The Trouble with the Truth Page #10

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the motions of making all the arguments

why we shouldn't do that and, uh, pretend

that I didn't want to, and you could make the case

that nothing's gonna happen and you're gonna be

a perfect gentleman and I could pretend

to think about it and you could push

a little bit harder, and then, after 20 minutes

of phony deliberation, we could go to the hotel room. Exactly. So let's just save

the 20 minutes, get the wine,

and go back to the room. [ Elevator bell dings ] Here we are.

It's 413. Have you ever gotten lucky

in 413? -413?

-Uh-huh. -You know, this could be...

-[ Laughs ] ...the first time

I've been in here. Unh. What? Sure. Now, come here.

Watch this. -[ Latch clicks ]

-Magic touch. -Wow.

-Wow. This -- This Palmer

is something, huh? Uh-huh. Want me to open the wine? Would you? -Oh. [ Laughs ]

-I'm gonna -- I'm gonna use

your men's room here. [ Slow music plays ] [ Exhales deeply ] [ Water running ] [ Inhales deeply ] Whew. [ Toilet flushes ] Hey. Wow.

Oh, thank you. Cheers. I didn't know

you had a roommate. [ Laughs ] I like the hairdo. -[ Laughing ] Yes, it's --

Yeah. -It's an interesting place.

-Oh, look at this. D-Does your, um, publisher

reimburse, uh... if you watch porno? Well, Bob, uh... -even if he doesn't,

-Mm-hmm? ...I'll buy you

any kind of porno you want. No, no, no. You see, skin flicks

are another thing that just -- They just

aren't what they used to be. Wait. Do you remember when we

went to see that movie, um... "The Opening

of Misty Beethoven?" Of course.

How could I forget it? It was our third date, and I thought

you were a complete perv. [ Laughs ] Yeah, until you saw

the movie, as I recall, and then you appreciated it

for its -- No, come on.

They had writers in those days. They had serious stories. They had plots and subplots,

and I keep thinking they're gonna reinvent

the wheel, but no. Come on.

If there's another, uh... Mitchell brothers or Russ Meyer

out there, I-I sure as hell don't know

where they are. Well, I hate

to burst your bubble, baby, but I don't think

it's gonna happen. I teach this creative writing

class to these undergrads, and I overheard

these two girls talking about how they make their

boyfriends shave their...package so that they look

more like porno stars. No. Ever since hard-core

hit the Internet, the genie's out of the bottle. -It's not coming back.

-Ohh, man. Well, that's

the death of romance. [ Laughing ]

The death of romance? The death of romance. Please. Come on. That's the death --

What are you doing? You're checking your messages? You trying to see

if Jack called? -No. I know. No.

-Well, okay. -I just wanted to see what --

-I'm out of here. No, I wanted to see

what time it is. It's 2:00. I can't believe you kept me out -this late.

-Okay. -It's beyond my bedtime.

-"This late?" Okay. Here's what. Old lady's in bed at like 10:00. No, no, no, no.

Let me say something. You can try to paint

this picture of yourself, okay, as the Amish housewife, but

I'm just not buying it, okay, because people don't change

that much, and you haven't changed at all. Okay, maybe just a little bit

for the better. -Oh, you're a big liar.

-No. If anything,

I've changed for the worse. No. No. Tonight?

Come on, with me you're great. You're sweet. You're funny.

You're generous. You're kind. Now. Now, because I'm not with you. Remember when I was with you?

I was possessive. I was petty. I was jealous. I was awful all the time. -Mnh-mnh, no.

-When I'm friends with somebody, I can be generous and funny -and let things go and be open.

-[ Laughs ] But when I really care about

someone, I become someone else. Yeah, well, see, yeah,

but all women are like that. Why do you think I'm single? EMILY: [ Sighs ] Why is it so easy to be at our

worst with those who we love? -Because they'll put up with it.

-[ Scoffs ] -What?

-That's depressing! -I know, but it's true.

-Let's change the subject. You are a little bit hard

on yourself, because when I'm sitting

right here, okay, you haven't changed a bit. All right, well,

maybe not on the inside, but on the outside,

I don't even recognize myself. -Oh, stop.

-Really, it's gross. -Everything's falling.

-Oh, God. When I was a little girl --

I keep thinking about this -- I went

to my grandma's birthday party, and she was 47. And that seemed so old. And now I'm almost there... and I barely feel like an adult. Okay. Oh, fine, fine.

Okay. I haven't felt

like I was an adult for years. No, I feel less like an adult

every day. I think the last time,

I was like 17 or something. Seriously. 17. And then, since then, it's been

a constant state of regression. I mean, mentally,

I'm like Mork from Ork. You remember that show and

how the people from planet Ork were born old and

they got progressively younger. And when Mork and Mindy

had a baby, it was played

by Jonathan Winters? No, but keep going.

You're getting somewhere. -I know you are.

-Oh, what I'm saying is that those writers were on

to something 'cause that's me. That's how I feel.

That's -- Every day, I'm less and less

sure, you know. I'm less and less defined. You know, because, like,

when I was 20 -- When I was Jenny's age,

all right, I knew -- I knew exactly -- I knew --

I could feel it, okay, that I was gonna be one of

the -- one of the jazz greats. I didn't have a doubt

in my mind. Art Tatum

and -- and -- and Bud Powell and Erroll Garner, come on. Those were my --

Those were my role models, but I thought my future peers. And then I'm 30, and...

[ Sighs ] Well, you know,

it hasn't quite happened yet, but I'm kind of relaxed

about that. I'm thinking

okay, the pressure's off. I'm not a enfant terrible.

I'm not a wunderkind. You know, I'm not a prodigy,

but okay, I'll just do it on my own time

and my own timetable. And then 50 kicks in,

and I'm not one of them yet, and I'm kind of realizing

that I never will be that great, you know, 'cause I'm not. I'm not a...genius. I'm -- I'm okay, you know. I don't have the chops,

but I love it. But it's too late

to do anything about it. I can't change careers now. So I finally --

I figured out, you know, just give up on the long-range

goals, you know. Just focus

on the immediate stuff, like getting beautiful women

into bed and drinking fine wine. So, now I'm like a teenager

but without the ambition. EMILY: [ Chuckles ]

You know what? I think I'm regressing, too. My next contract

is for a children's book. Instead of maturing,

I just want to write about the things I liked

when I was a little girl. Okay, so, that's perfect.

That's good. I have always thought

that if you're a writer, a musician, whatever,

you should focus on the stuff that you loved

when you were a kid. That's your inspiration. That's who you were -- pure and unadulterated,

before you were like 20, and then you get all,

you know, intellectual. And you got to be careful

with this stuff when you're -- when you're 20. Hmm. You know what I liked

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