The Three Musketeers Page #3

Will you be staying here tonight?

He'll be taking your bed, Planchet.

Right, and so I'll be sleeping...

You may take the balcony.

Outside? The balcony outside in the cold?

With birds shitting on my head all night?

Great, can I just say you...

Wine! Wine!

- Wine! Wine! Wine! Wine!

- Yes! Of course! Wine it is, sirs!

Check.

This is a ridiculous game.

Surely the King

should be the most powerful piece?

The King is the most important piece.

But he's vulnerable, he needs protection.

May I suggest you castle him?

Checkmate.

There. What do you think of that?

Your Majesty is a force of nature.

- Took you by surprise, eh?

- Yes, indeed, you did.

May we speak a little about foreign policy?

- It's not about Buckingham, is it?

- Oh, I'm afraid it is.

He's arriving in Paris tomorrow.

His master, King James, has agreed

to hear our peace proposal.

Good, good. Well, he knows better

than to mess with me, then.

There's also another matter.

A dangerous rivalry has sprung

between Your Majesty's Musketeers

and my personal guards.

Who was involved?

Athos, Porthos, Aramis.

The usual suspects.

And a young man called D'Artagnan.

I have summoned them to the palace so that

Your Majesty can punish them severely.

His Majesty, the King!

Well, well, well.

Brawling with the Cardinal's guards.

That's very bad.

What have you got to say for yourselves?

- We...

- Humbly beg your pardon, Your Majesty.

Yes.

Yes, I should hope so, too.

So, tell me, how many

were involved in the altercation?

There were four of us against 40 of them,

Your Majesty.

Four against 40?

And you beat them like a drum?

And, yes, you shall have to be reprimanded,

of course,

most harshly, I'm afraid.

- You do understand that, don't you?

- We do, Your Majesty.

Her Majesty, the Queen.

Anne.

What a... What a pleasant surprise!

My ladies and I wanted to see

the valiant Musketeers

who stood against the Cardinal's guards.

Four against 40?

Or was it 400?

Just 40, Your Majesty.

Lt was an off day.

That's my Musketeers for you.

By the time they write songs about them,

it'll be 4,000.

I hope you won't be too harsh with them.

After all, boys will be boys.

You must be D'Artagnan.

My lady in waiting has told me about

how brave and dashing you were yesterday.

But you must try not to be so reckless.

Can't help myself, Your Majesty.

- Your Majesty, the culprits.

- Ah! Yes, yes.

Well, stand up, then.

Athos.

Porthos.

Aramis.

Forgive me for saying this, D'Artagnan,

but you do look a little underdressed.

My father is a poor man, Your Majesty.

A former Musketeer as well.

These are the only clothes I have.

Oh, Lord.

We shall have to rectify that.

Can't have my Musketeers,

or the son of one, looking like tramps.

New suits all around, I think.

Yes. You'll see to that, Cardinal?

And, yes, I think a purse of gold for each

as a reward for your courage.

You'll see to that as well, Cardinal.

And, yes, before I forget,

no more fighting

with His Eminence's guards.

Hmm?

Or there'll be none of them left.

Your Majesty, might I suggest a more...

Forgive my impudence, Cardinal,

but I doubt the King

requires your advice in this matter.

After all, they are his Musketeers.

Good day, gentlemen.

Well, now,

off with you rascals.

But be there for the parade tomorrow.

New suits and all.

I tire of these royal children.

Lt's time to make our move.

We shall use Buckingham's arrival

to our advantage.

During his visit, we will reveal

that he arranged a secret rendezvous

with the Queen.

May I inquire how Your Eminence

has uncovered this scandalous affair?

By reading Buckingham's letters

to the Queen, found in her possession.

Written in Buckingham's hand,

then authenticated by his seal?

A woman of your talents

should have no trouble procuring either.

Hmm. Your Eminence is too kind.

However, I doubt that the King

will accept such letters

as definitive proof of

his wife's indiscretion.

Then we shall provide him

with something a bit more substantial.

A piece of the Queen's jewelry given

to Buckingham as a token of affection.

Buckingham will be humiliated.

The King will be outraged.

The Queen will be executed.

France will have no

choice but to go to war.

And in times like these, France will

naturally turn to a stronger leader.

Someone better equipped to rule a nation

than a cuckolded teenager with a grudge.

Hmm.

Someone like Your Eminence.

About face!

Well, where is he, then?

Lt's just appalling manners.

Drop anchor!

Anchor aweigh!

Damn his impudence!

What is that thing called

anyway, Richelieu?

An airship, Your Majesty.

- Why don't I have one of those?

- An oversight on our part.

Right, right. Well, build me one.

Secure the lines!

All lines secured!

Buckingham.

Blue.

Oh.

Your Majesty.

Love the outfit.

Very retro.

We were all wearing those in London,

when was it, last year or the year before?

Lord Buckingham, I trust your journey

wasn't too uncomfortable.

Not at all. No.

On the contrary.

Handles like a dream and keeps me

one step closer to heaven.

Cardinal.

Of course, being a servant of God,

you have no need for such crude devices.

King James is most eager

to hear your peace proposal.

- Lord Buckingham.

- Anne.

Your Majesty.

I must say your beauty is far more radiant

than I remember.

You've met before?

A long time ago.

An evening I shall cherish forever.

Right. Well, shall we?

Now this is a pleasant surprise.

Another acquaintance of yours, I see.

We've met, yes.

As I recall, last I saw you,

you were on your knees as well.

Most unfortunate habit.

Lt's a habit I shall have to break

during our next encounter.

I look forward to it.

In the meantime, shall we talk peace?

You must pass me the name

of your interior decorator.

Wine?

I don't drink.

What about that rather nice bottle of

Bordeaux in your middle left-hand drawer?

You must pass me the name

of your spy in the palace.

And yours in mine.

England cannot afford a war on two fronts.

Both our nations

are stretched to breaking point.

A peace treaty would be

of immense strategic advantage.

Whose advantage? Yours?

Ours.

I have a feeling my new war machines

will readdress the balance.

Very impressive.

And march!

Left, left, left, right, left!

Hold your line!

Halt!

About face!

Stay where you are!

This is the Queen's wing.

You can't be up here.

Oh, thank goodness.

I got so lost. I took a wrong turn

and then a door slammed behind me.

I've been trapped up here, in the sun,

in this heat.

- It's going to be all right.

- Oh, I'm gonna faint.

- You're in safe hands.

- Thank you.

And march!

Halt!

You can't shoot. They'll hear you.

Shh!

Wait for it!

Left, left!

Constance! Constance!

Hey, hey, excuse me!

Pardon, Your Majesty.

This will only take a moment.

What are you doing here?

His Majesty wants a word with me.

Imagine that.

Yes, lovely. Now, excuse me.

I was...

I was thinking, after I'm finished

with His Majesty, maybe we could talk?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes