The Stunt Man Page #24

(suddenly the dam bursts

and all self-control is

gone)

Why are they chasing you?! What

have you done? What happens to me

in the woods? Will I need a bayonet

too?

179C

He stands there, staring at her, his face suddenly savage. After

everything, the lady is afraid of him. He picks up the duffel bag

and moves for the door, then turns on her, punishing her with his

words.

- 130

CAMERON:

The charge was attempted murder. I

bashed this cop's head in. It took

the jury about two f***ing minutes.

It could of been worse. It could of

been life. But the judge...he

looked real nice at me, and said you

were a damn good soldier, son...So

he only gave me twenty years. No

way! Enough!...You know how long I

was in that prison -- nineteen

months -- and then I was gone! I

was gone!

She stares in shock and horror. His anger is like ice.

CAMERON (CONT'D)

Caught me breaking into a

store...oh, not to rob it...I went

there to kill the bastard who owned

it...

NINA:

Why?

CAMERON:

...Because...

179D

Suddenly the ice turns to steam. His self-control shatters like

glass. There in the basement of a 100-year old hotel, before an

audience of one, Cameron ERUPTS, spewing out the memory of his

mortification and crucifixion...not without the silent resignation

of Jesus, but with the howling rage of a mad dog...Pluto with the

rabies...

CAMERON (CONT'D)

...Because...it seemed like a good

idea to twist his f***ing head off!

Said I could be his partner when I

got back...lyin' son of a b*tch was

"real sorry things were slack..."

Slack my ass...he just didn't want

me hangin' around because he was

bangin' my old lady. So I go down

and start bangin' on his door!

(he starts pounding on

the mirror)

- 131

CAMERON (CONT'D)

...He's closed. It's two o'clock in

the morning. I want to smash his

face in and he's closed! "OPEN UP,

YOU BASTARD."

179E

Cameron's fist SMASHES his own face in the dressing table mirror.

His reflection crazes and falls to pieces.

NINA:

(screaming)

Your hand!

Cameron holds up his fist to her, shaking it in glee.

CAMERON:

Bang! That bright, shiny front

window went bye-bye!

(reveling in his own

insanity)

...Maybe he's screwin' her behind

the counter...I climb in there

screamin' "WHERE ARE YA? Come out

here and be a man! Where are ya?

Behind that counter, you son-of-a

b*tch?"

Cameron kicks over the makeup table as though it were the

counter...tubes and glasses shatter all over the floor.

CAMERON (CONT'D)

Ya know what's behind that

counter?...

(the ultimate horror)

...41-DIFFERENT-KINDS-OF-ICE

CREAM..." and all that f***in'

SYRUP!...

179F

There is a rainbow row of makeup jars and hair tints. He starts

HURLING them against the wall where they smash, punctuating his

speech with bursts of gooey color.

CAMERON (CONT'D)

...And these little Mickey Mouse

faces on the walls!...with candy

eyeballs!...

He pauses, catching his breath, as another image emerges from the

swirl of memory.

CAMERON (CONT'D)

- 132

(tense and frightened)

...Then...I see this thing glowing

in the dark...I hit that floor so

fast. Christ, I nearly swallowed my

heart. That second I was sure...it

was Charlie...a cigarette butt, some

guy on a V.C. Patrol!...

(his panic subsides)

Know what it was? It was the

GODDAMN PILOT LIGHT ON THE HOT FUDGE

MACHINE!! That did it! That DID

IT! HOT FUDGE?! Me buried in sh*t,

being the damn good soldier the

judge said I was, yes sir, people

sitting there on their fat asses

feedin' their fat faces. "Can I

have an extra cherry? Can I have an

extra cherry?"

Cameron rips Denise's electric hair dryer from the wall and hurls it

across the basement.

CAMERON (CONT'D)

I smashed that f***ing fudge pot

across the room, smack into that

shelf full of animals...and it

starts raining pussycats and monkeys

and kangaroo cookies like Noah's

Ark!

The hair dryer smashes against a shelf, toppling ammunition boxes

and bottles onto the carcass of a disassembled World War I airplane.

The propeller topples and falls through a German recruiting poster,

and just out at the Kaiser's crotch.

CAMERON (CONT'D)

"How long should a girl wait" she

says? FOR GODDAMN EVER, B*TCH,

THAT'S HOW LONG!

Cameron's hands have come to rest on a metal laundry bin. He grips

it and lifts it over his head.

CAMERON (CONT'D)

I picked up this fifty-pound ice

cream vat...FLAVOR-OF-THE-MONTH!...

ROYAL-BAVARIAN-CHOCOLATE-MIST!...and

I started running with that son-of

a-b*tch...

179G

- 133

Cameron starts running across the room and just as he's about to

hurl it, he COLLIDES with a jutting shelf, which knocks him flat on

his back. The shelf falls and thirty or forty one-gallon PAINT CANS

cascade on top of him. It looks disastrous. Nina runs to him,

terrified, but before the last can has even come to rest, Cameron

emerges from the pile of cans, throwing them aside, still thrashing

and screaming as he struggles to his feet.

At the sight of him, Nina starts laughing. But Cameron, who has

somehow managed to keep his grip on the laundry basket, raises it

over his head as if nothing has happened, hurls the clothes bin,

screaming:

CAMERON (CONT'D)

SCOOP THAT UP YOUR ROYAL BAVARIAN

STRAWBERRY SNATCH!

With the effort, Cameron's feet fly out from under him as if he had

stepped in oil. In fact, he has stepped in paint, and lands flat on

his ass in the green goo. Nina "bracks" out an uncontrollable

guffaw.

CAMERON:

(bellowing)

It's not funny!

Shamed, Nina runs to him.

NINA:

Oh, baby...

But, as she reaches him, her feet too are caught in the paint and

she slides forward like an ice skater, spraddling him, landing on

her ass. His rage vanishes as he points at her, breaking into a

fiendish, uncontrollable cackle. These pratfalls are a catharsis

that has released the pressure and the madness. They attempt to

gain their feet, skidding and sliding in the paint. He succeeds,

but Nina fails.

NINA:

(through laughter)

Let me go to the bathroom. I'm

gonna have an accident.

- 134

CAMERON:

You'll miss the main part! Killer

Cameron's ghastly crime! I was

freaked out of my head! And,

suddenly there's this big flashlight

shining in my face. I just grabbed

that goddamn ice cream bucket and

slopped it...right over the guy's

head!

Although Cameron's got nothing in his hands, he pantomimes swinging

that fifty-pound ice cream bucket around in the air, losing his

balance and landing on his back in the paint beside Nina. Her

hysteria is renewed, but Cameron stops laughing.

CAMERON (CONT'D)

(quietly)

It's not funny. It wasn't him. It

was a cop. I got out of there like

a shot. I didn't know he was

knocked out. How the hell did I

know he was gonna lay there all

night with his head in the ice

cream?

NINA:

(suddenly serious)

Oh, my God. He died?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes