The Thief Lord Page #8

You may look older,

but has it made you wiser, Thief Lord?

Why don't you try it yourself?

Of course. Why not?

Shake off some years.

Get rid of those aches and pains.

- Sharpen the mind perhaps?

- You do know how to work it?

I do indeed.

Come on, you two.

Signor Barbarossa

wishes to take a ride.

Which, um, animal

should I mount?

I would suggest the lion.

[Grunts, Sighs]

Excellent! I'm ready

for my little test-drive.

You heard Signor Barbarossa.

[Quietly]

Let's give him the ride he deserves.

[Barbarossa]

Not too hard. Just a few turns at first.

Who wouldn't want to

shed a few years, eh?

Good-bye, wrinkles.

Good-bye, saggy tummy.

Good-bye, big, fat, wobbly bottom.

[Laughs]

Hey! No! No! Not so hard!

I'm gonna be sick!

[Whimpering]

- [Electricity Crackling]

- [Screaming]

[Screaming]

[Screaming Continues]

[Rockets Whistling]

[Conte]

No! My merry-go-round! It's ruined!

After all the trouble

we went to!

No. Morosina,

what have we done?

That fat pig!

My God!

That was the ride from hell!

You dolt! You great, fat,

scheming hippopotamus!

You've just destroyed

what I've spent half my life working on!

It wouldn't stop!

Look at what's happened to me!

I'm a respected man!

Can I at least

recommend a better tailor?

[Laughing]

[Gasping]

Oh, Victor, you found him!

Oh, thank goodness.

We were looking for him all night.

[Grunts]

- Is he okay?

- Yeah, yeah. He's fine.

He's just a bit tired.

Where have you been?

At the merry-go-round

with Scip.

- Didn't work, did it?

- Yeah, it did.

Scip's all grown up.

Really? But you're still

my same Prop.

Are you disappointed?

No. I'm happy.

Bottoms up to bella donna

and big nose here!

- [Laughs]

- Big nose? Excuse me?

- Who is this impertinent midget?

- Midget?

I am Ernesto Barbarossa.

I am a successful

and honest businessman...

and enjoy the respect

of this fair city.

And who might you be?

Oh, my God. It's true. It works.

Stop it. You've had enough.

What are you, my father?

You'll do as you're told,

or it'll be straight to bed with no story.

Sorry I had to

bring him here, Ida.

He's afraid of the dark. He didn't want

to stay in the shop on his own.

Shop? Excuse me. Sorry.

I don't understand.

And you? I've heard of growth spurts,

but this is ridiculous.

I mean, what are you?

Your own older brother?

Or the winner of a Thief Lord

look-alike competition or what?

How about your new assistant?

Can someone please explain

what's going on here...

before I start drinking port

for breakfast as well?

Look. It's only me.

Just a bit taller and older.

Bo! Where did Victor find you?

- In the Stella.

- Ah.

Of all the places

we never thought to look. The Stella.

And now you're back. That's

the most important thing. So is Prop.

He went to the merry-go-round,

and it works like I always said.

It really worked? No way.

So, this is the little

gang of criminals.

The sooner we put you all

behind bars, the better.

- Oh, there he is, the little runaway.

- He's staying with me.

- Mmm. As you keep telling us.

- Get out of the way.

- No!

- Give me my son!

- He's not your son, you skanky old bat!

- [Gasps]

How dare you speak to my wife

like that, you little monster?

[Shouting]

Get off!

Get off me!

[Prosper]

Leave him alone, you big bully!

[Riccio]

Grab his ear!

Oh!

- Enough!

- [Trigger Clicks]

[Breathing Heavily]

Now...

just hand over your brother,

and we'll forget this ever happened.

- It doesn't work, snot nose.

- Oh, really?

[Giggles]

Would you like to find out?

[Clicks]

- [Laughs]

- [Gunshot]

[Shrieks]

[Whimpering]

- Now look what you done, you stupid child!

- Leave him alone!

He's six years old, and he's got more sense

than the pair of you put together!

It was an accident!

He- He said it didn't work!

I suggest you

put the gun down.

Leave. Leave here. Leave Venice,

and leave these boys alone.

You're not fit to look after

a tortoise, never mind a child.

Now get out,

before I call the police.

[Whimpering]

[Whimpering Continues]

- [Door Slams]

- Wow. That certainly told them.

See what I mean

about being a grown-up?

How am I supposed to sleep

with all this noise?

[Groans]

Does anybody have an aspirin?

Only speak

when you're spoken to.

They better be rich,

and I mean filthy rich.

Now do try to keep

a straight face, Ida.

Good afternoon.

[Irish Accent]

Monsignor and I...

are the principals

of the orphanage...

of the Merciful Sisters.

How can we help you?

We understand you're looking

for child to adopt.

We have conducted some research,

and we have concluded that

you are of impeccable character.

Oh, thank you.

Forgive our presumptuousness,

but we saw an opportunity...

for little Ernesto...

to find the happiness

of a loving home.

- What an adorable little fellow you-

- [Burps]

Oh, what do you say, Ernesto?

- Scusi?

- Oh. [Chuckles]

[Riccio]

Whoo-hoo!

Man, it's even more

than the fake stuff.

Can you count up 50,000?

What am I, Einstein?

And we return the fake money

to Barbarossa.

Sixty. Eighty.

Maybe a little bonus.

The deal

was 50 grand.

Okay, 50 grand.

Interest.

Tax.

Expenses.

- [Chuckles]

- [Chuckles]

[Scipio]

Has everybody got their share now?

- Uh, everybody except you.

- I'll use it to buy you this boat...

and then put the rest of it

in bank accounts for each of you.

Bank accounts? What next?

My midlife crisis?

I want to buy this boat.

How much do you want for it?

7,000.

- [Scipio] Is it seaworthy?

- Certainly. It's just been refitted.

It looks as seaworthy

as a rubber duck.

- I'll give you five.

- Six.

Five, five.

Done. Let me get the deed.

Now, don't go tearing around

Canal Grande at night in this thing.

- Uh, and what would give us that idea?

- I expect you to behave.

Hey, that's a laugh

coming from you, Thief Lord.

- Taxi.

- Taxi! Taxi!

- Taxi! Here.

- Taxi! Over here.

[Max]

Taxi. Taxi.

Taxi. Taxi. Tax-

[Shrieks]

#...#...[Man Singing Opera]

[Shrieking]

#...#...[Continues]

- [Cheering]

- Check out our boat.

Just test-driving

the new water wheels.

[Mosca Cheering]

- I'm gonna go look for my dad.

- [Laughs]

Hey, boss.

I'll see you tomorrow in the office.

Come on, Mosca. Let's go!

- Victor?

- Yeah?

What's Bo and I

supposed to do now?

- What do you mean?

- What about me?

I know what I wanna do.

Stay with Ida.

Well, he's right, of course.

You can't leave me now.

I just rattle around

in that big old house.

Victor, say something.

Tell them they can't leave.

Okay, you heard her.

You have to stay.

I think we'd make

quite a family.

- What?

- Victor, Victor! Say yes! Say yes!

- Whoa!

- [Ida Laughing]

[Victor]

Whoa!

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