The Tailor of Panama Page #5

I said, "Harry's a tailor. He has

clients from all walks of life."

True.

You'd never meet them

at the Hotel Paraiso.

I had a fitting with Andy.

Andy Osnard.

He's a bit eccentric.

Are you seeing someone?

Me?

You stay out late

and you don't say where.

You come at me like a lover and

then you don't touch me for weeks.

What's going on, Harry?

Who's getting the rest of you?

Uncle Benny, I'm cornered.

There's nothing for it

but to tell her the truth.

She deserves the truth.

Harry-boy, I've told you

time and again:

A man who tells the truth is bound

to be found out sooner or later.

Try sincerity, that's a virtue.

But truth, it's an affliction.

I swear to you on my life...

...there's no other woman.

Never has been. Never will be.

Okay.

Louisa?

I'm a thief in my own home.

But with best intentions.

With a good heart.

For the family.

Like you did for me.

That's true.

You're the apple of my eye, Harry.

Stay shtum, and I'll

always be there for you.

Harry. Harry!

I couldn't sleep.

What do you mean you couldn't sleep?

You were just out cold.

Busy times at the shop, Lou.

So who is this Andy Osnard?

- Tell me about him.

- He's become a bit of a pal...

...as such.

I used to be your pal...

..."as such."

I'd like to meet him.

Why don't you invite him on Sunday?

That's Sarah's birthday.

Why not?

I could look into it.

If you don't want to call him,

I'll call him.

Good.

- And this season's suits

are very thin...

...and it's lined with Panama's

best fabric.

Buchan.

Lady Jane's. Twenty minutes.

That's two-zero minutes.

Over and out.

He's been waiting and complaining.

Sorry, Teddy. Jacket's ready.

Just pop into the fitting room.

Sorry, Jaime, I need this.

In you go, Teddy.

Wow! Even better than I thought.

You look like Bobby De Niro

in this jacket.

Don't schmooze me, Harry.

What's going on?

Little bird tells me

you paid off your overdraft.

Business is good, Teddy.

I smell a story.

There's no story.

You want me to make one up?

Don't. Louisa reads

your gossip column.

I don't want her to know

I owed money.

Come clean.

Probably won't run it.

I'm like that. The more I know,

the less I print.

You know I'll find out

what you're up to...

...don't you?

Well, I had absolutely no idea...

...how delightful

Panama was gonna be.

Yes, it's beautiful country.

I was thinking about the people.

Meant a lot to me,

being able to tag along today.

It's been a real pleasure

to have you along, Andy.

Hasn't it, darling?

Can we go and see the monkeys, Dad?

There's a monkey island.

- We bring bananas for them.

- Wonderful.

- What's my birthday girl say?

- Can Andy come too?

No, Andy needs to stay here

and keep Mommy company.

You go with Dad.

In you go.

Cast off, captain.

So, Andy...

...maybe you wouldn't mind

telling me what you're up to.

Sorry?

There's something between you and my

husband, I know it. I can feel it.

Ever since he's met you, he's

a changed man. Sneaky and secretive.

All of a sudden, I'm his enemy

and you're his friend.

If I didn't know him better,

I'd say you two were gay.

Do you want it straight?

Always.

You'll keep it secret?

If I have to.

And he's told you nothing?

Absolutely nothing?

Zero.

Information is my business. Gossip.

Harry's kind of gossip.

He's smart, he's down-to-earth.

He's got great contacts and no agenda.

Are you talking about spying?

Oh, that's much too heavy a word

for what Harry's doing.

- Are you paying him?

- No money, I'm afraid.

Just the honor

and privilege of service.

Is that why he's been looking

at all my private papers?

Oh, no. Harry.

Oh, bless him.

That really is going too far.

Spying on his own wife.

I'm terribly sorry.

Still, you are the canal, aren't you?

You sit at Ernie Delgado's right hand.

Harry's aware that we're desperate

to know what will become of it.

The canal is always gonna run

the way it's run.

Ernie Delgado will make sure of it.

That's as may be...

...but it's our main artery.

You can't blame us if we need

constant reassurance.

Harry's only trying to help.

Don't...

...use him.

I love him.

As we both do.

I'm going for a swim.

- There's one.

- Where?

- Up there.

- Oh, yeah!

Oh, he's lovely!

So...

Tell me,

how did Harry win your heart?

I was raised in the canal...

...around military types

and engineers like my father...

...and I had never met anyone

like Harry.

He treated me like a princess.

Sent me flowers every day.

Wrote me love letters.

Did he have to get

Arthur Braithwaite's permission?

He called him in London.

He was on his deathbed, the poor man.

Oh, God.

Did he fly over for the funeral?

Arthur forbade it.

Harry was completely wiped out.

I'm sure he was.

So the two of you have lived

happily ever after ever since?

Yeah, until you came along.

Don't you ever feel like...

...breaking out?

Running wild...

...just for the badness?

Never.

Harry is my virtue.

Without him...

...I'd be...

You'd be...

...like Harry without

Arthur Braithwaite.

Well, she's finally asleep.

I think she enjoyed her day.

Yeah, I think so too.

And did you?

Yeah. Kind of.

What did you and Andy

find to talk about?

You, mostly.

Bit of a boring topic, wasn't it?

You're a very surprising person,

Harry Pendel.

After all these years?

Just don't come between me

and Ernie Delgado.

My work is off-limits.

Do you understand?

Okay, Lou. Absolutely.

Done.

Harry.

What?

Make me laugh.

- You've got a gift for it.

- What?

Letting go.

- Few people can.

- You can't, or won't.

No.

- I've been reading your files.

- Oh, those f***ing files.

We know too much about each other.

Kills the romance.

What romance?

Oh, sh*t! Sh*t.

Yes?

Yeah. What?

It's a bit of a bad time, actually.

I didn't know what she knew,

did I?

Well, I'm sure you handled it

like a master.

Look... Hey, I had to think

on my feet, didn't I?

All right.

All right, if you must.

Rendezvous number three.

You know where that is, don't you?

Oh, good.

Twenty-three hundred hours.

Good.

What warrants dragging me out of

the saddle on a Sunday night, eh?

Look, about Louisa.

Some woman, Harry. I envy you.

The way she looks up to you.

You're her moral virtue, her center.

Just like Arthur Braithwaite

was to you, is what she said.

I enjoyed the comparison.

- You say anything?

- Would I ever?

Expect me to tell her that

an old Jew brought me up?

Burned his frocks as a favor?

Hated the old fellow, did you?

- I know this place where we can talk.

- I loved him. I revere him.

Dressed him up as Arthur Braithwaite.

Gave him a good suit.

"Clothes maketh the man,"

and all that.

Come on, let's dance.

Camp it up a bit.

Come on. I'll lead.

So, I gather you've made

no attempt to recruit her so far.

As of now, that is correct.

Seemed perfectly approachable to me.

- Thought I'd have a go at her myself.

- No, don't do that.

Is this what you came to tell me?

Lay off her?

I came to tell you

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