The Strongest Man in the World

(BELL DINGS) (SHIP'S HORN BLOWS) (BUZZING) (ROARS) (ANTIQUE CAR HORN HONKING) (HORN HONKS) (ENGINE SPUTTERS, STOPS) (SPLAT) (SQUAWKING) Ohh. Ohh-ho-ho! Does that hurt. Ohh-ho-ho. Ohh! It is unbelievable how much pain

a thing like this can cause. It, uh... Have you ever had a corn? No, I have never had a corn. Regent Dietz, I know that it's hot today

and people are a bit out of sorts, but there is no reason to be mad at me

just because I have a corn on my foot. I am not mad at you

because you have a corn on your foot. I am mad because

I have something important to say. And I haven't been able to get it

out because of your foot. I'm either hearing about it,

or you're limping around on it. Will you please sit down? (MURMURS) Sit down. Yes. Ohh. (GRUNTS) Oh, you're right. That's better. Yes. Well... I have a message

from the Board of Regents. Good. The Board of Regents.

How is the board these days? - Disappointed.

- Disappointed? Disappointed. - Disapp... Uh, about what?

- Plenty. They feel that your problems

here at the school are overwhelming. Well, so do I. And the board wants action. New blood. Fresh ideas.

Top level changes, Higgins. That's what the board wants

and, frankly, I agree. Oh, uh, good thinking, Dietz. Yes! Fresh faces. New blood. Top level changes. That's the ticket. Good! Good to hear that you agree. - When are you leaving?

- Oh, just as soon as I can... What? When am I... Well, you didn't mean...

Top level changes. Yes, Higgins. Top level. Well, not the very tippy-tippy-top. Well, surely not the very

tippy-tippy-tippy top. Yes, I'm afraid the very tippy-tippy, tippy top. Let's face it, Higgins. You've had years to get this place

back on its financial feet and you haven't done it. Waste. Waste, waste. Here. Look at this budget. Well, the costs for the science

department alone, they're ridiculous. Oh, the science...

That's that Quigley again. Oh, I know. I'll fire him. That'll end the waste.

Oh, I guarantee that. Quigley out, waste out. You'll see. Ohh... I'm afraid firing Quigley is not going to

satisfy the Board of Regents. Now, Higgins, let's not

make a problem out of this. Why don't you just

step down gracefully? Step down? Well, I can't step down. I'm right in the middle

of my, uh, uh, my promotional program. - Promotional program?

- Yes! To raise money.

That's what you want, isn't it? Money? Yes, money. But how... How? Don't you worry about... Uh, uh, all I need is 30 days. Higgins, honestly, I don't... Thirty days, Regent Dietz. All right, 30 days. But that's it. No more excuses this time. (SIGHS) I don't know what I'm going to

tell the Board of Regents. Regent Dietz, you'll find your confidence

in me is amply rewarded. - What confidence?

- "What con..." Ohh. (CHUCKLES) In 30 days, the changes

you'll find around... Higgins, I've already told you,

you have your 30 days. But do something. Let's get some order restored

around this place above all, and no more expensive nonsense. Uh, regent Dietz, there is no nonsense

going on around here, I can assure you. If there were, I would see it.

Nothing escapes my eye. Higgins, what are you doing? How... What... What am I doing? - Uh, you forgot something.

- Forgot something? Yes, you forgot your, uh... Oh, your hat. Oh, yes. Wait a minute. This is not my hat. As a matter of fact,

I wasn't even wearing a hat. Oh, that's right. That's my hat.

I thought I recognized that. Oh, and tell

the Board of Regents to cheer up. Every cloud has a silver lining.

(CHUCKLES) Doesn't it? Type something. A little higher on your side. That's it.

Leave it right where it is. Perfect. Hey, Dexter, what do you think of that? That's terrific, Schuyler. Yeah, it does

look pretty good, doesn't it? You know, I'm not sure

a cow twice as starved as Ruthybelle would have anything to do with this stuff. Well, it's probably

that acid taste she doesn't like. You get rid of that

and she'll probably like it. Yeah. Maybe you're right. Carry on. Good morning. - Good morning.

- Good morning, Dean Higgins. - All right, where is he?

- Hey, dean, what happened to your foot? - Never mind my foot. Where is he?

- Who? - Who? Quigley who. That's who.

- Isn't he here? Uh, he'll be a few minutes late. He just dropped by the supply room to

pick up a few more test tubes. You mean that

he leaves you people alone? Well, sure. Why not? Yeah. We're on the honor system. (COW MOOING) I suppose that is

on the honor system too. A cow, on the honor system? Hey, that's pretty good, Dean Higgins. (ALL LAUGHING) Stop trying to butter me up.

I know that isn't funny. Dean, is there anything

we can do for you? No, there isn't anything

you can do for me. I just came up here to make

a little announcement. Back to work. A little announcement? Hey, maybe he's

going to give Quigley promotion. Yeah, wouldn't that be something. If it isn't asking too much, do you think I would be going beyond

my prerogatives as dean of this college to ask you what you're doing? Oh, no, sir. Well, what are you doing? Well, I'm crushing vitamins. I can see that. Any fool can see that. - What for?

- Oh, for the cow, sir. Everything we do

around here is for the cow. You mean to tell me that you're crushing

up perfectly good vitamins to feed to a cow? Well, yes, sir. That's how we're gonna

cure Ruthybelle's nutritional problem. - Who?

- Ruthybelle. The cow. As you can see, she's sort of skinny. Hopefully we'll end up with a fat cow. So that's what all this expense is for.

To make a cow fat. Oh, not only fat, sir,

but a strong cow too. - Thrilling, isn't it?

- I'm overwhelmed. I knew you would be. - You see, it was really my idea.

- I thought so. The kids are just helping me out.

Uh, if you'll excuse me. Shorty, I need another piece of pizza. The flavor's not quite right yet. One piece of pizza coming up. - Pizza?

- Yeah, and she seems to like it too. Do you think maybe she's Italian?

(LAUGHING) - That's not funny, Schuyler.

- Don't you get it? An Italian cow eating pizza. An Italian cow! That kills me! Engaging in a bit of merriment,

Dean Higgins? He is. I'm not. Oh, I see.

Well, it's nice of you to come by. - May I show you around?

- No, you may not show me around. I've already been shown enough with this vitamin-grinding numbskull

that calls himself a science major. - I heard that, sir.

- Good! That's not all I have to say, Quigley. Do you have any idea

how much this operation is costing you? Well, not really, sir, but we're cutting

back everywhere we can. - You take the cow rental, for instance.

- HIGGINS:
Cow rental? Do you mean

we're paying money to make a cow fat? You don't want us to have

skinny cows, do you, sir? Skinny cows, fat cows. Who cares? - Dean Higgins, please don't get excited.

- I'm not excited! Just tell me how much rental

we're paying for this so-called cow. Well, not very much, sir. (SNORTS) - How much?

- Would $15 a day be too much? Fifteen dollars a day? That's the extravagance. If the Board of Regents

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