The Stunt Man Page #22

camera is behind you and it's still

running.

- 118

By this time, Cameron's breath is giving out and he's struggling to

hold it.

CHUCK (CONT'D)

You feel like your lungs are gonna

burst? Good. That's the way you're

supposed to act like you feel. The

moment that water gets above your

nose, you gotta look like you're

drowning. Remember? Burt wasn't so

good at that.

That knocks the wind out of Cameron.

CAMERON:

He sure as hell convinced me.

Chuck clicks his stopwatch and scowls.

CHUCK:

(defensively)

Things happen crossin' the street!

If somethin' goes cockeyed...screw

the scene! Get that mask on.

There's enough oxygen to get you to

China.

(rolls up the window)

We'll try it again.

CAMERON:

(still panting)

Let me catch my breath.

CHUCK:

What you'll catch is a lungful of

water! You're at the bottom of the

river!...You breathe when I goddamn

tell you to breathe!

CAMERON:

(the pupil tricking the

teacher)

Hey, Chuck, you blind?...Can't you

see I've got my respirator on?

CHUCK:

You just goddamn remember you don't

have gills!!

169A

Chuck has stalked over to the WORKBENCH and angrily picks up the

PHONE, which has been ringing incessantly over the last few lines.

- 119

CHUCK:

(shouting)

What?!!

(listens, then yells to

Cameron)

Eli's at the police station!

CAMERON:

That's the best news I've heard.

Let's hope it's a felony.

CHUCK:

He needs Gabe. They're lookin' for

a driver so I'm gonna take him.

Come on with me.

CAMERON:

For what?

CHUCK:

(climbing into the

company car)

You and me are gonna talk about

windows and oxygen and seat belts

and things like that. And if you're

a good boy and listen and don't be a

smart ass, maybe I'll let you sit in

the back seat with Nina Franklin.

CAMERON:

Nina?

Chuck, already in the car, is grinning. Now he's even for the

"respirator" bit.

CHUCK:

You might even get to hold hands.

EXT. POLICE STATION - MOVING SHOT ON CAMERON

The POLICE STATION comes into view, seen through the window of the

company car, which slows as it moves toward the curb. Eli, sitting

on the front stoop, leans wearily against the stone lion. As he

sees the car approach, he moves toward it quickly, opening the door

almost before it stops.

- 120

ELI:

(beckoning)

Gabe, Nina...

Eli pulls Gabe and Nina toward the police station, yelling back to

Cameron and Chuck.

ELI (CONT'D)

You two better wait here.

Cameron watches them, confused, as they start up the steps toward

the station house.

ANOTHER ANGLE - ELI, NINA, GABE - MOVING SHOT

NINA:

I hate this, damn it! Couldn't you

have done it without me?

ELI:

Let's say you owe it to him. Until

two or three days ago, I had a

pretty good actor on my hands. Next

time you take out the clippers, be a

little humane, make sure the guy's

got one to spare.

NINA:

(furious)

What did you want me to do? Take

him in the back room and unzip his

fly every time he fluffed a line?

What else can I do for your film?

ELI:

Just get your greedy little ass

inside and make sure you give the

performance of your life.

(icily)

This next number, I dedicate to

you...dear.

- 121

172

INT. POLICE STATION

As the three enter. The station is old with a high sergeant's desk

and wooden benches against the walls. Raymond, beyond tears,

destroyed, sits among the other refuse of the night: derelicts,

stoned kids, etc. On one bench is a SAILOR, with that adenoidal

look that betrays the weakness he tries to hide with his "butch"

arrogance. Jake, in the doorway of his office, savors the fact that

he has finally nailed Eli Cross. Eli captures the setup in a

glance...then, instant theater. He strides across the police

station to Raymond, takes his head in his hands and kisses him smack

on the mouth.

ELI:

(vehemently)

Who's better, booby...him or me?

Gabe has come up behind a PATROLMAN, grabs him by the hips and

starts humping like a dog in heat. The policeman shrieks in dismay

and tries to escape, but Gabe trots along as if they were locked.

ELI:

(shouting)

Jake! Throw some water on him,

quick! Only way to get 'em apart!

Gabe is now distracted by the sight of the sailor, who is agape with

growing disbelief. Gabe ogles him.

GABE:

Yummy...look at the seafood! You're

a humpy little number.

(then to Raymond,

stamping his foot)

You nasty boy. You could've died of

mercury poisoning.

The sailor leaps to his feet in horror, screaming.

SAILOR:

Jesus Christ, they're all faggots!

173

ANGLE ON SERGEANT'S DESK

Eli has stormed to the counter and slams his fist down on it

furiously, confronting Jake.

- 122

ELI:

(shouting)

I'm registering a complaint! Thirty-

two members of my company got V.D.

from your local virgins. The

Chamber of Commerce didn't say

anything about that in their

brochure.

JAKE:

You can stop clowning, Eli, I've got

a sworn complaint from this

sailor...

(jabbing his finer in

Raymond's O.S. direction)

...Your man over there touched his

genitals.

174

ANGLE ON RAYMOND AND NINA

She is snuggled against him tenderly, her open mouth kissing his

neck and cheek. Raymond, although aware of his desperate situation,

is too sick with self-loathing to respond.

175

ANGLE ON ELI AND JAKE

ELI:

Oh, Jake! Come on! You wouldn't

know your anal invert from a hole in

the ground. Raymond makes bad

jokes, but they're not illegal.

Christ, you've seen us all on the

set...clowning around.

176

EXT. POLICE STATION

Cameron stands, peering in through the big front window, feeling

once again betrayed. It's like watching TV with the sound shut off.

From here, Nina and Raymond are very convincing. Chuck leans

against a lamppost, smoking a cigarette, as the charade goes on.

- 123

177

INT. POLICE STATION

Eli now going full blast.

ELI:

My company's been pouring sixty

thousand dollars a week into this

place, for which your mayor and

governor seem very grateful! We

paid enough in taxes and fees alone

to buy you parking meters from here

to the boardwalk!

SAILOR:

(feeling it's all going

wrong)

Everything I said in that statement

is the flat-ass truth!

Eli pays no attention, knowing that he's got Jake. He gestures

toward Nina embracing Raymond.

ELI:

Jake, I got a very horny leading

lady who's got an early call and

would like to spend some time with

her boyfriend before she makes

"night-night." Now, can I please

get 'em outta here before they

really do something illegal...and in

front of witnesses!

178

INT. HOTEL CORRIDOR - ON ELEVATOR DOORS - NIGHT

It's three o'clock in the morning. The corridors are empty as the

elevator door swings open and Nina and Eli step out and move down

the hallway, functioning on their last ounce of nervous energy.

ELI:

Sorry I had to put you through that.

I know it was humiliating.

NINA:

...It was awful...I hated it. But

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