ad.

-Yes, it never stops.

Fill this in.

The salary's minimum wage.

We can't go lower.

Great. I'll take it.

Good.

Machine 12 in the greenhouse.

What's wrong, Lontine?

-I'm hallucinating.

It's your cholesterol.

-It's your wife.

Don't mention my wife.

Hello, darling.

What's gotten into you?

Tell him to go faster.

-Go faster.

Tell him clearly. Yell at him.

-You have to go faster!

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