The Third Half Page #2

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Czechoslovakia, Poland...

All nice countries

crushed by the Krats.

Never trust people who eat

pork with marmalade!

Germany is a civilization centuries

ahead of your slow brain, Pancho.

- You really like them, Dimitriy?

- At least they'll bring order,

so the trains won't be

breaking down every minute.

And besides, I like Germans a

hundred times better than these...

...vultures!

- Seems like our guy.

- Let's make an impression!

- Mr Pavlov?

- How do you do, Mr Spib?

My name is Dimitriy of the

Macedonia Football Club.

And these are our players.

Gents! This is our new coach,

Mr Spitz from Germany.

Could someone give me a

hand with this trunk?

But of course!

Goohl! Pancho!

It's always us that get shafted.

This way, Mr Spib.

This crap weighs a ton!

Like he's packed the dead

Kaiser himself in here!

I heard that! You'll be sitting on the

bench for the next three matches!

Ladies and Gentlemen! King Kong,

the Eight Wonder of the World!

A giant ape against

the rest of the humanity!

The latest American hit in our town!

Only for people with nerves of steel!

That was amazing! I still

don't get how they made it.

It wasn't a real monkey,

it was just a dummy.

A giant dummy falling off a

building with a life-size blonde

in his hand? - Come on Jamilia!

All monkeys fall for blondes!

- What's happened?

- My heel. I think it's broken.

Here they are! Two rolls of

first class leather.

- We have a deal now?

- What deal?

?hat do you mean

"what deal'? Keep one"

and use the other one to

make boots for our team.

- Don't worry, they're brand new.

- That's exactly what worries me.

- What's this?

- What?

- An Army seal.

- What Army?

The Mexican Army!

Don't play dumb with me!

It's the seal of the

Royal Serbian Guard.

Do you know what will happen

to this store if they find stolen

- military property in here?

- Come on! You could cut off

that piece and make

the boots with the rest.

Cut the crap, Count!

Don't teach me my business!

Keep an eye on the store.

And try not to nick anything!

- You again?!

- Oh, hello Miss Ramona!

Let's go! - Don't make a

fuss! Yt'll only take a minute.

I'll wait outside. There's no

fresh air in here... Bumpkin!

One customer less. What

can I do for the other?

- I'd like to have my heel repaired.

- Your heel? We're heel experts!

Who made these? Yt'll take

a bit of time to fix them.

In the meantime, why don't we

go for a coffee? - Yn that case.

- I'll come by some other time.

- Well, how about I lend you

another pair of shoes, so you

don't go home barefoot? And I'll

- deliver these ones tomorrow.

- That's kind of you, but...

How about these ones?

They're so chic!

- Italian stilettos. Very expensive.

- On the house!

Such beautiful stockings

don't belong in slippers.

A footballer, a decorator,

a cobbler... What next?

Next is why don't you

walk these shoes over

to our stadium sometime?

We practice every afternoon.

Rumor has it you always lose.

You done? - I'm coming

Jamilla! Give me a break'.

Hustler!

So when can I pick up my shoes?

I'll bring them to you.

Just say where.

And if I don't say where,

will I get to keep these?

Only if we walk

them together sometime.

To that muddy stadium? Ys that

the best you can offer a lady?

How about a movie? There's

one with a giant monkey.

It's not a real monkey it's a

dummy. Like a giant doll, get it?

Sure. A doll. Just like you.

I stroll down the promenade

every Thursday afternoon.

- Praised be Jesus.

- Forever, amen.

How are you feeling, Mother?

The doctor said you can't

eat solid food anymore,

so Ive made you a little broth.

We both know Ive never

been much of a cook.

I found the recipe

in a newspaper...

What happened with

the newspaper?

What do you mean?

They bring us newspapers

every day,

but I haven't seen your

column in them for a while.

Oh, that... You know how

they are - I got suspended!

Although I am partly to blame

myself. Missed a few deadlines.

- You lost your job?

- I didn't lose the job, Mother.

I've been suspended

for a month, that's all.

With the new coach I hardly

have time to breathe.

Wait till you meet him.

A true German!

Your father sweated blood for

sixteen years in American mines

to earn money for your studies.

We sacrificed our best years

to make you an educated man,

to drag you out of this gutter...

And now you waste it

on that folly!

Football is not a folly,

Mother! Yt's a princely sport.

A real prince would find himself

a princess, start a family...

Look at you! Living alone

like a dog.

Who's going to take care

of you when I die, my son?

You don't get it, Mother.

One day, football will become

the most important thing

in the world.

The freedom of your movement

is limited by rules and regulations.

And then? - And then we went to

the promenade. I bought her a soda.

Eh, soda! - Yf you break those

rules you create anarchy.

So what? Ive got no money

for a restaurant.

I promised Father Kiril

no more stealing till Easter.

No worries! This guy will have

us all drop dead by Easter!

But if you know how

to stretch the rules,

then you make

magic on the pitch!

Faster!

- Come on, faster!

- Up the tempo, guys! Tempo!

Then what? - And then we

talked about our signs...

- What signs?

- Horoscope signs.

Like, I'm a Sagittarius

and she's a Virgo.

But you're not Sagittarius,

you're Cancer.

Yeah, but she said she

preferred Sagittarians.

Modern football is based

on the same principles

as the seven Bushido virtues

of the Japanese samurai:

Loyalty, courage...

And then? - And then I

walked her home.

- You didn't ty to kiss her?

- No.

You jumped on my cousin

Maria on your first date,

and you didn't even

smooch this one?

This one's not that

type of girl.

And what type of a girl

is my cousin Maria?!

Persistence and stamina,

not gossiping!

Take a break, Pancho, the

polenta's almost gone cold.

Don't bug me, woman!

I'm being conditioned here!

Same thing in our house. I can

never get my son to eat polenta.

That's not my son

that's my husband!

And who's got two

left feet now?

Left and right! Keep tying!

Concentration, Pancho!

It's like the tango,

left-kick, right-kick...

Write that since I met her

I cannot... - A cliche!

But it's true! - Doesn't matter

it still sounds like a cliche.

Okay, how would you put it?

I'd start with something

more original, like.

"Dear Rebecca, thy beauty recalls

those Nicene pillars of yore..."

- What's that? - A poem.

- Not that, the pillars?

Oy! What are you mo

waiting for? An invitation?

Afrika, what was that

word again?

Menu la cake. That

would definitely impress her.

But only if you pronounce

it with a French accent.

- And the other one?

- Vors d'evar.

That's the drink? - No, you

moron! That's the food.

- The drink is afteritif.

- Afteritif, afteritif...

If he gets used to five balls,

he'll easily handle a single one!

Just like the Krauts bombing

London:
Five bombs per building!

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