The Swimmer Page #4

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-I'll take them the paper.

-Thank you.

Thank you f or the lift.

And my apologies. I don't know

why I thought you were Steve.

That's okay.

Hello? Oh, hello, honey.

Tell her to hurry.

They'll miss the sun.

She refuses to bring the children

unless we put on our suits.

After the way we raised her?

What's the matter with her?

After the way we raised you?

What's the matter with you, honey?

She says they're her children,

and she'll raise them her way.

-They'll end up repressed.

-Mummy says they'll end up repressed.

She's not going to bring the children.

Good heavens! It's Neddy Merrill.

-I wonder if he's come to ask us again.

-He'll get the same answer.

-Oh, dear. It seems a little mean.

-He's not going to get a penny.

Couldn't we help him a little?

For old times' sake?

After all, he's a f riend.

Friends are not deductible.

-Hello, Neddy dear!

-How are you, my boy?

-I'm swimming across the county.

-I didn't know one could.

-I met your new chauffeur.

-Nice boy. Sense of personal worth.

-I got a lot of laughs out of Steve.

-Steve had no sense of personal worth.

What does it say?

"At the zoning board meeting,

local property owners objected...

...to the Halloran proposal on the basis

it would overcrowd public schools."

We petitioned to cut the Driscoll estate

into two-acre lots, instead of five.

They're practically

calling us communists.

-Sticks and stones, sticks and stones.

-lt'll be a tough fight, Chester.

-Why is that tree bare?

-Oh, that's an ash.

Well, it must be blighted.

No. Ashes are the last to get their

leaves and the first to lose them.

Overcrowding

the public schools, indeed.

As though people with two acres

propagate more than people with five.

That's not even a biological f act.

-Saf ari Ball. Put me down f or a table.

-Oh, Neddy.

What's the matter?

Don't I always support your benefits?

-A table costs $1000.

-Okay, put me down.

By the way, my boy, I was awfully

sorry that we couldn't be of help.

I don't recall asking you f or help.

How are Lucinda and the girls?

Lucinda's fine and the girls are

home playing tennis.

Now, if you don't mind,

I think I'll get wet.

-Didn't ask f or any money after all.

-Just wait.

He must be back on his feet.

He bought a whole table, didn't he?

-Hi.

-Hi.

-I bet your name's Gilmartin.

-Kevin Gilmartin Jr., after my f ather.

My mother says I've got

a lot to live down.

How about giving me a cup?

-lt's 10 cents.

-I'll owe it to you.

-How do I know I'll collect?

-I'll drop around tomorrow and pay you.

Scout's honour.

Well, I look honest, don't I?

Thanks.

You're shivering.

Is your mother home?

She's in Europe. It's a honeymoon,

so she couldn't take me.

-How's your f ather?

-He's in love with a manicurist.

That's what Mother says. I have to

depend on her f or inf ormation.

-You alone here?

-There's a maid.

I'm gonna invite you over to our house.

I've got two girls you can play with.

-How big?

-Not much bigger than you.

-Do you play with them?

-Sure.

We play tennis

and we go bike riding together.

-I have an English racing bike.

-Fine, bring it over. We'll race you.

-Do you want another?

-No, thanks.

You'll owe me 20 cents.

I haven't time.

I'm swimming home.

-Do you mind if I use your pool?

-Not at all, but...

Well, that does it.

That really does it.

My whole project is ruined.

They emptied the pool

because I'm not a good swimmer.

I'm bad at sports. At school,

nobody wants me on their team.

It's a lot better that way.

You take it f rom me.

At first, it's the end of the world

because you're not on the team.

-Till you realize.

-Realize what?

You realize that you're f ree.

You're your own man.

No need to worry about being captain

and all that status stuff.

They'd never elect me captain

in a million years.

You're the captain of your soul.

That's what counts. Know what I mean?

There's one thing I could do.

I could get in and make believe

I'm swimming across the pool.

But that's kind of cheating, isn't it?

Not if I did all the strokes exactly

as if I were in the water.

-Hey, that's a good idea!

-Let's do it.

Now, there are three things

to remember:

Relax...

...reach and f ollow through.

That's it.

Okay, let's start with the crawl.

Hey, you got pretty good f orm.

I've had lots of lessons.

It's just that I'm af raid of the water.

Okay, over on your back. That's it.

You know what we do

in the winter?

We flood our tennis courts

and ice-skate on them.

Those kids of mine look so damn cute.

Like elves in their red stocking caps.

-I don't know how to skate.

-You come over, we'll teach you.

-Then we'll have a game of hockey.

-Okay.

Breaststroke. Yes, sir, those kids

of mine think I got all the answers.

Those kids of mine

think I'm just about it.

I've done it! It's the first time

I've ever swum a whole lane!

Congratulations.

I suppose it doesn't count, though,

because there's no water.

-For us there was.

-But that's a lie, isn't it?

No. You see, if you make believe

hard enough that something is true...

...then it is true f or you.

-Let's do it again.

-I gotta be going.

-Oh, come on, please?

-lt's getting late.

-I'm sorry, I'd like to, but...

-lf you're gonna leave, then leave.

I'll give you a ring tomorrow.

About coming over.

-What's the matter?

-I thought you were gonna dive.

You thought I was gonna dive?

There's no water in the pool.

Well, so long again.

Ain't it a b*tch, huh?

You ever seen anything like it?

Fifteen tons, 30, 000 pounds of

structured aluminium and clear plastic.

So there we are, bare-assed,

and we jump in the pool.

It's all steamy and warm, and the

snowflakes are floating down...

...and the hi-fi system is playing

and Grace and I are on our backs...

...just bobbing along

and I says to Grace:

Well, this party has everything,

including a gatecrasher.

I was hoping

you'd be glad to see me.

You never came when I invited you.

Why should I be glad now?

-Well, I thought, better late than never.

-You thought wrong, buster.

As one of your more

distinguished gatecrashers...

...do I rate a drink?

Suit yourself.

-You're new around here, aren't you?

-What do you mean, new?

-lt's just I haven't seen you at parties.

-I haven't seen you neither.

I'll have a gin on the rocks, please.

When you have a chance.

Here I am again, Leroy.

Fill 'er up.

Some big deal, huh?

Boy, you sure gotta like swimming

to go in f or this expenditure.

You look like the type

that goes in f or swimming, huh?

Why not? When the world is

so generously supplied with water.

I'm not a maniac about it. Tell you

the truth, it's murder on my hair.

Lovely hair.

Thank you.

You a neighbour f rom around here?

No.

You a f riend of the Biswangers?

They're not even

on our Christmas card list.

Then what are you?

I'm an explorer.

-No, I mean, what are you doing here?

-I'm swimming home.

You married?

-What's that got to do with it?

-You're divorced? What?

Do you want to come with me?

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