The Sweet Life

---

Woman:

What are you doing?

Nothing.

No, you're invading

my personal space.

Personal space is, like,

arm's length.

No.

Not always.

How so?

After 9:
00 P.M.,

within radius of a major

metropolitan downtown area,

personal space is,

like, at least 15 feet.

Okay.

I've never heard that before,

but have a nice night.

Mathematics and death.

Single, white females

18-24 --

largest demographic of suicides

in the continental U.S.,

edging out dentists

and personal injury lawyers.

Okay.

I'm leaving the twilight zone.

I'm beginning to see

why people don't like you.

What is that

supposed to mean?

You have any friends?

Yeah, I have friends.

Who?

Acquaintances.

You ever think

about jumping?

How can you not?

Frank says that it's part

of this greater obsession.

And i-i tell him

that it's healthy

to have outside interests.

Frank?

My, um...

My therapist.

Allegretti?

How do --

how do you know frank?

That's my therapist.

That's insane.

I have

abandonment issues.

That's what frank says.

He told me

i was a malcontent.

How's that

supposed to help me?

Did he recommend

dance therapy to you?

No.

You?

Yeah.

How's that working out?

It's not.

I don't experience

pleasure.

You have sex?

Yeah.

But I gave up orgasms.

I had a bad

experience.

Predicting when someone's

gonna die for a living?

You know, that's all

life insurance is --

the law of averages.

Well, that sounds

really depressing to me.

What's disturbing is,

what kind of person

actually goes into this --

studying

actuary tables?

Well, isn't that

what you do?

Well, yeah, that's --

that's what I'm saying.

You one of those

sweet life guys?

Yeah.

That's depressing.

Yeah.

Do you think everybody thinks

about jumping?

Just a quick end

to an empty,

mind-numbing existence?

Hey, boss.

There's not a mark on it,

and I always check.

Come on.

Whoo!

Don't be so nervous.

I'm not nervous.

You're a little nervous.

No, I'm fine.

No, you're not.

You should probably

just go the speed limit here.

How long -- how long

do you think it would take

to get

to the golden gate bridge?

Why the golden gate bridge?

I think you know.

You have anything

to live for?

I have, uh...

If you have to cram for it,

you're in trouble.

No, no.

I have a...

Yeah.

You in?

Kenny pantaleo.

Lolita nowicki.

Frank is gonna sh*t.

Yeah.

"Lolita."

Is that your real name?

Why wouldn't it be?

$42?

That's it?

And I have an atm card with

a couple hundred dollars in it.

So...Yeah.

I mean,

I've been downsizing.

You know?

Just, uh,

just getting rid of stuff.

Here.

Just...Follow my lead.

You have an atm in here?

-He has a gun.

-What?

-What?

-You've got a gun.

Nobody has to get hurt.

All right?

That's not your money

in there.

Can I talk to you

for a second?

Hi. Sorry.

Sir, you do have a gun, right?

Yeah, sure.

I have a gun.

Can I see it?

It-- it's just that there's

a strict policy on robberies.

Unless they see a gun

on that camera,

they don't believe

that it's a robbery.

Like, I'm responsible

for any money missing.

They don't take your word?

No.

I-I'm only here, like, a week.

Besides, i-i can't get

into the register

unless you buy something first.

Okay, well why don't

you just pretend

that we're buying

something, okay?

Don't you have

to open the register

to put the money in?

Right, 'cause if you were

buying something,

then I would have had to --

right. Right.

Okay.

How about this, then?

You guys go and pretend

to buy something,

you know, for the cameras.

And then, um,

when I get the register open,

you guys pull out the gun,

and then I give you the money.

Okay, look.

We're lying.

We're not.

We're lying.

We're not.

No one has a gun.

We might have a gun.

Nobody does.

That's too bad.

Do you guys have,

like, a weapon or --

no.

This was just

a spur of the moment,

funny thing.

Uh, well, you know what?

You guys, you're good people.

Let me -- you can't go

empty-handed.

Um, uh, here.

Have some gum.

On me.

That was humiliating.

Look.

Next time we're gonna commit

a felony,

let's touch base beforehand.

It was

a convenience store.

It's armed robbery.

That's a felony.

Ever done anything

in your life balls out?

Yeah.

There's a difference

between being stupid

and being balls-out.

Okay.

Why is the sound off?

I hate sound.

Okay.

Oh, I'm exhausted.

There's only this bed.

How is this gonna work?

We'll take turns.

Take turns sleeping?

No.

Well, I haven't

thought it through.

Okay.

Well...

...why don't we share

the bed?

I'll stay on my side.

Yeah, right. No.

You don't have to worry

about me.

W-what is that

supposed to mean?

I can't, um...

Sex really isn't in my

repertoire these days, so...

If you get my drift.

It's not about you.

Is that meant

to be patronizing?

I mean, do you really think that

i need that kind of validation?

Okay.

Hold that thought,

okay?

We'll talk about it

in the morning.

I hate sharing rooms.

You okay?

Yeah.

Why wouldn't I be?

I don't know.

Why did you ask?

I withdraw the question.

We're not in court.

Writer, huh?

What do you write?

The truth.

Anything more specific?

Poetry.

Published?

I take that as a no.

Yeah. Like anyone's gonna stop

and pick up these guys.

Pull over.

What?

Pull over!

I don't know

about this, Marlon.

Hop in.

Yeah, we're good.

Oh, yeah?

You guys

are hitchhiking, right?

Eh.

Change of plans.

Is there a problem?

No.

No problem.

'Cause we're just trying

to do you guys a solid.

Yeah, we're trying

to do you guys a solid, here.

Oh, we appreciate it.

Yeah.

We'll take a pass.

You're gonna pass?

Yeah.

Okay.

Have a good day.

-Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

-You, too.

Mnh-mnh.

What?

Balls out.

I got it covered.

Well, in my experience,

when someone offers you a ride,

you got to get in the car.

Yeah, well...

That's your experience, chief.

I, uh --

I got a gun.

Get in the car.

So, where you guys headed?

Where are we headed?

I thought this was

a kidnapping.

Giving a ride to degenerates

is our way of embracing life.

So...There is no gun.

You don't want

to f*** with us, Otis, okay?

We're on our way

to the golden gate bridge

to jump off.

Just so you know

who you're dealing with.

We're crazy.

I get that.

Why don't you take a lip

off this here shine?

Take the edge off.

Hey, people don't actually

pick you guys up, do they?

You know,

looking like that?

When you're gay

in these parts, honey,

redneck's a pretty good

cover.

We're married.

How's that going?

Hmm?

Have to work at it.

Sure.

Hey, you see that barn

out there?

That's where granny was

picked up by the aliens. '62.

Said they were

quite thoughtful.

Not at all

what you'd expect.

Ohh.

We're taking her home.

She just passed.

Oh.

Sorry.

Sorry to hear that.

Sorry, you guys.

So, you guys -- uh, you guys

believe in ufos?

More things in heaven and earth,

Horatio.

You know, there --

there have been

ufo sightings verified

Rate this script:1.0 / 1 vote