The Thrill of It All Page #7

- Where did the pool come from?

- You must be chilled to the bone.

It's a heated pool. How did it get here?!

- Please don't shout.

- I have to to be heard over that bilge pump!

- It's a filter.

- I know what it is.

- I want to know how it got in my back yard!

- Please be quiet. I'll tell you.

- Why get so excited, darling?

- Excited?

I just drove my car into a swimming pool!

Gerald? You always said you wanted a pool.

Don't you think I should be consulted

before you spend $5,000 of our money?

Oh, so that's what it is. Darling,

I didn't spend one cent of our money.

Oh, I see. It's come to that!

- Come to what?

- "Our" money and "your" money.

Well, let me tell you.

This is still our house

and our back yard and our children,

and when we build a swimming pool,

it will be built with our money.

And what is our money?

Our money is what I earn by being a doctor.

Oh, and what I've earned is not ours?

- It's yours!

- Oh!

I'm not allowed to participate

in this household?

What's mine is mine

and what's yours is ours?

- If you like.

- Well, I don't like.

Whatever happened to my rights

as a woman?

I'll tell you what happened.

They grew and grew until they suffocated

my rights as a man.

Whoever said all men are created equal

didn't anticipate a woman making $100,000

a year to spend on swimming pools.

I did not spend it on swimming pools!

You're gonna wake the children.

Good! Lt'll give 'em a chance

to get reacquainted with their mother.

By the way, how many minutes

did they see you today?

Many more minutes

than they've seen you, Dr Boyer.

Oh, I gotta hand it to you.

Now you have finally done it.

Done what?

Succeeded in equating the delivery of

a baby with the delivery of a commercial.

Oh!

- What are you doing?

- Filling this suitcase with my clothes.

Oh, really? Well, I'll help you.

And I'm gonna continue until you give up

this asinine career

and go back to being a wife.

- "Go back to being a wife"?

- Yes!

- That's mine! Give me that!

- This husband likes to see his wife.

And not staring at him from a billboard

or looking up at him from a magazine ad.

I want to see her in person and often.

- Are you giving me an ultimatum?

- Yes, damn it!

Well, that's just fine.

You can see me on page 41!

- You might need this.

- You can reach me at the office.

If you get tired of kissing soap!

You ask her.

But her eyes are closed. Mommy said never

to wake her if her eyes are closed.

- They're not closed tight. Look.

- They look tight.

There's a little slit in this one. See?

- I don't see no slit.

- Right there.

Oh, now I see it. It's a big slit.

Mm.

- Good morning.

- Good morning, Mommy.

- Are you awake?

- What is it?

Can we go out and play in the snow?

Do we have to put

our snow suits on, Mommy?

- M-hm.

- Will you go help us build a snowman?

- What?

- A snowman.

Andrew, there's no snow, sweetheart.

- Yes, there is. Out in the backyard.

- It didn't snow in the front.

- Honest, Mommy.

- Honest, Mommy. Come and look.

Mommy's so tired.

Oh.

Do I have to do this? Huh?

What is out here, now?

What are you showing me?

What? What is this?

It's slippery.

What is this? Oh! Where are you?

Come out of here.

Come on! It's... Oh! Come on here!

Ach, du liebe...!

Ach! Ach!

Oh!

Was ist?

Coming!

- Oh. Hello.

- Hiya.

- Did you call about the stuff?

- Yes. It's in the backyard. Around there.

I know it's none of my business, lady,

but how did you happen to get three

truckloads of potatoes in your backyard?

- Potatoes?

- Says so right here. "Pick up spuds."

- Oh, no, that's a mistake.

- I figured it was.

What kind of a nut would have three

truckloads of spuds in their backyard?

- No, it's suds.

- Suds?

Suds.

It's beautiful!

Yeah, it's... it's like heaven.

That's the closest

to heaven you'll ever get.

- It's a shame to bust the thing up.

- Look at the different shapes.

That has an angel with wings.

- Hey, yeah.

- That looks like one of Santy's reindeers.

- Hey, there's a naked lady.

- Where? Where? Where?

- Ah, the wind blew the best parts away.

- Aw.

Look, guys. You two

take the angel with the wings.

You two, take that reindeer.

- I'll take the naked lady.

- Oh!

- Careful of this stuff.

- I love this kind of work.

This is the best-smellin' garbage

I ever handled.

Hey, I lost the lady's head.

Wait a minute. Here it is.

- Hey, how do you keep it on the shovel?

- Watch it, Louie.

Pardon me. Do you know

if they're sending the crane over?

- You kidding? This stuff ain't heavy.

- Oh, not for this.

- There's a car at the bottom of the pool.

- A car.

- Yes.

- You mean like an automobile?

- Exactly.

- How did you ever manage...?

I can't go into it now

but it's down there. Believe me.

Hey, guys, the lady says

there's a car at the bottom of the pool.

- No foolin'! A regular car?

- A regular car.

- How 'bout that. What kind of car is it?

- A convertible.

And you can't miss it.

It's the only one down there.

She probably overloaded

her washing machine.

They tell you not to but some people

just don't read the boxes.

M- hm.

All right, stand back, folks.

We're gonna haul her up.

OK, Charlie! Take her up!

Oh, good morning, Dr Ehrlich.

M- hm.

Oh, er, er,

just spent the night in a hotel.

M- hmm.

Miss Thompson. Miss Thompson?

- Yes, Doctor?

- Could I borrow a match, Doctor?

- Oh, certainly.

- Thank you.

Oh, I'm sorry. Your matches.

Huh. I had matches in my pocket

all the time. What do you think of that?

- What do you think of it?

- What do I think of it?

Oh! You mean

what's the hidden psychiatric meaning

behind my borrowing a match

when I already had matches?

Well, I'd call it absent-mindedness.

I'm sure that you would

diagnose it as, er,

a convenient subconscious attempt

for me to come in here and chat with you.

Do you have a minute, Doctor?

M- hm.

- Hallo?

- It's only me, Mrs G.

Hi.

Am I welcome?

Welcome home, darling!

Forgive me?

- Forgive you?

- M-hm. For acting like a Victorian fool?

For refusing to accept the fact

that you have a career?

- Oh, darling, do you mean that?

- Of course I do.

Oh!

Naturally, I'll have to

readjust my life a bit.

You'd readjust your life for me?

You're my wife, aren't you?

Oh, yes, darling, I am.

Sweetheart, I've got to get back

to the office.

- Oh.

- I've got patients waiting.

- I don't want you to go.

- I must.

Would you come home early?

I'll bake you something special.

With r-r-r-r-rum.

Rrrrrr.

Oh, not tonight, honey.

I forgot. I'm sorry.

I've been invited to this bachelor party.

One of the residents at the hospital...

- Oh, darling, do you have to go?

- Honey, I have to. It's a bore but...

- You don't need a tuxedo.

- It's a formal bachelor party.

So long, sweetheart.

Better not wait up for me.

- Bye.

- OK.

Here.

And away we go.

- Where did Herr Doctor go?

- To readjust his life.

Ah! So. Good.

Would you care for a picture, sir?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes