The Talk of the Town Page #4

Plenty of time. I like to break out in

a sweat every time the doorbell rings.

How do you propose we thaw him,

Leopold, with a blowtorch?

Well, we have to give

that some thought.

We have a good start.

- The prettiest woman in Lochester.

- Miss Shelley.

Miss Shelley.

I'm feeling a little tired.

I think I'll get some sleep.

That's just what you need,

plenty of rest.

Yes, it's been quite a day.

This is for you, for being

such a good patient.

Thank you, Miss Shelley.

The professor's custard.

Not now, Joseph. Thank you.

Not at all. I was on my way

to bed anyway.

- Feeling better, professor?

- Much better.

- I'm really very grateful to you both.

- Say nothing of it.

Your cold will thaw. Everything thaws.

Good night, Joseph.

I hope your ankle is better.

Thank you.

Good night, Miss Shelley.

Good night.

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

- Well, what's wrong?

- Well...

- I didn't think you'd be down.

- No, stay as you are.

- The gardener shouldn't eat here.

- Nonsense. Sit, I insist.

- Good morning.

- You sure you should be up?

- Yes, I'm quite well.

- That's good.

- Is there a morning paper?

- I'll see.

No, it hasn't come yet.

Wonderful cook. We're in clover.

I'll take this out of your way.

Well, Joseph, this is very nice

and companionable.

You know, there's a touch of

the philosopher about you that I like.

- And you interest me enormously.

- Good. Good.

- Sit down and have some breakfast.

- Yes, I just must get the coffee.

Wonderful.

- Ever had borscht, professor?

- What's that?

Beet soup with sour cream.

It's a Polish dish.

With an egg in it. Don't let anybody

give it to you without an egg in it.

- We must have some, Miss Shelley.

- Of course.

As soon as I finish my course

in American cooking...

You can buy it

at Mrs. Pulaski's Polish dairy.

Pulaski's. By all means,

let's get some.

Well, here we are, professor.

No!

This is not your egg morning.

Well, you certainly think

of everything, Miss Shelley.

Too bad about your paper. Still, if you

read yesterday's, why read today's?

- Just some more about that man Dilg.

- Dilg?

- Oh, the fugitive from justice.

- Or a miscarriage of justice.

- Your opinion too?

- It'd be yours if you knew Mr. Holmes.

He puts a fellow like Grunstadt

on the bench. Grunstadt takes orders.

- Well, the voters may remove him.

- This corruption is too thick.

That's the way every decent

person around here feels about it.

If feelings influenced law, half the

country would be in jail. Facts.

My dear professor, people wind facts

around each other like pretzels.

Facts alone, that's a nut

without a kernel.

Where's the soul? The instinct?

Where's the warm, human side?

Conduct the law on sentimentality and

you will have violence and disorder.

Your way, you have a Greek statue.

Beautiful, but dead.

All right, two schools of thought.

I see your point of view, theoretically.

In fact, I respect it.

I wish I could

respect yours, professor.

Joseph puts it a little strongly.

He does respect you.

He's for the practical side, the

garden-variety type of human experience.

- Yes, and makes the law up as he goes.

- Out of common sense, yes.

The way I see it, you don't live in this

country, you just take up room in it.

- Now, Joseph.

- That's all right.

- Discussion amongst friends.

- Delightful.

All you know about the American scene

is what you read in magazines.

Somebody else's impressions

hashed up for lazy people.

If you don't feel it yourself,

you've learned nothing.

- Miss Shelley, I am at a total loss.

- That'll do, Joseph, for this morning.

Professor, I challenge you

to make an experiment.

Spend half a day with books and the

other half finding out what people do.

With these indoor habits of yours,

you've got the complexion of gravel.

- You're no oil painting yourself.

- A mummy's closer. They wore beards.

Well, Joseph, what would you suggest?

Well, there's a baseball game today.

Baseball? Baseball!

Joseph, are you crazy?

Baseball? Lightcap?

If I know the habits

of our leading Lochester citizens...

...Professor Lightcap is about to have

an enlightening experience.

Pass the beans.

- Peanuts, peanuts.

- Come on, Dockwoilor. Pickle it!

- Hi, judge.

- Hi.

Hello, judge.

Get your fresh-roasted

Georgia goobers, 10 cents a bag.

- Hello, Your Honour.

- How do you do, sir?

- Hello, Miss Shelley.

- Hello, judge.

- Anything happen?

- Connolly speared a line drive, a beaut.

Professor Lightcap,

this is Judge Grunstadt.

- Lightcap. Why, how do you do, sir?

- How do you...?

- Well, this is a great honour.

- Thank you. Did you say Judge...?

Grunstadt. Doubt you've heard

of me. But your work...

I've read it in the Law Review.

Admired it deeply. Who hasn't?

It's profound. Yes, austere.

Absolutely austere.

Sit down, you're not made of glass.

Yes, indeed. How I envy you, sir.

You work in the quiet of your library

and the world does not interrupt.

That was right across the plate!

But me, I labour in the vineyard.

You've heard of the Dilg case?

- Yes, yes.

- There's luck for you.

First case I've had in 10 years

that drew any outside attention.

Slide, you idiot, slide!

And right in the middle of the trial,

the swine skips out.

- I was preparing a brilliant opinion.

- Before the trail was finished?

- They hadn't brought all the evidence in.

- But he was as guilty as Judas.

- How do you know?

- The clearest thing.

The town malcontent.

Holy terror, even as a boy.

Throw it, throw it, you blockhead!

You consider it ethical to judge a man

without all the evidence?

My dear fellow, he broke jail.

That proves it, doesn't it?

Even a library philosopher

like you would have to admit that.

Miss Shelley, I think we've had

enough baseball for today.

- You're not going.

- I have work to do.

That's too bad.

Great thing, this baseball. Gets the

legal cobwebs out of the brain.

I have this box. Any time

you'd like to see a game...

- Thank you.

- Sit down, will you?

You play very well.

Where did you learn?

My father. He was the kind

of man who resented work.

It interfered with

chess, and argument.

You're a man of many parts.

I look forward to a very

pleasant summer.

- Thank you. Your king is still in check.

- Yes, now, let's see.

Thanks for lending me these slippers.

It's been a relief.

Well, that's good. I'm glad.

- Cosy here, isn't it, Miss Shelley?

- I'm glad you're comfortable, Joseph.

- Did you hear that fool Grunstadt?

- Yes, wasn't it remarkable?

Joseph, Judge Grunstadt was sitting

next to us at the game today.

- I hear he's a very charming man.

- He's an idiot.

Writing an opinion of a case

before hearing the evidence...

Preposterous fake.

- Your rules don't allow that.

- Naturally not.

And what do you do about it?

- I?

- You or anybody.

There's nothing to do.

I can't intrude on the business

of the Superior Court of the county.

So you just turn your face.

Joseph, you don't understand.

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