The Tailor of Panama Page #2

I'm talking about a full partnership."

I don't mind saying,

there were tears in my eyes.

You've practically got tears in mine.

Thank you, sir.

I've never heard such a load

of bullshit in my life.

Come and sit down, Harry.

It's all right.

I'm your fairy godmother.

The thing is, Harry,

I know who you are.

More accurately,

I know who you aren't.

- I don't know what you're saying.

- It's all right. Relax.

Because I know. You're 906017 Pendel.

Six years for arson,

served two and a half.

Learnt your tailoring in the slammer.

Insurance scam, wasn't it?

Set fire to a warehouse

for your Uncle Benny.

They caught you

with the matches in your hand.

You've never been near Savile Row.

Braithwaite is your Uncle Benny...

...raised from the dead, born again

and given a size-nine halo.

Upon release, you did a runner to

Panama with your Uncle Benny's help.

Built up a fine business.

Married the daughter of an American

canal engineer. Well-respected man.

But you owe the bank 50,000,

thanks to that farm.

You've put in the shop

and the house as collateral.

Not wise, Harry. Not wise at all.

I can almost hear the creditors

banging on the door.

Who are you?

I'm Andy Osnard.

New boy at the British Embassy,

finding my way around town.

Strictly between us...

...I'm MI.6's man in Panama.

It's dark and lonely work,

like oral sex.

But someone has to do it, Harry.

I'm opening up a little network.

Keeping an eye on the canal.

So, what's that got to do with me?

What gives you

the right to come here...

...sandbag me with my past

after I've paid my debt to society?

Cool down. I'm bonus.

Okay.

What do you want?

Your memory.

Your "rock of eye."

Isn't that the expression? Things you

know and don't even know you know.

Highest prices paid.

Get out. Now.

Off.

Don't be a c*nt, Harry.

We're made for each other.

You have debts, I have money.

Where's your patriotism?

I had it out in prison,

without an anesthetic.

There's five grand there.

Say it's on account of the suits.

Call it "entertainment expenses,"

anything you like, really.

I want us to get on, Harry.

Go on.

Show me around, is all.

Do I have a choice?

Oh, don't put it like that.

It's a game. Let's have some fun, eh?

Hi.

No, nothing much.

Well, sure, if you feel you have to.

- Why not just bring him home?

- I think I'll take him to the club.

Not sure. He's an odd chap.

No, nothing's wrong.

Your voice sounds funny.

He called it a windsock?

Se? Or. Good evening, Mr. Pendel.

- Must have cost a lot to get in here.

- Had to be done.

Hey, Harry, what about my blazer?

Drop by on Tuesday, Luis.

It'll be ready to try on.

Blazers, they all want blazers.

You dress everyone here?

Just about, Andy.

So who are "they"?

Who gets to join?

Basically, 30 ruling families,

their lawyers and their bankers.

And their tailors, I take it.

When the Americans took out

Noriega, I said to myself:

"Harry, they got Ali Baba,

but they missed the 40 thieves."

Well, here they are.

So fill me in.

Nobody ever loses

their reputation in Panama.

They hang it in the closet

for a bit to get its shape back.

When they put it on again,

it's as good as new.

On the dance floor, Rafi Domingo.

Shipping and drugs.

I could f*** that very easily.

- Wouldn't be any pain at all.

- A lot have, Andy.

A lot wish they had, who haven't...

...and one or two have,

who wish they hadn't.

Who are those charmers just come in?

Government ministers

and the money boys who own them.

At the table, bunch of gentlemen

from the loyal opposition.

They come much cheaper, naturally.

Welcome to Panama.

A Casablanca without heroes.

You are pure gold, Harry.

Hey!

Harry!

Mickie.

Harry.

Mickie, I think you're

a touch refreshed!

Please, come and sit down.

"A man should stand on his feet."

Anyone remember that?!

Isn't that the next bit?

"Never on our knees." Right.

Or on our asses.

- So who the f*** are you, my friend?

- I'd like you to meet Andy Osnard.

British Embassy.

Mickie really is a genuine hero, Andy.

One of the few with the guts

to stand up to you-know-who.

Mickie, please sit down.

People are staring.

I don't give a f*** about these fucks.

These are the fucks who kept

that f*** Noriega in power.

You know what I would do...

Mr. Andy, right?

You know what I would do

if I was president?

- What?

- I'd kill every f*** in this room.

All of us.

Look at us. Look at us!

We got everything

God needed to make paradise.

And what do we do?

We sell each other.

We sell our country.

We sell it all away!

Harry, you take him for a walk.

Look at these people, eh!

Look at these people.

You sold your souls,

you don't even know it. Stupid!

If you make any more trouble,

I will never cut you another suit.

Come on. I'll take you home.

Sorry. He's an old friend,

you know.

Hello, Harry.

Se? Or Delgado. Buenos noches.

Canal Commissioner?

He as clean as they say?

Well, my wife thinks so.

Come on, Mickie, what is this?

Come on, Mickie.

You're a good man, Harry.

The only good men left in Panama City

are you and me.

- That's all. You and me.

- Okay, in you go. Come on.

He has heart, Mr. Cool.

Heart.

Come on, now. Call it a night.

So, what's the story with him?

Mickie?

He was my first customer.

Best-looking man in Panama.

A god.

Till Noriega threw him

into prison to shut him up.

Didn't bloody well work, did it?

There's more to Mickie Abraxas

than meets the eye.

Oh, I'm sure there is.

My people don't care

about the glorious past exploits...

...of some shagged-out old wino.

They want the real stuff.

Today's men.

Tomorrow's, not yesterday's.

We're not a f***ing charity

for losers.

I hope I haven't made

a mistake with you.

Don't underestimate Mickie Abraxas.

So?

What if I was to tell you

he's still at it?

At what, exactly?

He's still in there.

The Silent Opposition.

The "Silent Opposition"?

He's never lost touch

with ordinary, decent people.

Deprived people.

People who are tired

of the corruption, the greed.

Do you know what the poor call those?

"The Cocaine Towers."

And our 85 banks?

"The launderettes."

Can we buy him?

Mickie? Never.

But he might allow you

to contribute to the cause.

Uncle Benny, I fill up. I can't stop.

I get the wind in my ears.

You've got the fluence in full flow

and the rock of eye.

But it's a curse

as well as a blessing.

How'd it go?

Fine. I think.

Hey...

...get in here.

Hi.

I missed you.

Wait, I'll take my socks off.

I may be some time.

Mr. Osnard.

Ah, Andrew Osnard.

Nigel Stormont. Francesca Deane.

- Hello.

- Welcome to Panama.

Thank you, ambassador.

Please.

I gather you've been having

a look round already...

...quite extensively.

Yes, indeed. Great spot.

Right up my street.

And how should we describe your

street, Andrew...

...to the curious?

I usually say

I'm in information technology.

Oh, you're one of them.

"A friend."

That's right. I'm a friend.

Oh, my dear, but it's a huge secret.

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