The Star Wars Page #10

ARTWO:

It's not possible. We're not built for this. You're nothing more than a dim-

witted, emotion-brained intellectual. Why you were created is beyond my logic

systems. Thanks to you, we're deserters, and will probably be destroyed on

sight. And on top of that, you're going the wrong way! All this filth is

getting....

The towering Threepio stops short and turns on the blabbering mechanical runt.

THREEPIO:

I've had enough of you, you pragmatic, nearsighted scrap pile. You go your

own way.

He picks up the tiny robot and tosses him several feet into a large sand dune.

Threepio starts off in the direction of the dune sea. Artwo struggles to his

feet, and shakes a metallic claw arm at his disappearing ex-partner.

ARTWO:

You'll be malfunctioning within a day. You're going the wrong way, but your

way is always the wrong way.

Threepio stops and yells to the smaller android.

THREEPIO:

And don't let me catch you following me, begging for help, because you won't

get it from me.

Artwo's reply is a rather rude sound, which only an electronic person could

make. He turns and trudges off in the opposite direction into the rocky

desert mesas.

51. DUNE SEA - AQUILAE

Threepio, hot and tired, struggles up over the ridge of a dune, only to find

more dunes, which seem to go on for endless miles. He looks back in the

direction he came.

THREEPIO:

You little malfunctioning twerp. This is all your fault. You tricked me into

going this way, but you'll do no better!

He sits in a huff of anger and frustration, knocking the sand from his joints.

52. DESERT MESA - AQUILAE

Artwo stumbles through a narrow canyon until he climbs over a small boulder

and sees before him a sight he first thinks is a mirage. Nestled in a rock

formation is a deserted landspeeder. Once the little robot is convinced that

he is alone, he approaches the battered speeder and begins to analyze it. He

climbs into the pilot's seat, and attempts to start the unfamiliar transport.

He hears a sound, and stops for a moment. He sees nothing, so he continues to

fiddle with the control panel until the speeder lurches forward with a start,

banging into a large rock. The stubby android is shaken, but neither he, nor

the speeder, seems to be damaged.

Shivers run down Artwo's metal spine, and again he has an eerie feeling that

he is being watched. He slowly looks around, and sees a large man, Captain

Starkiller, standing directly behind him. He is startled, then terrified.

STARKILLER:

Where is your master?

The little robot clicks and rattles, but doesn't speak.

STARKILLER (Con't)

Can't you speak? How do you relate your data? You're of Karollian

manufacture...You should be able to talk. Are you damaged?

Starkiller pokes at the machine, but doesn't see any damage. Artwo eyes him

suspiciously. The robot turns with a start and discovers a young girl,

Princess Leia, has been standing next to him for some time.

PRINCESS (sarcastic)

Well, General, who's your friend?

STARKILLER:

I don't know. He doesn't seem to be able to talk. Damaged,

probably....Jettisoned from a damaged ship...

PRINCESS:

What do you intend to do with it?

STARKILLER:

We'll take it with us. Could be a storehouse of valuable information.

Starkiller guides the android into the small luggage area behind the front

seat, then hops into the driver's seat.

PRINCESS:

I don't want to ride with that hing. I order you to destroy it immediately.

STARKILLER:

Get in! We've got to hurry if we're going to get across the "dunehedge" by

nightfall...You're coming, one way or the other. Will you join us peaceably?

The princess reluctantly gets into the speeder, and it starts with a jolt.

53. LANDSPEEDER - DESERT MESAS - AQUILAE

The speeder flies along, a foot or so above the landscape.

PRINCESS:

You are such a barbarian. I'll have my father cut you into little pieces when

we get back...and I'll take pleasure in feeding you to the Gonthas....a little

bit each day. I may save your eyes though. I'll have them petrified and made

into a necklace.

STARKILLER:

Your sweetness is only surpassed by your beauty. Just try to remember, I'm

only following orders.

PRINCESS:

... to beat me and abuse me?

STARKILLER:

I'm afraid I've only learned one way to treat wild animals.

Artwo thrashes about, trying to relieve the pressure on his crumped legs.

PRINCESS:

You stay out of this.

54. DUNE SEA

Threepio struggles to the top of a large dune. He is dirty and hot. His

plight seems hopeless. He searches the horizon for any sign of life. A glint

of reflected light in the distance reveals an object speeding toward him. The

chrome android waves frantically, and yells at the approaching speeder. The

sleek landspeeder races past him about a hundred yards away. He runs after

it, screaming in desperation, until he stumbles and falls head over heels down

an enormous sand dune. Silently, the speeder sweeps around in a circle and

stops behind the immobile robot. Starkiller jumps out of the landspeeder and

is quickly followed by Artwo.

PRINCESS:

We're in a hurry, remember! If you're going to stop for everyone unfortunate

along the way, we'll never get back. We're lucky you got the speeder running

as it is.

Artwo waddles up to his fallen partner and starts pulling on his leg, then

runs up and starts pulling on his arm.

ARTWO:

Function! Function! It's me. Come on, function.

STARKILLER:

Well, my little friend, you've found your tongue.

ARTWO:

We must help him... We've been lost.

STARKILLER:

Where did you come from?

The little robot runs around his fallen partner giving him small electric

charges from his claw hand. Threepio shudders from head to toe, then regains

consciousness.

THREEPIO:

What happened?

ARTWO:

You're overheated.

STARKILLER:

Where did you come from?

ARTWO:

We were jettisoned from six twenty-nine, P.R. one.

STARKILLER:

I'm unfamiliar with that ship. What type is it?

THREEPIO:

It's a class M station, not a conventional craft.

Threepio then stands and shakes the young Jedi's hand.

THREEPIO (Con't)

I'm Seethreepio, Human-Cyborg Relations. Your kindness is greatly

appreciated.

Starkiller and the two robots walk back to the speeder.

55. Both Artwo and Threepio are stuffed into the tiny luggage compartment.

It is late in the day when the speeder rumbles to a stop in a small desert

canyon surrounded by steep cliffs and broken boulders.

STARKILLER:

We'll rest here.

THREEPIO:

At last. The transport is welcome but my joints are frozen.

Everyone climbs out of the low-slung speeder. Starkiller watches the two

androids as they stretch their mechanical limbs.

ARTWO:

I've got a bad case of dust contamination. I can barely move.

THREEPIO:

What a foresaken place this is. We seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot

in life. Sir, could you tell....

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