The Trouble with the Truth Page #6

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-Oh, come on. You played

the Playboy Jazz Festival. -Yeah.

-You -- You recorded... -...with Miles Davis.

-Decades ago. Come on. I want you to tell me,

what do you think happened? Well... You didn't play the game. You never saw music

as a business. And you're too much of a purist. Yeah. Some purist. And now I'm barely getting by

by playing Celine Dion songs for fat tourists

from Moosedick, Montana. EMILY: You know what I think

your real downfall was? What? Women. Yeah, okay.

No argument there. EMILY: Hmm.

No, I'm serious. I think you spent too much time

chasing girls, not enough on your art. Split your focus. Oh, come on, you talk like I was

Jimmy Page or somebody, constantly banging groupies

on the road in hotel rooms. -You weren't?

-Oh. [ Scoffs ] If you'd seen some of the dumps

that I stayed in when I was on the road --

No, no. I never would've taken women

back there. [ Scoffs ] Yes, I forgot

about your high standards. Hey, you, of all people,

would appreciate the allure of a nice environment

for your trysts. Or are you gonna tell me now that while you were

cuckolding me with Jack that, uh...

you were staying in rooms in the, what,

the Van Nuys Motel 6? [ Laughs ] Well played, sir. -Very well played.

-Mm, thank you. -Awesome.

-Yes, thank you. And I see that the alcohol

is having the desired effect. You are finding

my resentful barbs amusing rather than insulting. No, no. They're still insulting.

I just think it's amazing that you're lecturing me

on fidelity. -That's what's amusing.

-No, no, no. I was never the cocksman

that you think I was. No. And if the truth

were to be told, I think that we're probably even

on this score. I think

you probably cheated on me as many times as I did on you. -Yes. Okay, fine.

-That's really funny. Fine, no, okay.

Let's fess up. Let's -- Okay. I'll tell you if you tell me. How many? Does that include Jack? Of course it includes Jack.

What do you think? I thought maybe since I married

him, it wouldn't count. Are you crazy?

I mean, what are you smoking? Jack should count for double. Ah. Okay. You go first. I bet you don't

even remember how many. Of course I can remember

how many. Four. Four.

What, we're talking about -- What, how many times

while we were married, right? Okay, four. No, in 14 years. And I know that's nothing

to brag about, but I bet a lot of people

have a worse record. -[ Laughs ]

-What? You must think I'm the most

gullible person on the planet. I mean, what about that time you took that gig on that

cruise ship for four months? There must've been four

on that one. No, no, no.

The -- The only woman I took to bed

on that cruise ship was Joyce Carol Oates. -Oh, yeah, this --

-Yeah. No, when I wasn't playing,

I was in my room reading. Oh, I'm supposed to believe this from "Mr. FMS --

'Fraid I'll Miss Some--" Hey. I am not -- No --

a chimpanzee. I can control myself --

as I did with the steak -- when I want to. Okay. Let's start with four. -Oh.

-Okay? Audrey. I never slept with Audrey. Oh, come on. No.

No, I was attracted to her. I was tempted, but, no,

that...never happened. Okay, how come you didn't deny

it when I confronted you, when that whole thing happened? -Come on.

-[ Sighs ] I knew that you were looking

for a way out. And I figured

I'd give it to you. I knew how unhappy you were,

and I... knew that you were unhappy, you know, still living

like a sh-- f***ing broke college student, raising Jenny in that stupid

little apartment in the Valley. I knew that I could never

give you what you deserved, and I knew that Jack

was interested in you, and... I decided to give you both

the excuse that you needed. Are you serious? Yes. Wow. I don't know what to say. Yeah. Well, it's water

under the bridge. Hey. [ Whistles ] [ Stammers ] I didn't mean

for the conversation to come

to a screeching halt. Why didn't... Why didn't you tell me? You know something? It takes some of the nobility

out of the act if you take credit for it. [ Laughs ] Why are you telling me now? Well, why do you think?

I want to take credit for it. God... Robert, I mean...

[ Laughs ] No, look, I-I-I don't think that I was ever very happy

being tied down. I-I think that I was looking

for a way to get out, too. I-I certainly didn't know how

to be a good husband, and I -- and I never really understood

how to be a good father. I think we blew it. I don't know. See, I think that you and I

have always thought that the grass was greener

on the other side, and that's one of the reasons why we were never happy

being married. Ah.

You were never happy. Well, you know what I mean. No, I don't, because I was. I really was most of the time. Okay, so, "happy"

is probably not the right word. "Satisfied." You know

this Warren Zevon song -- "I'm Always Looking

for the Next Best Thing"? That was us. That was us. I don't think that you can have

a successful marriage if you always have one eye out

looking for... the next best thing. Okay? I mean, I was looking

for a way to get out. You were looking

for a way to get out. We got out. Don't you think, in hindsight,

it might've been a little rash? Rash? We were married for 14 years. You're not answering

my question. Look, I think

it can drive you crazy if you contemplate the fact

that, within every decision, there are

a million alternatives, and every one

of those alternatives could've made your life

a different thing. -[ Chuckles ]

-I don't know. [ Sighs ] You've become

quite a philosopher after... -...four scotch.

-[ Laughs ] No, I think it's just that

I like to wallow in self-pity. EMILY: [ Laughs ] I see. Mm. No, but if -- If I am completely honest

with myself, I think we did the right thing. Even though it kills me... ...that no matter how much

I loved you... ...it wasn't enough. And Jack,

the prick that he is, was. Wow.

It's not enough. I...I don't think you have anything

to be jealous about that. I'm sorry to hear that. -Or maybe I'm not that sorry.

-[ Chuckles ] But, look, even though I think that Jack

is a total menstrual cramp, it doesn't mean

that I want you to be unhappy. Well, thank you.

I think that's sweet...maybe. So...what happened? -You really want to know?

-Yeah. I don't know. Not one thing. I'm bored. Well, that's nothing.

Come on. That's inevitable. That happens

in every relationship, and that's why they tell you

that bullshit. At the beginning

of every relationship, you better make sure that the person that you're with

is your best friend because at least you have that when the passion

inevitably dies. See, that's the thing. Jack's

never been my best friend. You were. You still are. [ Laughs ] Well, thank you.

But, Emily, come on now. We haven't talked

since the last Fourth of July. Oh, that doesn't matter,

and you know it. If I really needed you, I could call you anytime,

day or night, and you would jump on a plane

no matter who or what was going on in your life. I would do the same for you, and I don't think

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